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Why Josh Widdicombe had a break down in Pret 😂 | Live At The Apollo – BBC

Why Josh Widdicombe had a break down in Pret 😂 | Live At The Apollo – BBC


I would give a
life prison sentence… Oh, you are on
board now, aren’t you? I would give a life prison sentence
to anyone who works in Pret a Manger and when I order
an individual yoghurt, fails to remind me to get a spoon. LAUGHTER Because they know in half an hour, I’ll be sat on the train with a
yoghurt, head in my hands, thinking, “Why do bad things
happen to good people?” Can I make my lid into a spoon? I don’t have the origami skills. LAUGHTER I just think if you do a job,
you should do the whole thing. Like, I got in a taxi the other day, told him my destination and
he turned round and he said, “Have you got a preferred route?” Surely that is your job. Might as well get in and him go,
“Are you all right to do the gears?” Cos I’m eating a Yorkie,
I haven’t got my hands free. What I’m trying to tell you…
To cut a long story short, what I’m try to tell you, I don’t know if you’ve
ever bumped into someone you haven’t seen in six months,
while you’re on a train, drinking a yoghurt. It’s a low moment. You know they’re going to
report to mutual friends. “I bumped into Josh.”
“How was he?” “Having a breakdown.” He was mixing the two sections of
a Fruit Corner with his own tongue. “Has he got a girlfriend?” “Well, he was getting off
with a Petits Filous, yeah.” We never went on
good holidays as a child. We didn’t. My parents, they now…
They go on pretty rubbish holidays. What they do is, they go on holiday
and then they bring me back gifts of their holiday that
I haven’t been on. I’ve got a Morocco key ring, so that every time
I get my keys out, I can go, “Oh, yeah, I haven’t
been to Morocco.” My parents came back from York, they
bought me a collectable teaspoon. Who is collecting teaspoons from places around the UK? “Oh! Finally, I can combine
my twin interests, “of English Heritage
and doing heroin.” LAUGHTER “I haven’t felt this high
since I went to Hever Castle. “Pass me my Wookey Hole tourniquet “and I’ll get on with
taking these drugs, yeah.” Tell you the one I hate,
when you’re going on holiday and other people ask
you to get them things. “You’re on holiday, yeah, can you
get me a large bottle of vodka?” No. No, cos I’m going on holiday,
not doing a big shop. “Oh. Could you do me
a little favour? “Yeah, yeah. Can you get me
4,000 Lambert and Butler?” No! I’m not a mule. They might as well go, “Are you all right to put
this cocaine in a condom “and shove it up your arse?”

Comments (10)

  1. To everyone reading this : have a magical day 🙂

  2. Not first comment like pls SUPSCRIBE ME❤

  3. Not First comment like pls SUPSCRIBE ME💝

  4. U will have a lovely day if u leave a like
    |

  5. I remember when comedians had to hone theyre acts in clubs etc before tv would put them on air!

  6. He should keep the collectable York spoon in his rucksack, it'll solve his pret yoghurt problem 😂

  7. You don’t need a spoon for a Yorkie.

  8. Well, at least he didn't die after eating something from Pret – www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/oct/08/pret-a-manger-second-person-to-die-after-allergic-reaction-named-as-celia-marsh

  9. He looks like Russel Howard

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