Board James: Dream Phone (Episode 19)

Board James: Dream Phone (Episode 19)

We’re living life here. [Mike] Stock market.
[Bootsy] Taxes due. [James] I just got married!
[Mike] Ooh, payday! [Bootsy] Ah!
[James] All right, you forfeit your turn, again! [Mike]
Run for mayor! All right! Mayor? You as mayor? [Bootsy]
Ski accident, pay 5,000 dollars. [James] Payday!
[Mike] Baby boy! [James]
Stop having so many kids, you… fucking asshole. Buy books and supplies, pay 5,000 dollars. I already did that shit ten years ago in college. You have a college degree? Bioengineering. [Mike] I win! All right, guys. Well, that was fun. What do you wanna play next? I got a game. Dream Phone. [Mike] Are you kidding me?
[James] But this is a girl’s game. This is for a little girl. That’s a buncha hogwash. You guys are a buncha wise acres, huh? This is a great game, trust me on this! Trust meee! All right, if that’s what you want. All right. We’re gonna play… Dream Phone. All right, so, the goal of the game is to figure out which one of these hunky guys likes you. [Dream Phone, female voice]
Hi! I just heard! It’s not Steve. [Mike] Oh… [Dream Phone, male voice]
I know where he hangs out. He’s not at the beach. [Dream Phone, male voice]
He’ll eat almost anything, except pizza. [Dream Phone, male voice]
Hello! I know who it is, but I’m not telling. Ha ha! Fuck you! FUCK YOU! You piece of fucking shit! ♫ I keep dreamin’, dreamin’ ’bout my Dream Phone ♫ ♫ I keep believin’ he’ll call me when I’m home alone ♫ ♫ He’s gonna make my dreams come true ♫ [James]
First player who guesses their secret admirer wins the game. ♫ My bed has room enough for two ♫ ♫ Yeah ♫ ♫ I keep dreamin’, dreamin’ ’bout my Dream Phone ♫ Mom says “hang up!” Oh, drop dead, Bootsy. [Dream Phone, male voice]
He looks cool in whatever he wears. He’s not wearing a jacket. [Bootsy]
I’m gonna guess Gary. (phone ringing) [Dream Phone]
Nice try, but it’s not me. ♫ I keep callin’ but no one hears ♫ ♫ Please help dry up my tears ♫ All right, I think I’m gonna guess who it is. (dialing) ♫ I keep dreamin’, dreamin’ ’bout my Dream Phone ♫ [Dream Phone]
You’re right! I really like you. I win! (scoffs) You know, whatever. You guys have to admit… pretty fun game. Well, I would hate to admit it, ’cause it’s such like a girl game, but it actually is pretty intense. Who would’ve thought this game would be so awesome?! Forget that it’s targeted towards young girls; it plays like a detective game–you really gotta think. Like, imagine if it’s the same exact game, same rules and everything, but instead of trying to find a guy who likes you, it’s all about solving a murder case. Yeah, it’s kinda like Clue, actually. Or like, um, like, ah, Candy Land! [Mike] No. I’m gonna go home, all right guys? Just gotta get going here– Ah-w-w-w-w-w-w-wait up, man. Before you go, I would like you to have this game. I don’t need it, I have plenty of games at home, so– [Bootsy] Ah, it would look great in your collection, I insist.
[Mike] Yeah, you should take it, you’re a girly girl. (laughs) Yeah you girly girl, yeah you girly girl. Plus, I got like fifteen of these at home, and you’d be really getting it out of my hair. Really. I insist. Take it. It’s on me! Thank me later. I will. OK? (crickets) Bootsy, Bootsy, Bootsy… (Dream Phone ringing) (Dream Phone ringing) [Dream Phone] Hello? Hello? [Dream Phone] Oh, hi. [James] That’s weird.
[Dream Phone] That’s weird. You can hear me? [Dream Phone]
Yeah, I can hear you. Good evening. Who is this? [Dream Phone]
I’m just a secret admirer. I really like you. (Dream Phone ringing) (annoyed) Hello? [Dream Phone]
Hi. Please don’t hang up. I just want to get to know you, that’s all. Look, I don’t know how you’re doing this, but it’s gotta stop, OK? It’s not funny anymore. [Dream Phone]
Hey, I’m just a normal guy. We have a lot in common. [Dream Phone]
I’m sure we could play some board games together. [Dream Phone]
You like board games, right? Sure. [Dream Phone]
What’s your favorite board game? (Dream Phone ringing) Cut it out! [Dream Phone]
Hey, please, don’t hang up. We can talk about movies. [Dream Phone]
I see you’re watching Night of the Living Dead. You see what?! [Dream Phone]
That’s a good scary movie. You hear it. Of course. You must really know your movies. [Dream Phone]
I like that hat you’re wearing. What hat?! C’mon, what’s on my hat?! [Dream Phone]
Thundercats. Ho! [Dream Phone ringing] That motherfucker. (Dream Phone ringing) [Dream Phone]
You hung up on me again. You can’t keep doing that. [Dream Phone]
You’re gonna hurt my feelings. I get lonely all the time. [Dream Phone]
Go ahead, call your friend. Heh. [Dream Phone]
It’s like a game. This is fun. [Mike] Hello? Hey Mike, come to the window. [Dream Phone]
What are you trying to prove here, James? [Mike] OK, I’m here. What is it?
[Dream Phone] Hey, did you hear? It’s not Mike! Nothing. Never mind. [Dream Phone]
You hang up on me again, [Dream Phone]
I’m gonna rip your intestines out and hang ’em from the ceiling. [Bootsy]
How you doing, James? Hey, Bootsy. What’re you up to? [Bootsy]
Eh, nothing. Just twiddling my thumbs. Doing nothing, huh? You wanna come over? [Bootsy] Really? Yeah, play some Boggle, Super Mario Brothers? [Bootsy]
Or some Twister? Do you like breakdancing? Parcheesi maybe? Yeah, come over. I bet you can get over here pretty fast from wherever you are. [Bootsy]
Yeah, well, I don’t know if you heard, [Bootsy]
I got my dick bit off by a shark last week, [Bootsy]
so uh, I’ll try to speedwalk. Might take me a few. All right, I’ll see you. Where is he? (door creaks, shuts) Bootsy? Bootsy? (gasps) Oh, shit! Oh well, he’s dead. (Dream Phone ringing) Listen, I’m gonna call the police right now. [Dream Phone]
You’re gonna call the police when you have a dead body in the house? [Dream Phone]
Who do you think’s gonna get the blame? They’ll trace the call, or… something. They’ll find you. [Dream Phone]
[laughs] Trace what? What’re you gonna tell them? [Dream Phone]
You got a call from a toy phone? From a girl’s game? What do you want from me? [Dream Phone]
I just want to play a game. Who are you?! [Dream Phone]
Tell you what. We’ll make it a guessing game. [Dream Phone]
You can ask me anything you want, [Dream Phone]
as long as it’s a yes or no question. ‘Kay. Are you in the house? [Dream Phone] Yes. Who the hell are you?! [Dream Phone]
That’s not a yes or no question! Drop dead, Bootsy. Are you Mike? [Dream Phone]
Why don’t you call him and find out?! [Mike] Hello? Mike, you better get over here right now, it’s a real emergency this time. [Mike]
Oh, no. Is this what I think it is? No, it’s not like last time. The bucket, I never touched the damn thing since. [Mike] All right, I’ll be right there.
[James] All right. Come over here. OK… Look in the closet. (softly) Closet… Jesus fucking Christ! He’s dead! Did you kill him? No! Did you? No! Well, he’s dead. Yeah, heh. (struggling, stabbing, groaning, choking sounds) (screams) (Dream Phone ringing) [Dream Phone]
I’m gonna cut your heart out and force it into your throat. Where are you? [Dream Phone]
That’s not a yes or no question! The fuck are you? [Dream Phone] (laughs) Am I getting warmer? [Dream Phone]
You’re already warm. Trust me. The fuck are you? [Dream Phone]
C’mon, who am I? Take a guess. [Dream Phone]
You know who I am. Say my name. [Dream Phone]
In fact, I’ll give you a hint: I’m closer than you think. [Dream Phone]
I’ve been watching you all night. [Dream Phone]
I’m gonna fuck you so hard steam’s gonna come outta your ears [Dream Phone]
and your eyeballs are gonna come popping outta your fucking skull! [Dream Phone]
Who am I? Say my name, motherfucker! [Dream Phone]
I’m gonna grab your skull and gnaw your fucking face off [Dream Phone]
like a motherfucking rat! [Dream Phone]
Take a guess, if you have the balls. And I KNOW you have the balls. [Dream Phone]
(laughs) You can do better than that! Oh, yeah? You can see me right now? Huh? [Dream Phone] Yes. Well then what am I doing right now? [Dream Phone]
Flipping the bird! That’s not a yes or no question. Now tell me right now, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! [Dream Phone] (laughs) Heh, you can’t see me now, you demented fucker! [Dream Phone]
Hah, no I can’t. I can’t see those gorgeous flowers on your head. [Dream Phone]
Boy, does that make you look fantastic. I’m in the closet! How can you see me?! [Dream Phone]
Well, you sure got a HOLD on me! [Dream Phone] (laughs) (gasps, yells) Fuck! [Dream Phone]
I just want to be your Dream Phone! [Dream Phone]
Where you going? James! Where you going, James? [Dream Phone]
I’m just gonna slit your FUCKING THROAT OPEN! (yells in pain) [Dream Phone] Hold steady! (laughing nervously) [Dream Phone] Here it comes! [Dream Phone] (grunts) C’mon, you fucking piece of shit! (screaming) Die in fucking hell, you piece of shit! [Dream Phone] (yells in pain) I’ll kick your asterisk, you hot pink piece of shit! You always want me to hit pound? Well here’s your fucking pound! 1-900-FUCK-YOU! Dial the operator? I’ll show you how my fucking fist operates! [Dream Phone]
Why, let me outta here, please! [Dream Phone]
(screams) No! No! (explosion) (microwave beeps) (sirens) ♫ I keep dreamin’, dreamin’ ’bout my dream phone ♫ ♫ I keep believin’ he’ll call me when I’m home alone ♫ ♫ He’s gonna make my dreams come true ♫ ♫ I keep callin’ but no one hears ♫ ♫ Please help dry up my tears ♫ ♫ Yeah ♫ ♫ I keep dreamin’, dreamin’ ’bout my dream phone ♫ [Dream Phone]
You’re right! I really like you.

Comments (100)

  1. 2:48 So it's a Moi-dah game?

  2. Everybody gangsta till the phone start stabbin

  3. Never has a Cinemassacre video creeped me out so much. Except for maybe something like Polybius.

  4. April Fools
    You thought i was stupid

  5. 5:35 I noticed that scream reference

  6. Oh well he's dead.

  7. The golden age of Cinemassacre

  8. Standing Ovation, Ten thousand chant this is awesome.

  9. Is board James the Nerd?

    -Well yes, but actually no.

  10. Thundercats oooohhhooo…


  12. so i'm late to the board james train, and I have to say I'm very impressed how it's more then just the game, very well done sir

  13. From this point on Board James became more than reviews, it was life or death

  14. Man I hate the sound of that ringtone. Besides that the video is pretty good.

  15. I know but I won’t tell

  16. Awesome episode! 🙂

  17. 11:08 that one got me

  18. final summary. has decent challenge. simple design…..would recommend playing

  19. Cinemassacre could make real horror films if they wanted to

  20. I don't know who's crazier, dude for making this shit, or me for watching it? lol

  21. happy april fools lol

  22. You should make a full motion picture about this James

  23. just realived this is a scream refernce know im late but yea

  24. Kiss me through the dream phone

  25. 0:08 I love references.

  26. You know what's bullshit!? Microwaves.

  27. Oh no, it's Scream all over again!

  28. Holy shit dude my mom did the art for this game!!!!!

  29. They should make a version of this game except its scream themed and you have to get clues to find out who’s the killer

  30. So this is where the chaos started

  31. I was the only one that knew James was the real killer and he was imagining all this. Nobody else believed it and told me it wasn't true when I pointed it out

  32. i cant stop singing the song!!

  33. You are a very disturbed individual

  34. Thunder cats hoooooo lol that killed me

  35. Imagine being betrayed by a friend not knowing he is a person

  36. I surprised when I realize that wasn't actual CM song.

  37. mike looks like the perfect match for laina the overly obsessed girlfriend on youtube

  38. the killer phone was better than saw and scream put together

  39. your a bunch of wise acres!

  40. Pol fucking phone bro

  41. 11:09 jump scare?

  42. What happened when you ran out of the printed pages you play on

  43. What's with all the fucking filters!!! Is this 'plumber's dont wear ties'!!!!

  44. James needs to make horror movies

  45. Ok, so I've see every single AVGN episode and never even checked this series out..Holy shit, this is awesome.

  46. 존나 웃기네 씨발것ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

  47. 14:13 favorite part of the whole episode

  48. This actually scared me

  49. 13:08 Phonebooth reference

  50. Girl Games try to kill lots of guys

  51. Instinctively picks up a used knife

  52. 11:08 best slasher movie ever

  53. 13:42 best chase scene James has ever done

  54. One of my favourite Cinemassacre vids, inventive and funny

  55. Digging the Ghostbusters reference. Keep on rocking Cinemassacre!

  56. This is a girl game if a man play is now a homosexual game

  57. Scream Nerd Version


  59. Boy Bruce Campbell would be so proud of these inanimate object fight scenes

  60. Mike looks like Jofrry. That's why he is so rude????

  61. God bless you. This is the best 16 minute movie ever!

  62. In France,the game of life name is destin ☺(im french )

  63. i wonder if little nerd has played with this…

  64. anyone notice that this vid was uploaded on april fools

  65. My wife still has this game. Not even gonna lie…it's a banger.

  66. I love this episode! It feels like a Twilight Zone episode!

  67. Man! you guys do great work, your lighting and long-shots are perfect!

    So much substance in each video

  68. 11:09 this scared me for real

  69. I saw this on a TV show wtf

  70. Is this from stranger things

  71. 15:05 * Aggressively puts it in the microwave*

  72. That was psychotic !!

  73. Are all of his game boards possessed by Charles Lee Ray?

  74. 1:27 – 2:34 would make a perfect commercial for this game

  75. Like a freaking movie?!

  76. 11:18
    Did they put hotsauce on his mouth?

  77. This episode got me into Board James. I like how you can take it one of two ways. One was that he was crazy and killed his friends and then was arrested at the end when he called the cops. Or you can take the canon Board James route. I liked the Blair Witch Project 2 inspired ending here.

  78. This is just mother fucking Scream

  79. Hahaha this is fuckin hilarious

  80. It’s so weird seeing a younger James without glasses in these videos

  81. This seems like a twilight zone plot

  82. I made my friend Carly play this every time I went to her house!

  83. I just got finished watching scream

  84. Hello i know who it is but I’m not telling ha ha

  85. Well done, that was a good one

  86. If someone speaks freely he will harvest your organs.
    It's Xi Jingpin!

  87. Anyone other than me notice the dream phone is a big ole phallic piece of pink plastic?

  88. Just imagine this scenario happening to me
    If my dad had I gun I’d grab the shotgun and shoot the Dream Phone with it

    Otherwise I will grab the Dream Phone and hit it on the counter real hard and burn it

  89. this game actually looks like a good game tbh.

  90. Smallest Phone ever, and it dont help that it looks like a di*k

  91. Pootsy is fuckin hilarious

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