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Joe Sweeney: Ted Talk MarquetteU

Joe Sweeney: Ted Talk MarquetteU


so what’s the elephant in the room
what’s percolating inside of all of us that we don’t really talk about what are
we all pretending not to know I think we have a lot of challenges in life and I
think one of the biggest challenges all of us have is this thing called
connection this isn’t something we talked about at cocktail parties or
fraternity parties it’s because many of us don’t want to go deep enough to talk
about things like this so what do we do we get really busy on our iPhones we get
addicted to social media maybe food maybe alcohol but we don’t really want
to talk about this thing that’s burning deep inside of us this thing called
connection in fact one of the best definitions I’ve ever heard of the word
addiction is from a good friend of mine in Phoenix by the name of Joe polish Joe
was an alcoholic cocaine addict and survived being a heroin addict he’s a
world-renowned speaker in this area and he says and I agree with them the
opposite of addiction is connection it’s what we all long for more than anything
in life a deeper connection with ourselves with other people and to a
power higher and greater than ourselves but that’s the elephant in the room that
most of us don’t want to talk about now I once read a book called networking as
a contact sport in fact I wrote the book networking is a contact sport in the
book it is about networking but then again it’s deeper than that it’s really
about connection how do we connect deeper and more meaningful with others I
use the term networking and quite honestly I hate networking I don’t like
it I don’t like what it represents because most of us think when we think
of networking an alpha male at a cocktail party chasing you down with his
business card right in fact by the to this talk you’ll learn that
networking is the complete opposite of that
and I really think the number one success tool in business and in life is
this thing called relationships in the quality of our lives the quality of our
businesses are based on the quality of our relationships and those
relationships are based on how effectively we network and connect with
others and I think if you look at all this TED talks and I’ve watched hundreds
of them by far I think the best TED talk is the TED talk on the Harvard study a
75 year old study on happiness and the conclusion of of that TED talk is that
good relationships keep us healthier happier and we live longer period but
this isn’t something that we we want to talk about it’s the elephant in the room
and I think the secret of great networking and great connecting is the
complete opposite of what we think great networking and connection is really a
place we go to give and serve and not get perhaps the greatest networker and
connector in my lifetime has been mother Teresa the consummate giver and I think
the probably the biggest takers in the corporate world we’re probably the
people from Enron they just named mother Teresa a saint and I think some of the
Enron people are still still in prison so if you want to be a great connector
and a great networker realize it’s not about you it’s about how do we serve
others and so a lot of these talks people give philosophies and I always
like saying tell me how to do it how do you do this who are the best net workers
and connectors and what are they do what are their traits what are their habits
and I think if you really want to be a great connector or a great networker
number one figure out what makes people tick why do people do what they do in
life my number one passion my entire life has been human behavior I’m
infatuated with people’s behavior and what they do
why is it that some people can win back to back to back
NFL MVPs Brett Favre why is it some people can go through this torturous
training of becoming a Navy SEAL and why is it some people can’t get out of bed
in the morning what are the traits what are the tools that they use I’ll never
forget my father had 10 kids I’m the ninth boy in our family well if there
was ever any reason for an adult to spend tens of thousands of dollars in
therapy try be the number 9 number 9 son I’m the number 9 son but I’ll never
forget my dad died of lung cancer and while he was in treatment we came out of
the hospital in in a wheelchair was a woman on oxygen dying of emphysema
smoking a cigarette I remember how angry I got on this but I
really didn’t understand her behavior and the more I thought about it her
behavior made perfect sense she found more pleasure from this drug called
nicotine than the pain she was experiencing from dying of emphysema so
great networkers really understand what people what makes people tick and when I
think about the woman at dying of emphysema
I really think that I understand why she was doing that so to be a great
connector try to understand that all human behavior makes sense
even when we don’t and great networkers and connectors understand human needs
and we all have hundreds of needs Maslow talked about five basic needs but I
think there are really three basic needs we all all need and great connectors and
networkers understand that we we all need to belong to something bigger than
ourselves we need to love and be loved and we need to know that our life has
meaning and significance I think the number-one need need to belong to
something bigger than ourselves and I think today this is more important
than ever because with all the technology I think we think we’re
connected and we belong to groups I would argue we’re more isolated now than
ever I could technically get up every morning
in my home in my underwear I know that’s a scary thought and do my work and think
I’m connected with people I’m not connected with people in Milwaukee
Wisconsin there is a motorcycle company called harley-davidson and if you look
at harley-davidson there’s probably not a better company in the world that
understands the need to belong better than harley-davidson when you buy a
harley-davidson motorcycle you become part of this family if you’ve ever gone
to a hog Rally the Harley ownership group it’s like a family you really
belong to something bigger than yourself and if you look at this this whole
belonging some of the greatest TV shows we’re about belonging remember the old
TV show Cheers I’ll see you the term and you finish it
you want to go where where everyone knows your name what’s that about that’s
about belonging but I want to say something about belonging there’s a
difference between belonging and trying to fit in I think many of us and I’m
guilty as as anyone I’ve tried to fit in a lot in my life
and belonging is different than fitting in belonging is you have people who who
care about you and love you for who you are fitting in is basically if you
subscribe to the philosophy of our tribe we will let you fit in so try to figure
out how we belong to something bigger than ourselves we all need to feel loved
and be loved and I think the company that had understood that better than any
company was Coca Cola there was an ad the most famous Coca Cola ad and they’re
bringing it back today is the the I want to teach the world to sing do you
remember that ad it was like a kumbaya moment on top of the mountain where
these people were holding hands and Coco why did you believe that if if you drank
coca-cola you would feel this love has nothing to do with coca-cola coca-cola
rots your teeth and rots your stomach but here’s what coca-cola understood the
Maya Angelou quote people will forget what you say people will forget what you
do people will never forget the way you
make them feel I think that’s brilliant man what’s your name
Emma could I ask you a question Emma do you remember the last time you were
wowed you do you sitting by a good-looking guy did he do that
sure do you remember how how great that made you feel so I’m gonna ask Emma a
question but I’m asking everybody Emma if you remember the last time you were
wowed and how great that made you feel why wouldn’t you get up and wow somebody
every day the greatest networkers and the greatest connectors know how to do
that and and so how do you create a wow factor tell me how to do that you have
to create what I call a PE see a personal emotional connection find
something personal about someone and then do something memorable it’s a way
that you can instantly connect with people now I have a ritual I’ve done
this for decades I go to the bank every every month and I get a lot of $2 bills
why because when you give someone a $2 bill it kind of Wow’s them most people
don’t think you can their maid anymore but if you give someone a $2 bill
they’ll kind of go wow so I want to do something for all of you here tonight if
all of you right now would look under your chair look under it go underneath
you all have a $2.00 bill under your chair you got it hold it up all right
okay so here’s your homework assignment to help you to begin a process of
connecting I want you to give this $2.00 bill away to someone give it to a
homeless person go buy a cup of coffee for somebody and watch their reaction
okay I want to ask someone here did anybody get in the audience something
besides a $2.00 bill although right stand up no stand up that what was it
under yours a hundred dollar bill okay if you want
to impress someone give them a – if you really want to impress them give them a
hundred no the reason I did this is I want all of you to experience it you all
do you all get a little while when someone gives you a $2.00 bill so listen
you don’t have to give someone a $2.00 bill or $100 bill if you want to create
a personal emotional connection again find something personal and do something
memorable we all need to know that our life has meaning and we’ve made a
difference the best add-on that I’ve ever seen as the master courage remember
that fishing poles $28 worms three dollars and 25 cents an afternoon
fishing with your teenagers priceless exactly so as you go through this
process of connecting think about these three needs and how you can answer them
for other people and when you talk about networking and in connection there’s a
process in this and it’s a very simple process
in fact I’m almost embarrassed to talk about it it’s asking listening acting
and then believing in receiving you know but to me it’s sort of like losing
weight losing weight really simple you just exercise more and you eat less but
it’s really hard to do and same with networking and connecting so when you
ask I think you’ve got to ask remember networking is a place would go to give
and serve and not get you got to ask with a mindset of giving you’ve got to
ask persistently creatively you’ve got to ask outside the box and most
importantly I think you’ve got to figure out how to make asking fun and if you
can learn to how to make asking fun you’ll never work another day in your
life and then listen most people think connectors and net
workers are great talkers in fact they’re incredible listeners they’ll ask
good questions and they’ll sit back and listen and take it in but they ask great
questions what are the three common questions we all we all ask and they’re
terrible I’m gonna do it with you Emma how you
doing good Emily you busy yeah oh yeah hey Emma
what’s new not too much I don’t know anything about Emma
so after Emma and I break the ice I think a great question to ask is Emma
what are you most excited about in your life and you can see Emma light up and
she could talk to you about things that really resonate with her and that’s how
you build this connection and so the other the third thing is a lot of us ask
and listen but we don’t take action the greatest book written on taking action
and overcoming excuses is a book written by Wayne Dyer called excuses be gone
when Rick Wayne wrote the book he sent out a survey give me your number one
reason why you don’t take action and he got 5,000 responses back and you can see
up here he documented the top 18 I love this I don’t know about you but in the
last 12 months of my life I did every single one of these I used as an excuse
the reason I highlighted number 17 I’m too busy it’s the number one excuse we
all use for not connecting and networking with people I’m just too busy
if you do this effectively you’re networking all the time in connecting
all the time and so we’ve got asking listening acting and then if you create
a mindset that when you help others you’ll get far more in return than you
ever give you realize this philosophy really works the other thing I want to
talk to you about is and I ask the question who’s your wing man or wing
woman as we go through life great networkers and connectors all create
their own inner circle their own personal board of directors the term
term comes from military you’ve got a lead pilot and you’ve got a wingman or
wing woman to watch your back well many times life in business is like war and
it’s many times the silent bullet that comes that you never see or hear that’ll
kill you and great wingmen and wing women will watch your back and let you
know where the bullet is the bullets coming warned you if it’s
too late they’ll jump in front and take a bullet for you and in in business
there’s something called the 80/20 rule in business it’s where 80% of your
business comes from 20% of your customers I have a little different take
on that the reason you need wingmen and wingwomen in your life is 80% of the
people out there don’t care about your problems and the other 20% are damn glad
you got them so you need someone in your inner circle to watch your back at all
times so I want to end with this what is the real purpose of this networking
connecting what’s the real purpose of relationships have any of you ever been
on the deathbed of a parent or grandparent or a loved one what do they
want to talk about they want to talk about two things the the special moments
in time that they’ve shared with loved ones because at the end of your life
that’s all you’ve got you’ve got the loved ones your loved ones in those
special moments in time that you shared with them that’s why this is so
important human relationships magnify the human experience so I’m going to
give you a little test tonight I’d like you to do the rocking chair test before
you fall asleep tonight I’d like you to pretend you’re 95 years old you’re in
the nursing home sitting in your depends reflecting on your life and I want you
to ask you ask yourself to question this what would your life look like if it
really turned out great that’s really a hard question what would your life look
like if it really turned out great go from that spot to where you are today
and then figure out who you’re gonna spend time with and what type of
relationships you’re gonna build for your remaining years and I think at the
end of our lives we’re gonna have an exam it’s a one-question exam it’s not a
take-home it’s not a do-over and the one question we’re all going to be asked is
this did we give more to life than what we took
and I hope and pray that if you understand networking business and
connections are more about giving than taking that will all pass our final exam
thank you very much

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