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How to get better at dating apps (Tinder, Bumble and Hinge)

How to get better at dating apps (Tinder, Bumble and Hinge)


– All right, so I know you came
to The Verge’s YouTube page to hear about the new
Pixel phone but today, we aren’t talking about that. Instead, we’re talking about dating apps because us tech nerds deserve
love just like everybody else. I’m going to help teach you how
to get better at dating apps and hopefully help you find some love. Full disclosure though, I’m
single too, but to be clear, it has nothing to do
with me and everything to do with all the trash
humans in New York City. I report on dating apps for The Verge so I have a pretty clear idea of what makes the dating apps
different from one another, how you should pick your
best profile photos, and how to send the first message. So we’re going to go through this together and then when you end up meeting the love of your life because of me, you can write and thank me. So to get started, you’re gonna
obviously need to figure out what dating app you’re going to use. How much time do you have to dedicate to dating and filling out a profile? Are you really serious about
certain things like religion? Do you want more of a serious
thing or more of a fling? There’s truly a dating app for everyone. You’ve probably heard
of Tinder and Bumble. But there’s also gay dating
apps like Grindr and Scruff. Relationship oriented apps like
Hinge, which is what I use, Coffee Meets Bagel, and OkCupid. And religion based apps like
JSwipe and Christian Mingle. So there are lots of dating apps. The key thing to remember is
you just wanna use the one where you think the people
you want to date are. Think of dating apps like bars. I wouldn’t go to a sports
bar on football Sunday because I don’t really like football. But basically, dating
apps have specific values which affects how they’re designed, and the communities they create. Bumble for example,
prioritizes women’s experiences by only allowing women to message first. Meanwhile, Hinge thinks
messages are more important so it allows people to
like a specific thing about another person’s profile and comment on it before matching. That person will then see your
comment and can then decide if they wanna match with you to keep the conversation going or skip. Tinder on the other hand
requires both people to match before allowing anyone to message. So think about how you wanna interact. I like to use hinge because
I’m looking for a more serious relationship and swiping on Tinder feels kind of superficial to me. Now, with that said, it takes a long time to
fill out your Hinge profile. You have to include a bunch of photos, answer a bunch of questions, but I really appreciate the
people who do that because I get a better sense of who they
are as actual human beings. Okay, so now that we’ve
picked out our app, let’s fill out our profile. Okay, first let’s talk about photos. I’ve got lots of photos of myself here that I have printed out just
like any normal person in 2018. The most obvious rule of
thumb here is to make sure your photos actually show off your face and that you don’t use
a ton of group shots. So I have a couple photos
like this, has to go. This should probably go. This definitely gotta go. And I love my friends
but they gotta go too. See ya. Let’s discuss selfies a little bit here. Selfies are great. We all love them but you
should not use too many of them on your profile because the
people who are looking at you want to know that you’re a
real human in this world. So as much as I love this
picture, it’s gotta go. Now you also want photos of
yourself doing activities. I’m a tech reporter,
that’s not very exciting but I love to eat. So here I am with nachos. Here I am with an empty plate. Anyone who looks at my
profile should know this girl likes to eat food. Last but not least, don’t have anyone who could potentially be
your lover in your photos. Even if it’s your brother or sister. If anyone has to look at
that photo and be like, hmm, who is that person? No. Okay, so I’m pretty satisfied
with the photos we’ve chosen so I’m gonna move them right over here. And on Hinge, you have to answer prompts. One of their prompts is
where to find me at the party and there’s a bunch of ways you can answer this but some answers
are better than others. I talked to the CEO of
Hinge and he told me that for this prompt, lots
and lots of people say hanging out with the dog
or the cat or whatever. Which is a fine answer
and cute but honestly, it’s been done. So, no. This emoji and not on the dance floor. I don’t really know how
people would respond to this and also it’s kind of negative so I’m just gonna not do that. I’m down to two answers here. One of which is pretty positive and the other which is negative. And one of them is easier to
respond to than the other. You really want people to
able to read your profile and have something to say to you without having to think too hard. Because of that, I’m
keeping the dips answer. I’m from the Midwest, I love dips. It says a little bit about
me and hopefully someone will message me and tell me
about their favorite party dip. I’m definitely gonna take
a picture to show my mom my beautiful project I did at work today. But yeah, this is a great profile. I’m really satisfied with it. Now, let’s talk about messages. The advice here is super clear. Don’t rely on basic
comments like hey, or hi, or how was your weekend? Hinge’s CEO tells me that
a confident statement actually performs 25%
better than a question in terms of whether a
conversation moves off the app. So, try a confident
statement like, I don’t know, spinach artichoke dip is the best. Let’s assume you’re now
in a great conversation. That’s enough to ask
someone out on a real date. Most people just wanna know
that there’s enough to go off conversation wise to actually
have a drink or coffee or go on a walk with someone. Just don’t make your first
date an entire plan for a day because you might not
actually like this person and year old do not want
to be stuck with them. Here’s my PSA now where I need to say that you need to stay safe out there. Online dating still
means meeting strangers from the internet and that’s scary. So make sure you tell
your friends and family where you’re going and maybe
even share your location with them through Find My
Friends or Google Maps. Definitely make sure
they check in with you throughout the night. All right, so with that
said, let the games begin. (laughing) – [Producer] I love it. – Oh no. All right, thanks for watching. I also cohost a podcast called
Why’d You Push that Button from The Verge which is
all about the choices we make with technology. So go check that out
and there’s spinach dip. – [Producer] Pizza dip. – Pizza dip. – [Producer] Chicken wing dip. – Chicken wing dip. Buffalo chicken dip. Anything can be a dip if
you put your mind to it. (laughing) French onion dip.

Comments (100)

  1. Which dating app do you use and why?

  2. I wish I lived in New York… Here in my hometown I get that "there's no one to swipe to" message after 5 people

  3. At first: oh look another video by Ashely going over something more personal and less tech.

    0.2 seconds after she refers to every one as trash humans for why she's single: ok I am 100% on board and feel this

  4. May the odds be ever in your favor! Also, spinach dip is WHERE IT'S AT!

  5. Why did capital one sponsor this video ?

  6. What the hell does she know

  7. 1. Be Handsome / Pretty
    2. Be Attractive
    3. Don't Be Unattractive

  8. Sooooo shouldn’t we be getting advice from someone who actually went through this and formed a real relationship? Obviously if she’s still on the app and is teaching us something’s not right.

  9. First world problems…….

  10. Hey Ashley, spinach artichoke dip is the best

  11. Want to meet someone? Go out of home, interact with people IRL. The state of things in this area is just sad.

  12. What if I looked like Shrek?

  13. Why are dating apps reviewed by single people in any way going to show the effectiveness of said app? It's like asking someone that has never tasted chocolate to choose which color of chocolate has the best taste..

  14. y'all running out of ideas

  15. The whole video just seems so futile.

  16. I'm going to be honest, I don't get the whole thing of desperately trying to find someone. You should live your life and start a relationship if and when the opportunity occurs. It should be a natural thing.

  17. Live your glasses, totes adorbs

  18. …or you could just come to Italy AND change your eyeglasses frame. We will devour you

  19. Great video! I recently discovered your podcast, really love it!

  20. Honestly, I quit dating apps a long time ago. I’ve had way more luck just randomly finding people on Instagram I have mutual friends/interests with.

  21. Very bad episode as a nerd why should i be with anyone i prefer to spend my time with console watching a movie or using social media

  22. All I have are selfies ‘cause I have no friends 😭

  23. Please just dont verge

  24. Step one: Be white (unless you're in a very large city).

  25. is the Saturn V at the wall the one made by LEGO ?

  26. How about I binge watch season 3 of Daredevil

  27. Paid by Hinge* Lolol

  28. sometimes go out and have conversations with real person

  29. "Swipping on Tinder feels kinda superficial to me" this is wrong in so many ways…

  30. Nice video, but separate app for serious relationship and another app for fling etc? I thought I could find a variety of people with different objectives on any of these popular dating apps.

  31. How to get laid efficiently and effectively with the verge

  32. Just follow rules 1 and 2 and your set

  33. you'd be a great catch; smart, industrious, well spoken, and thoughtful. best of luck in your search.

  34. To be honest I'm sort of frustrated with dating apps and "dating life" but I can tell that you are an awesome person so I really wish you luck and finding someone who will truely deserve you.

  35. all i got was bots bots bots and more bots :/

  36. Tinder banned me for no reason.

  37. Ok. I watched the whole video and did learn something. Going to use more statements and less questions.

    That being said, I really disagree with your photo choices. Guys don't care that you like fancy food. We all eat food, it's not special. The beautiful picture of you that you self vetoed was my favorite.

  38. I'm single too and a tech nerd.
    A tech professional, pretty boring.
    I also like food, but I am on a seafood diet. I sea food I eat it.
    Dips are essential to all parties … when I dip, you dip we dip.
    I have 20/20 vision but, I wear glasses because, they make me look smart.
    From California.

  39. Tech reporting not very exciting?! You’re being a little too hard on yourself!

  40. no I F#$%ing hate selfie

  41. But your still single? Not sure how this helps. Be your self point black.

  42. How to get better at dating apps? Not using them!

  43. " Trash human in NYC" hhhh, man, this lady got real heart hurts from nyc trashes.?

  44. Buffalo chicken dip is awesome! I thought it sounded terrible, but I'll try something even if I think I won't like it, because that's fair, right? Anyway it was awesome!

  45. WAIT………

    Is she really still rocking an iPhone 6 in 2018? Respect.

  46. Mad Men definitely is better than Boardwalk Empire.

  47. If you’re a man you should delete all dating apps from all and any device you own.This is the best advice that I or anyone else can give. I’ve done it and now I’m in a happy relationship. I can’t promise the same for everyone but I know you’ll be better off.

  48. 5:00 – 'try a confident statement' … 'spinach and artichoke dip is the best'….

  49. For everyone who says "step 1 be attractive" that's your problem . You don't focus on being fun or social or assume you have in the bag or not care if it doesn't work and move on to other women because there's lots of em . Like just be the best you !!!! And be confident really 90% of the work if a women thinks your looks are a deal breaker someone else might find you cute

  50. 2:00 "It takes a long time to fill out your Hinge profile. You have to include a bunch of photos and answer a bunch of questions."

    lolwut? You only have to upload six photos, answer three prompts, and fill in some other basic info.

  51. I liked you, i live in brooklyn. Can i invite you out?

  52. But why would I want to date an app? 🤔

  53. All the trash humans in New York City? Do you mean the trash men? there are a lot of different cultures in New York are they all trash? How do these men on the app know your not trash? You radiate arrogance, could that be part of the reason your single?

  54. The millennial way, full of nonsense and, due to their "ethics", no true love exists, nor it will ever exist.

  55. Where my incels at?

  56. “I’m a tech reporter, that’s not very exciting…”
    Me: What?!!

  57. "How to find your own sexual predator"

  58. What does this have to do with your Workflow?

  59. best dating app is real life!

  60. There should be a dating app where you just pick one thing you're looking for and it pairs you with someone who can only list one attribute, and vice versa.
    Example: "Nice Cleavage" gets paired with "Fully Loaded BMW Owner" for the shallow pond waders, "MMO Enthusiast" and "Makes Cosplay Costumes" for the geek set, etc.
    "Down to Earth" cannot be an option (at least not until people understand the meaning of that term.)
    "People say I'm 'down to Earth'.."
    Who says that about you? How do you exemplify that description? STOP USING THAT TERM, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!
    Sorry. I ranted.

  61. This is so black mirror!

  62. This is kind of like reading the cosmopolitan. I don’t think the advice is bad, but it’s presented in a simplistic way that turns off more sophisticated users away.

    Also, why are you emphasizing one medium where you obviously haven’t met success? If this were to be truly useful, you’d give equal emphasis on how to better on all media. Not to mention that it’s easy to say “trash humans out there,” but there are millions of humans out there in New York. Are they all trash?

    I dated in New York for 10 years. And I met some very wonderful and compatible women. And they met me. If you really want to find someone amazing, you can.

  63. I have gotten 2 dates from bumble….guess how many years that took?

  64. Is that the LEGO Saturn V in the background?!?!??!?!

  65. Hey Ashley! So, did you meet someone online, some time later?

  66. You seriously messed up on the photos… which is THE most important part

  67. Ashley so how much for a handjob??? =)

  68. I love technology

  69. Think of all of people all the effort people put into these capers. They'd better og going down the boozer and just hanging out for a bit on the way home. All this tech, he said commenting on utube, is isolating with virtual "friends". Put the phone down, and get on your bicycle and cycle and reward yourself with a nice pint or cocktail. Mmmm. Groovey.

  70. where are you supposed to get like 20 photos of yourself doing things?

  71. she's single cause she keeps swiping on chads that only want a pump and dump

  72. Some dating apps are boring like meetme and skout…

  73. Sadly, we don't have Hinge in Europe

  74. To get better on Tinder for average and below guys is easy ask your attractive friend if you can wear his face for your Tinder photos. Works 100% 50% of the time

  75. Smash that thumbs up if you would reply to “Spinach artichoke dip is the best!” 😆

  76. For Men:
    1) Be handsome
    2) Be tall
    3)Be a douchebag/f*ckboy

    For Women:
    1) Be pretty/gorgeous
    ………yeah

  77. Thanks Ashley. But it doesn’t work when you’re a 5’8, comp sci studying, mediocre looking brown man in 1st world country. Trust me, I tried hard. Very hard. “Mirror flower, water moon”- that’s it for me.

  78. Here's a free awesome dating app for everyone to download : MGTOW

  79. If your not super model material forget getting reply from anyone serious about meeting in person..beware of catfish accounts

  80. Ummmm pretty sure the chat game needs to be more substantial than being about dips…

  81. Ashley is a babe. I would totally swipe on her.

  82. Dating apps are for lazy people.

  83. I'm 62 does hinge do my age group!!!

  84. From my experience hinge was just as superficial and shallow as Tinder. Bottom line.. your probably not going to meet anyone on these apps that you'd see a long term thing with.

  85. Hey Ashley, I know you posted this back in October of 2018. But this information was very helpful I didn't even know about hinge until watching this video. Good luck in the dating app world I wish I lived in New York City. Lol

  86. Dating apps have an inherent conflict of interest. If they're too successful, they lose their customer. This whole industry needs to be fixed.

  87. Date me
    Karan mehra in face book
    9340842215 WhatsApp ok

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