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True Confessions with Chris Hemsworth and Kumail Nanjiani

True Confessions with Chris Hemsworth and Kumail Nanjiani


-Just three men with beards
hanging around a table. Three equally handsome men. -Yes. Thank you. -We’re all exactly the same.
-Attractive people. Here’s how this works. In front of us are two envelopes
containing confessions. One confession is true.
The other is a lie. Once you read your confession, the other two players have
45 seconds to interrogate you. They have to guess if you’ve
been lying or telling the truth. Chris, you will go first. Which envelope should he open? -Let’s go with one. -What is your story? Okay. -My first job was
cleaning out breast pumps. [ Laughter ] -For your first —
That was your first job? -First job, yeah.
-How old were you? -I was 14 at the time. -And was it just cleaning out
breast pumps or was there other aspects
to the job? -It was repairing them as well,
occasionally. -You repaired breast pumps
at 14? [ Laughter ]
-Well, like, like, like — Any pump, you know,
there’s a motor with a belt, like a rubber belt,
for the suction. -Do you know that? Oh, was this for
human breasts or animal breasts? -Yeah, no, like — you’d have — like, pharmacies
would rent them out. -They would rent them out? Because you don’t need them
forever, right. -No.
[ Laughter ] So they’d come back
covered in dry milk. So I’d have a toothbrush — [ Buzzer ] I’d clean the dry milk off. -Dry milk? I did not think I’d hear
the phrase dry milk today. [ Laughter ] -This is very interesting. -That was it?
That was all we get to ask? -45 seconds, we did it. -I think it’s real. -You think his first job
was cleaning out — -If not, he’s a psychopath —
[ Laughter ] If he made that up. -Were you saying, like,
where he grew up, his dad had animals and stuff
around, so I’m thinking maybe — -But it’s human breast milk. -But I think it’s inspired by
what he used to do with animals. -That’s very smart. -And then change it to a lie. -You’re good at this. He took almost the truth and
changed it slightly to a lie. -I’m going to say you lie.
-Yeah. -Did you lie?
-I’ll say lie, too. -It was the truth.
-I said it was the truth! [ Laughter and applause ] -Why did you — -Where were you? Where were you?
Where were you? Where was it? -So, it was, like,
Fisher and Paykel. It’s a company that makes fridges and ovens
and breast pumps. And I literally
worked for a pharmacy. They would rent them out. The machines would come back,
and I would have a toothbrush, a little spray and wipe. And dried milk —
covered in them. Yep. -One question.
-Yep. -Do the women who used
these breast pumps now know that Chris Hemsworth
once cleaned their breast pumps? [ Laughter ] -Here we go. This is my turn.
Here we go. -And can you buy them on eBay?
-You can’t buy them on eBay. Which one?
Which envelope should I open? -Well, which one —
-Let’s go two. We did one for me, right?
Let’s go two for you. -Are you going to go into
the breast-pump business? Dolph Lundgren once saved me
from a bunch of coyotes. -I mean, it’s so ridiculous that
I’d say no, but which means
it’s probably yes. -Yeah, okay. So, how long ago
did this happen? -I’d say, early 2000s. 2002? It was before I was
on “Saturday Night Live.” -How many coyotes? -I don’t really know, but it was definitely
at least one scurrying. -So how did he save you?
What did he do, wrestle them? -You’re saying Dolph Lundgren saved you
from a group of coyote? -Yes. Yes.
-One? -No, not coyote — coyotes.
I think it was more than one. I was leaving a party,
and I heard things scurrying. -What did he do? -He said,
“Jimmy, get in my car.” [ Laughter ]
-What? -He said, “Hey, Jimmy, quick,
get in my car” or something like that.
“There’s coyotes are coming.” -So he knew who you were?
-Yeah. -So you guys were
hanging out or just — -No, I didn’t know
he was there at all. -It seems true, right? -It seems true.
I didn’t want it to be. Actually, hang on. Whoa, whoa. [ Laughter ] You’re lying! -No, why would I do that,
though? -I feel like it’s true because
he wasn’t sure on the year and he’s, like, trying to make
us think that he’s lying, but it’s really the truth. He said, “Ah, let’s say 2002.”
He’s trying to — -I looked deep within his soul. Deep within —
Yeah, you’re lying to me. -You’re right. It’s a lie.
-Wow! Nice! -How cool would that be?
How cool would that be? For a second, did you think? -Yeah, for a second I did,
and then I looked at you. We played another game where
it’s like “Don’t laugh.” That game. And there’s something
there that happened. -I was proud, like I felt I won.
-Yeah, yeah. -Okay, all right, here we go. -I’m going to say — what do we
just go with, number two? What do you think, Chris? -I don’t know. I do want to say
this is great. We’re just hanging out,
three guys. -Three dudes.
Yeah, don’t worry about it. -All equally handsome, yeah.
[ Laughter ] -Just fun. Number one.
-One? -Yeah.
-All right. -Fun.
-Here we go. Um… -All right,
already you’re lying. -I once tried to murder someone
in Singapore. [ Laughter ] -Hang on, hang on.
Intention– like, as in — -This is gonna air
on television, you know. [ Laughter ] -I didn’t say I was successful. -What year was this? -I was maybe around
10 or 12 years old. -So you — When you say murder,
that wasn’t self-defense. That’s you like out to get
someone intentionally. -I was the aggressor.
-You didn’t like this person? -No, I liked this person.
I loved her. -Why did you
want to murder them? -I don’t know.
-Wow. -What do you mean,
you don’t know? -How did you try to murder her?
-Strangulation, pretty standard. [ Laughter ] -Just because,
or no reason at all? -Well, so, I was sleepwalking,
and as a kid, I wasn’t allowed to
watch horror movies, and this person
showed me a horror movie. [ Buzzer ] -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, well, wait. -I want more than 45 —
I want weeks with you. [ Laughter ] -Something happened at the end
there because all of a sudden it was, “Oh, I did it
on purpose.” And then you said
you were sleepwalking. -Oh, that’s very interesting. Now he’s smirking, almost thinking that we’re both
going to say he lied. Because now he’s doing
what I did. -Look at me.
-This is the poker face. He thinks he won. [ Laughter ] I’m gonna say… -I think it’s true.
-I’m gonna say it’s the truth. You tried to murder someone
in Singapore. -That is correct. [ Laughter and applause ] -I can never look at you
in the same way. What are you talking about?
-It was my aunt. -Oh, my God.
[ Laughter ] -And I had little 10-year-old
hands. I never had a shot. [ Laughter ] But I wasn’t allowed to
watch horror movies as a kid. And I was staying at her house,
and she was like, “It’s fine. I’ll show you one. What’s the worst
that could happen?” And then I tried to murder her. [ Laughter ] -In your sleep, though,
in your sleep. -In my sleep. And they woke me up and I don’t
remember any of it, but I remember being like —
things were weird at breakfast. [ Laughter ] -“Do you know what you tried to
do last night?” Guys, I’m glad we got to
the bottom of these things. Thank you so much for playing. Chris Hemsworth.
Kumail Nanjiani.

Comments (100)

  1. I knew Jimmy was lying because I saw him shake his head "no" when he said what year it happened.

  2. โ€œI had little ten year old hands, I never had a shot.โ€๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  3. Yes, definitely the same attractiveness

  4. Fuckin love Kumail and Chris' chemistry. They should do a movie together.

  5. Kumail and Chris…Thor 4..NOW!!!

  6. Welcome to Marvel Cinematic Universe along with Chris Hermsworth ๐Ÿ’ฏ
    Kumail Nanjiani, we Pakistanis are so proud of you โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฐ

  7. They drink from the cup?

  8. Did no one catch what he was about to say, it sounded pretty close to "Wut the fuck" before he stopped himself at 5:35 lol.

  9. Equally handsome ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ everyone knows who is most handsome in three of you

  10. kumail is really smart

  11. What is the reason of putting the cigarettes on the table?

  12. Man that shit is FUNNY AF

  13. Chris hemsworth would be a good detective

  14. 3:03 chris laugh like mickie mouse

  15. "Strangulation pretty standard " lol he is funny as hell

  16. "Just 3 equally attractive man"
    Oh shut up you 3 are all handsome gentleman but of course Chris let's you guys by miles

  17. hahahahah. what an awesome skit.

  18. That was the funniest sh!t I've ever heard I purposely accidentally almost murdered someone. Then we hear the while story. Lmfao!!!!!!

  19. Chris is physically unable to keep his hands still lmao

  20. KUMAIL :Things were weird at breakfast table

    ME: You sure that was murder attempt ?? I mean…… ๐Ÿ˜

  21. everytime kumail speaks i can only picture Pawny ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

  22. Man kumail's "cheeky" voice and accent add a lot to his humour…

  23. jimmy with this beard
    i donโ€™t know how to feel

  24. When youโ€™re such a big fan, that you already know Chris cleaned breast pumps as a job๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  25. Lmao I used to have a Fisher & Paykel washing machine…it had a secret mode that would play the NZ, Australian and USA National Anthems…no joke! link below is it playing the USA National Anthem
    https://youtu.be/vv2YbytWGr4

  26. I knew the first one from that interview with Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  27. Anyone who watched his interview with Evans will know that the first one was indeed true without them saying the answer

  28. 2:34 Kumail Najiani asking the real questions…

  29. 0:28 as soon as he read that I knew it was the truth! (from an interview)

  30. Kimail IS SO FUNNYYYYYY paki king

  31. Kumail was buff in comic con, this video is a month ago ๐Ÿ˜จ

  32. The level of testosterone…..
    Mother of Baby Jesus ๐Ÿคช

  33. Everyone, including Jimmy, audibly and visibly freaks out when he says 'her'. Because we all know murdering a woman is more reprehensible than murdering some man.

  34. I feel bad for chris, whenever he does these things the men around him compare themselves to him and put themselves down. Itโ€™s uncomfortable to be put on a pedestal when in these situation you want to be seen and treated as an equal so you can have fun. Youโ€™re great chris just do you!!!

  35. 3:03 that giggle

  36. They finally brought real coffee to the table !

  37. 4:53 "alright, already you're lying" I-

  38. why are people always drinking the props?!

  39. That last one is just wow

  40. How does Chris Hemsworth live with himself?

  41. I freaking love this segment lol

  42. I tried to murder someone … Bcz I am pakistani

  43. Thats nothing i stabbed my bother once with an apple knife when i was a kid.

  44. I know that Chris first jod was cleaning out breast pumps because of that interview with Chris Evans where they couldn't hold It together๐Ÿ˜‚

  45. 2:45 The way jimmy says e-bay

  46. Is that real cigarette smoke

  47. Chris seems really uncomfortable

  48. I kinda expect Chris to say "SELAMAT PAGI, TERIMA KASIH, CUACA BAIK SATU DUA TIGA

  49. McDonaldโ€™s showing me an ad about summer .

    Me: summer is pretty much over though!

  50. And now kumail is an Eternal lol

  51. Jimmy Fallon never trusted Kumail. Dude literally said itโ€™s true if not he is a psychopath.
    Kumail is very smart and intelligent. He will make great interrogator. I felt bad when jimmy made him change his decision ๐Ÿ˜†

  52. #1 was true for Chris Hemsworth he talked about it while promoting avengers age of ultron

  53. This changes the Big Sick… dontit? I thought it was a RomCom, turns out it was a potentially Attempted Murder Comedy? AtMuCo?

  54. Chris is too hot for his own good

  55. That beard guy doing over acting

  56. Sleepwalking attempted murder is probably the greatest truth Iโ€™ve heard yet.

  57. At 3:03:

    Me: Lie. Since when do coyotes form packs?

  58. strangulation , pretty standard

  59. when you know 90% of the comments are about kumail and chris…poor jimmy

  60. 03:03 that small laugh always melts my heart

  61. Hundreds of videos, thousands of comments. Failed to find kumail haters โค๏ธ

  62. The only comedian who never repeats the jokes, coz they aren't jokes they are real life incidents. This guy dosent need sense of humour, he is the real humour.

  63. This is your daily breakfast rutine ๐Ÿ˜‚

  64. So confused on why Jimmy Fallon changed the subject when Kumail made the eBay joke. I was dying laughing, but he made it seem like Kumail just said something inappropriate. He should have fake laughed his way through that one, because it was hilarious lol.

  65. i knew abt the breastpumps lol

  66. Complete with fake cigarettes ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  67. Three equally handsome men
    Chris=10
    Jimmy=8
    Kumail=7
    IF THATS WHAT YOU CALL EQUAL, IT'S PRETTY EQUAL

  68. Kumail and pawney have many things in common๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…

  69. I knew immediately that Chris's was true because he said it in an interview before and I think it was Chris Evans who was laughing about it

  70. 6:07 I want Chris HEmsworth to tell me to look at him too !!!

  71. Shortly after the making of this video kumail was arrested for attempted murder

  72. Chris- the best sounding person kumail- worst sounding person

  73. Anthony Hopkins would be perfect for this. He would just stare and the truth would literally try to escape.

  74. Now kumail joined chris in MCU

  75. Oh my God! Hahaha

  76. Kumail is SO METAL

  77. Thank god Kumail didn't watch a porno movie before sleep.!!!๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  78. Jimmy should always rock that beard look he looks pretty good

  79. One
    Brain
    Cell
    Shared

  80. Kumail's interrogation face was priceless ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  81. This video made me CRY!!!!! woiiiiiiiii

  82. 3:03 my new ringtone

  83. Jimmy sucks at lying xD

  84. When Chris said the breast pumps I knew it was true cuz Iโ€™m a huge mcu fans and I remember his interview with Chris and them talking about it ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

  85. But what horror movie was it???

  86. Clue: most of the time that they refer to another person it's a lie.

  87. Kumail is really ugly. Incredible. His eyes are too close

  88. Kumail does have the face of a serial killer….

  89. Within the next month Kumail was announced to have joined the MCU as an eternal.

  90. โ€œYou canโ€™t blame meโ€

    Dude, you said it was the truth, not a lie ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ

  91. BREAKING NEWS : Muslim guy confessed that he tried to murder her aunt.

  92. When you already know that Chris's confession was true because he has talked about doing that for the long time ๐Ÿ˜‚

  93. I thought they weren't real coffees

  94. Kumai: if not he is a psychopath
    Also Kumail: I tried to murder someone in Singapore once

  95. Kumail thecomedy king

  96. They keep saying, equally handsome!โ€ I think it was funny.

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