Mel Robbins: How To Overcome Self-Doubt ( Mel Robbins Depression )

Mel Robbins: How To Overcome Self-Doubt ( Mel Robbins Depression )

Okay I’m seriously winded fuck so I have
a question for you what’s your next chapter I’m dead serious what is the
next chapter of your life I don’t care how young you are how old you are I want
to turn the tables back on you I want you to think about where you’ve been I
want you to think about why are you here there is a new chapter starting in your
life in your business in your relationships and it’s gonna start right
now so what is it you know I’ve been thinking about this a lot because I’m in
the middle of starting a new chapter I I’ve been thinking I don’t know how
many of you know me or know my story but I’m going to tell you a little bit about
it the last chapter of my life my
professional life started about six years ago so six years ago I gave this
TED talk this TEDx talk and you know by the way this was the first time I had
ever given a speech so this is if you want to see what it looks like for
somebody to have a 21 minute long panic attack this is a great speech to watch
and you know what was I talking about well you know I was asked to come and
talk about how I had changed my career so many times because I had been the
kind of person that really could never figure out what the heck I should do
with my life I had gone to law school because I couldn’t figure out what to do
I practiced criminal defense for a long time then I went into corporate
litigation that I went into the dot-com scene then I got into the
entrepreneurial scene then I got into the coaching scene then I got into the
media business and I was a syndicated talk show host on the radio for a while
and then I worked for CNN and I never thought I would be a speaker never in a
million years so I was giving this talk and it was to talk more about how you
change and at the end I let a little secret slip you see I had discovered
something at a terrible time in my life how many
of you know what the five-second rule is not the one with the food on the floor
you know where you drop it okay great thank you for raising your hands if
you’ll if you’ll just give me a couple minutes I’m gonna I’m gonna bring
everybody else into the party that didn’t raise their hand so in 2008 my
husband’s restaurant business started going under and it took our house our
entire life savings and almost our marriage with it and thankfully it
didn’t take the marriage but it took all the money and at the time I was also
unemployed and and I was facing an issue where I just felt like shit about myself
excuse the word but I did have you ever felt that way yeah
the alarm would go off in the morning and all I could think about her all the
things that were wrong with my life you ever wake up and you feel that sense of
dread you got a job you hate going to you got a body that you don’t like you
just don’t feel that good well that was me every single morning and I was also
doing a lot making a lot of decisions that were pretty bad I was drinking a
lot I was not that nice to my husband and I was really really struggling
because I was really scared see I was doing a lot of things that caused me
pain because I was in a lot of pain well what ended up happening is one night I I
I was watching a commercial and I saw this rocket ship launching and I thought
oh my god that’s the answer that’s it right there tomorrow morning when the
alarm goes off because I was hitting the snooze button over and over and over
again tomorrow morning when that alarm goes off I am going to rock it out of
that bed like a rocket ship I’m gonna move so fast that I cannot talk myself
out of getting up now it might have been the four manhattan’s I had had that
night that gave me that dumb idea but you know whatever I’m gonna take the
inspiration where it comes so the next morning the alarm goes off and I’ll
never forget this you guys it was a Tuesday it was February we had lost the
kids college savings there was a lien on her house Chris was sleeping on the
couch I was unemployed I felt like the world’s
worst parent I felt like them just no confidence no idea how he’s gonna dig
myself out of this hole the alarm goes off and and it was weird it was like
time suspended immediately as I laid there in bed I started thinking I
started thinking about all the things that were wrong I started thinking about
the dread that I felt I started thinking about ah another terrible day I just
don’t have the energy for this and then I did something I had never done before
I could feel the doubt closed in as I was lying there thinking I went 5 4 3 2
1 I stood up and I was like what the hell just happened 5 4 3 2 1 that’s the
dumbest thing I’ve ever heard the next morning the alarm goes off I didn’t feel
like getting up still had all the same problems I went 5 4 3 2 1 I stood up now
that I’m almost 50 when the alarm goes off at 2:00 Thor when the body alarm
goes off and I have to go to the bathroom I don’t lay there and think
about it 5 4 3 2 1 I get up and go lying there it’s very hard to go back to
sleep isn’t it so a funny thing happened as I started to use this stupid rule
okay as I started to use this rule I’m gonna count backwards 5 4 3 2 1 if I
know I should do something my whole life started to change you see what I’m about
to prove to you today is that your entire life is happening in five-second
windows that the secret to greater confidence the secret to beating
self-doubt the secret to building that legacy to being hungry like Wes was
talking about five-second windows five-second decisions I made myself a
promise as I started to beat the habit of hitting the snooze button I said to
myself look if I find myself in a situation where I know what I should do
but I don’t feel like doing it I’m gonna use this stupid rule so I went 5 4 3 2 1
and get up and I’d walk into the kitchen and I’d see Chris and we still had all
these financial problems that I’d go wanna strangle you because it’s easier
to point the finger isn’t it at other people you ever noticed when you’re
pointing the finger at other people and blaming and
and complaining there’s always three pointing right back at you isn’t there I
think it’s the universe or God’s Way of saying hey the power is in you but when
you don’t feel confident you don’t feel that the power is in you do you you feel
full of doubt so slowly but surely I started making five second decisions I
would see the booze and I knew I shouldn’t have and I go five four three
two one and I turn away and see the phone and knew I needed to make a phone
call to get a job and I’d go five four three two one and everything started to
change now and full disclosure I was never gonna tell anybody about this ever
because it sounds so stupid oh you guys want to change your life no problem just
count to five done okay mic drop I’m out that’s it here’s the other thing I had
no idea why it worked I honestly thought like I was a witch I had figured out a
spell I understood like how to create magic in my head and here’s the other
thing this was classified this was my stuff why would I want you
to have it this was working for me I suddenly went
from depressed drinking in bed in debt fighting with my husband to getting up
getting in shape getting sober for a while getting a job getting a radio show
making that radio show syndicate making more money than I ever thought was
possible how one five-second decision at a time
so I never intended to tell anybody because it was working for me it was
working for Chris and then I get and I do this talk and I’m having a panic
attack and I totally forget where I am and at the very end I’m like oh by the
way there’s this thing called the five-second rule Wow
so 2011 was when that chapter of my life started I walked off that stage they put
that thing on line and it’s almost 11 million views strong at this point yes
now the five-second rule for those of you that are wondering is this it’s
super simple the moment you begin to hesitate count 5 4 3 2 1 do not do it
out loud you will scare people you sound insane 5 4 3 2 1 ok here I’m ready to go
don’t count up you can keep going you’re gonna count backwards 5 4 3 2 1 and then
you got to move and you got to do this so that your mind doesn’t stop you and
in a minute I’m gonna explain you explain some of the science but I want
to tell you kind of some of the backstory so you know a funny thing
happened as that talk started to spread people from around the world started to
write and we’ve heard from more than a quarter of a million people in 90
countries now what do you suppose they write about they write about that stupid
five-second rule but the things that they write about are crazy profound so
you know this gentleman started using it and he’s on pace to double his business
in 18 months more importantly he’s so present with his kids going 5 4 3 2 1
and waking up in the moment that he’s like dad of the year we see people using
the rule in order to find the courage to reach out to people we see people using
it in a selling situation because you know thinking about making the call
won’t make the call happen thinking about making sales funny that doesn’t
grow your business does it makes you smart doesn’t make you rich easy rule to
teach to people you’re gonna become addicted to it because it’s so stupid
and it works you’re gonna be surprised works and it’s free it’s unbelievable we
know if people around the world that are also quitting terrible habits and we’re
gonna talk a little bit about habits today we also see people that are
becoming more productive we know of at least 21 people that have stopped
themselves from committing suicide because no matter what I don’t care how
amazing your life is or how low Achatz your inner wisdom is always with you
always and the key to getting what you want and we’re going to talk about the
next chapter of your life that starts today
is having the clarity to tune into that wisdom having the courage to listen to
it and having the confidence to actually take action now if you wanted the
license plate it’s gone and I need to say do not use this to get a tattoo and
if you decide that you’re going to I am NOT responsible yes this keeps happening
so that’s kind of my story okay it started in 2011 and it created this
incredible speaking career and I wrote this book that is gone and exploded in
terms of reaching and spreading the idea and take the five-second rule start
using it it’s free it works walk out of here and try it but that
brings me back to you because I’ve kind of had this feeling lately that a new
chapter is starting do you feel that way I think so because I think that’s why
you’re here there is a new chapter starting and I had something really
weird happen to me the other day so the new chapter for me is is all about doing
more work where I can connect with people doing less work where I’m on a
stage and I don’t get to talk to people in terms of the exchange you walk out of
here I may never see you again I hope not I hope not but doing more work like
creating courses and creating more content online so I can stay connected
to you so last week I did this course at creativeLIVE where I taught my first
course seven hours long live with them is terrified
absolutely terrifying and I had this sense I said the night before I said as
we were there rehearsing before we’re about to do this course I feel like this
is the beginning of a new chapter I really do and I’m one of those kind of
weird people that I believe in signs you see I think that it’s a sign that you’re
sitting here right now so that night right before the class and kind of
freaking out I say to my business partner can you pick somewhere that we
can go so we can work and she says sure and I said just pick a hotel somewhere
so we can go get some work done and so we happened that car have no idea
where we’re going and we pull and I realize oh my god holy cow this is the
hotel that I stayed in the night before that TEDx talk and there is the building
where I gave that talk I had come full circle check this out we are at the st. Regis Hotel in San
Francisco and I’m freaking out because when I walked in I realised that
in 2011 which is six years ago I stayed in this hotel and gave the TED talk that
TEDx talk that’s gone viral that launched my career that helped me spread
the five-second rule I gave that TED talk across the street from here we
walked into this hotel randomly and tomorrow I am teaching a course on the
science of confidence with creative lives and this is the beginning of the
next phase of my career being a content creator having a company that creates
courses and moving into the realm of influencer and out of the realm of
corporate speaker and I feel so freaked out because I look for signs in life and
this is a sign that I’ve come full circle I am completing this six year
chapter of my career and I’m back to the place where it started to launch the
next one cool right now that was about me but
here’s this what’s your next chapter see I would do my job if I got you all so in
action that you were on stage next year right that’s right because your doubts
are creating mountains the reason why I’m here is I’m going to show you how to
move them we’re gonna cover a couple things here the title of the talk was
break the habit of self-doubt and rock confidence so what we’re gonna talk
about is confidence what is it because a lot of us don’t understand it I know I
didn’t understand it I had not the real confidence I had the
fake kind you know they’re really bossy annoying in kind where it was really
driven by insecurity what we want to talk about is real confidence the other
thing we’re to talk about it’s the habit of self-doubt the habit of self-doubt so
believe it or not self-doubt is a habit it’s a behavior a thinking pattern that
you repeat over and over and then it becomes automated and when I can get you
to understand that anxiety worry procrastination self-doubt they are all
habits then I can show you using science how you can break them and then
everything changes and it all comes back to these five second decisions if you
had more confidence how would your business and life change for the better
I’m gonna tell you how mine had when I finally learned what confidence is and
what it isn’t number one I know how to say no how many of you have a hard time
saying no you have clients who can’t stand you have people that work for you
the drain you the ability to align your goals with values and actions fearless
negotiator fearless greater self control by the way let me stop there for a
second because I believe that in today’s world this is the number one skill for
you self control and we’re gonna give you tools today there to give it to you
you’re gonna make a lot more money and you’re gonna be a happier human being
absolutely and I’m gonna show you how to do it we can talk about change all you
want but I’m the kind of person that’s about real advice for
people and that’s gonna require some real action so as I’m talking I want you
to notice what are the physical sensations the feelings that come up in
your body when I ask you how would your life change if you had more confidence
and you have an answer do you feel yourself shrinking do you feel yourself
talking yourself out of raising your hand because if I can get you to start
to isolate that pattern and that habit simply and how you respond to whether or
not you’re gonna answer this question if I can break that right there so that you
learn to try I almost fell off a minute okay there’s a thing you learn to try
thank you but it’s like sir crowd-surf right now you got me okay then you can
bring that anywhere I’m into experiential learning because you know I
got this Lexia I’m a DV it’s really hard for me to read
and retain so if I feel it if I have to do it then it sticks so let’s talk about
the myths and the truths about confidence okay number one confidence is
a personality trait total baloney total baloney
lots of extroverted people that are really bossing and annoying like I used
to be hailed oh I might still be a little annoying but really insecure
really insecure there’s a lot of introverted folks that feel
uncomfortable putting themselves out there but they’re they really believe in
what they’re saying so confidence is not a personality trait confidence is fixed
that’s not true you could be the most confident person
in the world and the person that you love leaves you that’s gonna rock
confidence you could be a really great business person and then make a really
bad decision and blow it all that’s gonna rock you number three the
confidence starts with belief this is where I go against so many other people
I actually believe that this is not true I think that thinking positive thoughts
will certainly make you feel better in the moment but it’s not going to create
change that you want that you can be a negative
streeted depressed anxiety-ridden son-of-a-gun
and you can still take action and that taking action is key you see here’s the
truth about confidence first of all it’s not a skill it’s a trait and that’s good
news it makes use me it’s not a trait oh it’s a skill it’s not a trait see
dyslexia and full display I was not lying about that confidence is a skill
it’s not a trait confidence is situational so there are areas of your
life where you are confident and then there are areas of your life where you
have a ton of doubt and here’s the most important one confidence begins with
action now this is not something that I made up and in a second I’m going to
show you the science I want you to write this quote down if you have a problem
that can be solved with action you don’t have a problem so a lot of us talk about
the problems that we have but they’re actually not problems we’re stuck in one
of the traps of self-doubt and that’s what we’re gonna be talking about in
just a second but first I want to show you how you build confidence and let’s
let’s look at the research because there’s really really strong research on
this if you want more information on this just google the confidence
competency loop the confidence competency loop let me show you what
this is so basically if you try something he’s either you’re gonna
succeed or he’s going to survive now what happens if you survive it like you
really blow it but you survived it well you learned something and then when you
learn something what are you doing you’re building skills and when you’re
building skills at something what are you gaining competency all competency
means is that by learning something over and over and over again you have to do
less thinking about it so you don’t have time to get anxious just like me and the
bed I had time to lay there so I was thinking about all my problems the more
you do something the more that you try the more you build skill and competency
and that is where confidence comes so I want you to walk out of here not only
with the 5 4 3 2 1 catch yourself when you feel yourself shrinking catch
yourself when you feel yourself editing yourself or silencing yourself I
also want you to walk out of here with a brand new definition of confidence which
I’m going to give to you in a second because check this out all of us are
gonna feel failure let me show you what happens when you are afraid of failing
when you’re when you’re fearing it first of all you’re gonna start thinking
aren’t you oh I don’t know if I want to give a speech I might be really bad at
it and then I don’t know what I want to talk about it I’m not really sure am I
writing am I not writing should I wear the tennis shoes should I wear the heels
should I not know this should I do this and then of course as you think you’re
gonna start to doubt yourself and this becomes this loop this is what
researchers call a habit loop we’re gonna get more into this this is a chunk
of behavior that gets encoded in this part of your brain you see you don’t
you’re not a doubter you have a habit of doing it the same is true by the way
when you feel nervous you start overthinking the same is true when you
start feeling insecure the same is true when you feel like a fake the same is
true when you start to get overwhelmed the same is true when you start to fear
rejection all of those things normal it’s normal to be afraid of being
rejected it sucks it’s normal to feel nervous these feelings are normal
acting nervous is a choice there’s only one way to break a habit loop you have
to insert a different behavior pretty neat huh
see we spend way too much time with the red arrows I got to be fearless
I can’t never I can’t ever worry III you know I it’s terrible to feel like a fake
no it’s not it’s normal in fact you’re going to when you first relaunch your
eco adventure company you’re gonna feel like a fake that is normal
acting like one is a choice so the only way to break the habit of self-doubt and
thinking is to take action and what action are you gonna take 5 4 3 2 1 and
that if you do it over and over what’s a new habit in place this is how
you build confidence one five-second decision at a time let me show you a
little bit more science right here is your brain and the red
part right there that’s the basal ganglia that’s where all your habit
loops get encoded everything that you do that you don’t think about whirring let
me give you another example when you put on your pants you put your right or your
left leg in first you’re thinking about it aren’t you you don’t when you pull
your jeans on it’s a pattern of behavior that is right here here’s the other
problem this is also where worry is this is where anxiety is this is where
depression is this is where self-doubt is it’s all right here this is where
procrastination is what happens when you go 5 4 3 2 1 is you activate the
prefrontal cortex which you know is the part of the brain that you need for
strategic thinking for acting with courage for changing so the truth is in
five seconds you can change anything and that changes everything
and I want you to understand that to feel more confident about the things
that you want to do in your next chapter it begins with being willing to try
so if confidence is the decision to try because I also like the idea of you not
thinking that the big topics like confidence are about how you feel I want
to make them action based because you can’t control how you feel at times but
you can always choose how you act so if confidence is the decision to try
here’s the definition of self-doubt it’s the decision not to see one of the
things that I’ve come to realize is that when you talk about self-doubt it’s such
a big term that you tend to think that it’s just nothing that you can control
but what if you started to consider that self-doubt is actually a decision it’s
gonna give you a lot of power now remember I told you that your doubts
create mountains and your actions move them so let me show you the four traps
of self-doubt this is really incredible stuff so the four traps of self-doubt
because I just said confidence is about an action self-doubt is
decision not to try and there are four ways for actions that we all engage in
that are you deciding not to try here they are
hesitating hiding hypercritical and helplessness so I’m gonna unpack
these for you and I want you to be thinking for a minute I want you to
think about that next chapter and as I roll these out I want you to think about
are you stuck in this and by the way I can relate to every single one of these
so when I think about the next chapter of getting into throwing events and and
creating more and more courses and doing bigger and bigger things I can see
myself and every single one of those okay
so this is normal stuff and when you start to break it apart now you’ve got
the power to change it so hesitation what does this look like first of all
it’s triggered by uncertainty so if you feel uncertain about the changes that
you want to make you’re gonna fall into this trap you’re gonna start hesitating
you’re gonna find yourself waiting you’re gonna start overthinking you’re
gonna want your work to be perfect who is struggling with hesitation right now
okay come on up here Kelly Jo hop up can you
climb out there yeah get up here let’s go oh god this way you visualize she
visually we get rid of the round of applause please is this the mic where’s the mic
oh here’s the mic round of applause please just like yes thank you
okay okay you’re gonna pee your pants this would be amazing
cuz normally it’s me doing that on stage okay hi
so what is the next chapter that you want in your life like what is it that
you’re working on I went it was this right now to be up here what do you mean
I wanted at this conference to stand on this stage and then because I have stage
fright it terrifies the shit out of me right
now my voice is quivering now interesting what’s happening in your
body my voice is shaking what else I feel like my chest is gonna cave in what
else I’m really hot are you sweating it no but my head hurt and now I don’t the
clammy hands uh yeah you tightness in the throat very much how many of you
kind of feel that for her yes those are your miracles right oh now
you can feel all of that stuff and you can take action this is exactly what I’m
talking about so what is it that you really want to do that you’re hesitating
which I would you wait do you ever think which one are you doing uncertainty yeah
uncertainty overthinking so what do you want to create what’s the next chapter
for you I want to give a voice to kids that have been sexually abused and let
them let them know that they can talk about it Wow now how are you hesitating
how are you stuck in this trap what are the things that you’re doing tell on
yourself hmm hmm well I didn’t know that wasn’t answer till just now
but uh I honestly have no idea right now right now I can hardly see I’m so
excited that’s okay okay so come back to me so
what are the things that you do that stop you from moving forward I get
scared that I’m not gonna be able to provide for my kids okay what do you
currently do I work in sales okay and so you basically tell yourself a
story you’re over thinking that if I do this then like it’s one or the other no
I mean like I kick ass in sales great and you do that wonderfully like okay
it’s just who I am this right here standing here and
feeling like my story is important it’s not easy because you’re a survivor – yes
so am i it starts with the willingness to try do you see this that actually
hearing what was in here and being brave enough for in five four three two one
it starts with that otherwise you get trapped in hesitating you get trapped in
thinking well I’m so good in sales I can’t even possibly start that but I got
so much going on I couldn’t possibly find the time Who am I to do that I
don’t even know but I’d have stage fright up above it but right yes yep so
the thing that I want you to understand what is one thing let’s leverage the
progress principle do you guys know the progress principle this is fantastic
research from the Harvard Business School that just came out where there
was a really fastidious professor that studied thousands and thousands and
thousands of people and their daily work she made him keep journals and then she
crunched all the data’s on the journal to figure out what makes somebody have a
great day at work what makes somebody come home and feel like they’ve gotten a
lot done what makes them feel productive it was really simple super simple did
they make progress on one thing that mattered to them today that’s it so this
is your one thing that matters to you and so what I want you to do leaving
here and for all of you that fall into this case
Gouri hesitating I did this with the event thing the event side of my
business that I want to do been doing this for years overthinking this thing
coming up with reasons over thinking over thinking if this is you I want you
to leverage the progress principle I want you every morning to write down one
thing that mattered like that that you can do just one thing take forward is
forward I don’t care how small it is and then five four three two one find five
minutes to just inch that ball down the field because what happens is when you
start to see yourself taking action on something that’s important to you like
giving a voice to survivors of sexual abuse whether it’s just researching or
taking a new online course or just buying a book or just having a
conversation or just watching a video if you do that every single day what
happens is you start to see yourself becoming the kind of person that’s doing
it this is the secret to everything everything I cannot stress this enough
and I cannot thank you enough for your bravery okay of course I better take
this okay there we go good job okay here’s another one hiding hiding hiding
is triggered by fear hiding is triggered by fear if you’re hiding you know if
you’re hiding cuz you avoid people right a lot of people in Direct Selling do
this right you know who you want to call but we’re not gonna call him nope or
you’re in a meeting and you’re silent or you see somebody you want to meet and
you’re silent you’re being a chicken I was a big
chicken about money for a while I hid a lot in this category procrastinating all
right who’s next who sees himself our Julie oh hold on you’re great Julie come
up at your in the pink hair you’re next okay come on Julie get up here give her
a round of applause she’s doing the work for all of us Wow okay
she’s not hiding anymore okay yes hi are you we hold this and I crush on you
right and you do cool so what is your next chapter so I want to open up a
national chain of nutrition companies like a nutrition say you can feel these
things and you can keep moving okay see yeah and she’s doing the work for you
for all of us this is what it looks like to try the feelings are normal
letting them stop you that’s a choice you guys want to hear my heart we can no
be your radiance so I am a nutritionist and I have a small office and I’ve been
hiding and helping people but I want to take it larger like a big Jenny Craig
type of thing but more natural like helping people figure out their issues
and support and accountability do you see hiding as a choice do you see
that hiding is a choice yes okay and what are you afraid of why are you
hiding I’m scared I’m scared what are you scared I guess I’m scared
of failure yeah okay there to failure and I’m I’m afraid my life is gonna
change and I’ll be so busy that I won’t be able to go on vacation or hang out
with my kids or yeah who can relate it up yeah you know what’s so interesting
about that is that when you’re afraid of failure and you don’t take action you
kind of feel like a failure don’t you mmm-hmm because your dream wants you a
little bit yeah so the thing that you’re most afraid of you’ve already got
because you’re you’re really you’re really struggling underneath this big
dream that you have so in terms of hiding so if you’re somebody that hides
the key is is literally literally baby steps the other thing that I’m going to
tell you about the hiding self-doubt trap is that you’re always going to be
terrified it’s always gonna feel like a big deal and so expect it to
okay expect it to so the other thing I want you to do is because the other
thing that people do that hide is you here how big it is
did you hear national chain now that is the dream but what could the next
chapter be that’s not so scary local so let’s start with I want you leaving here
and the next chapter of your life is actually launching the first prototype
does that make sense now what is something that you can do
tomorrow that would force you out of your shell and to not hide to inch
forward one action toward a local find a location or research do some sort of
research on a building or how that would yes this is exactly right you don’t know
oh you’re building competency you don’t know how do you figure it out you push
yourself to try and it doesn’t matter what you try you got to look at
buildings you got to look at other concepts you’ve got to read a book on
the business you got to talk to people in the business this is what’s so
exciting about the next chapter you’re gonna figure it out got it okay good
give her a round of applause I love you alright let me give you the other one
and then we’ll bring you up I’ll bring you up you can come up while I explain
this okay so the next one hyper critical so this is when you lawyer things to
death this is when you argue against yourself and this is usually triggered
by past failures so if you’re somebody that got burnt in a relationship and
you’re busy arguing I’m not doing online dating I’m never dating again if you’ve
got burnt and business and you are worried about starting again you argue
against yourself so there are things that are opportunities and yet you’re
the one that’s so critical and if this isn’t you it might be somebody in your
life where you see the greatness in them and they’re like yeah I don’t know and
and you always focus on the reasons why you can’t like you can’t even see the
possibility you fixate on what could go wrong your stress has an edge to it so
hiding is quiet and avoiding has datings very busy this has an edge okay
come on up here give her a round of applause hi how are you nice to meet you
come on over here let’s go in the middle so everybody can see you
okay so what is it that you would like to change what’s your next chapter my
next chapter is actually moving forward I’ve taken a huge leap and I’ve left my
full-time job without really if any kind of a financial plan in place like my
family does not have health insurance right now and I’m in direct sales and
also building businesses I’m not exactly sure where it’s going right now but it
has been in the making for 20 years like literally I took my profession that took
me off to the side let me ask you what is it that is what are you doing to get
in your own way where is the type of self-doubt whether it’s hiding
hesitating being hypercritical it’s hesitating and hypercritical okay and
I’m staying too busy to focus on continuing to make that so what is the
one thing that you need to be doing so for those of you that are arguing
against yourself you’re hyper critical you’re negative I guarantee you you know
the thing that you need to be doing it might be cold calls it might be getting
out there more and talking about your business this one we see a lot in people
trying to build a direct selling business that you argue against yourself
instead of getting into action so let’s tell one on yourself what is the one
thing that you need to be doing that you constantly avoid or talk yourself out of
I’m not getting out there and recruiting and building my team because I’m afraid
I’m I’m afraid that I haven’t provided enough for my family and the people that
I already have and so I just tell myself I really don’t deserve to have more
because I’m not taking care of what I currently have that must be paralyzing
yeah okay so you’ve got two choices two choices and you’re gonna make a decision
right now you’re either gonna go get a job so that you don’t have that excuse
anymore that’s option a
or you’re going to every time you catch you’re here to make a little plan in the
morning of the things you need to do and you know exactly what they are and when
you catch yourself shrinking hiding complaining you’re going to go five four
three two one because in five seconds flat
self-doubt procrastination can derail you or you can step in and push yourself
forward door number a find a job and therefore we remove the excuse order
number B give yourself a timeline you got two months to get this done and
every day you are going to push yourself what’s your choice five four three two
one let’s go every day make a choice move forward great I want you to do this
for two months if after two months you have not made this happen you need to
get a job so that you are providing the insurance for your family but I want to
give you a two-month runway to absolutely crush it you got it got it
good okay thanks excellent all right final one the final one is helplessness
and I realized I want I need to have a man come up here triggered by insecurity
or low self-worth you’re what set you’re ready he’s ready he’s hopeless so get up
here okay he’s hungry oh he’s hungry
okay so helpless this by the way if you actively play the big victim if you know
the solution if you know the solution if you say nothing ever goes my way if
you’ve got all the excuses in the book this is this trap these are all actions
by the way Hey he’s hungry okay good I’m great actually this is
pretty awesome right now awesome yes five four three two one I just finished
listening to book awesome you’re the one yes
um two weeks so what is it that you want to change what are you working on what’s
the next chapter Sterns today the nice chapter in my life right now is to
create an altitude of vision to help people heal their spirits while building
their body Wow yes so does that mean I don’t mean to be
rude but is that like personal training well no what does it mean okay it’s it’s
it’s a personal experience personal experience yes I lost 55 pounds six
years ago outstanding and now I’m helping others do the same okay so I
want to have a business part of a partnership and I want to take that to a
more deeper level because okay so now let me quantify that me so here’s
another mistake that we all make so I get the vision cuz you can feel as he’s
talking the passion right but I don’t hear any specifics so if you find
yourself in the Dreaming space and you can’t get anything from this level to
the list level is that like from here to here the problem is we’re not talking
specifics so either you’re not talking like I make a hundred grand right now in
my business and I want to get to seven figures or I make seventeen dollars and
I want to get to 1,700 this month so if you’re in that space if people don’t
quite get where you’re talking about or you don’t know what to do next you’re
not specific enough got it so specifically where is your business
now and what does it look like in the next chapter specifically is it a
money bridge is it a what is it it’s it’s a mental branch to me I just feel
like right now I’m at the beginning stage it’s funny that I’m here right now
cuz yesterday I was with my lady was at the house and I created a plan already
great I wrote everything down on a piece of paper that then I put it to the side
I thought I watching Netflix oh of course
watch the Netflix I pick the plan your business is on that way okay but see
again that is driven by the habit of self-doubt right you get confronted by
the plan so we choose to go over here you hide you can now catch yourself five
four three two one here’s the thing what does it look like
if the business is launched is there a location no okay
how many clients do you need to have paying you before this will be launched
how many clients paying you at least six a week six clients a week paying you
what $50 an hour $50 an hour by when are we doing that
October 2nd October 2nd I would have given you a dollar if you said October 6
cuz that’s my birthday but there we go okay so just over six there we go you
got a dollar I’ll set it okay so six clients a week paying $50 yes an hour
yes by October 6 yes do you hear the difference you guys
we have just defined what it means for him to relate to this as the business is
launched it is now out of up here and now that we have defined the dream it’s
become a plan not a dream amen got it yes ma’am okay good
go do it awesome thank you you’re welcome again god bless you

Comments (100)

  1. It’s not bravery to quit your job and leave your family with no health insurance. That’s just stupid and irresponsible

  2. Write 54321 on the mirror, plug your cell phone in by the mirror and use as your alarm. See it first thing and 54321 all day

  3. I dont know why but Her voice calms me. And motivates me

  4. Make a focus and Take some action.

  5. I struggled for so many years in music and then after about 10 years I got my first record deal and then right before we were going to make the album the label folded. That was giant records then i took the opportunity to move to New York and within a couple years I wound up getting my second record deal to an indie label. Put out the album The Januaries and we were succeeding quickly and then the guitar player decided if I wasn’t sleeping with him he was going to break up the band. As I tried to get other projects started I kept running into the same problem producers telling me if I wasn’t sleeping with them they wouldn’t finish the tracks. So I decided to hide and I had my son and I was happy the past 12 years and now I am finding out I need to start the next chapter and I’m scared because I’m tired, I’m a single mom and I need to get back in the game. I’m writing a screenplay and in a new band but I have that voice in my head telling me I’m too old and telling me I’m going to have to go back out there and be told no a million times all over again, even though I’m a talented motherfucker . So I just want to thank you because your words are like a life-raft that I’m Sailing through the storm on. I trally appreciate what you do for people! You’re a hero

  6. Very impressed and useful! Thanks

  7. Awesome and nailing the problem and the solution to the core! It helps when someone lets you see and realize the whole picture…what really holds a person back..and make him know there is something you can do about it…just OWN the decision, ACT on it immediately, no matter how small the step.. just START. QUANTIFY..BE SPECIFIC of what you want and do baby steps moving forward everyday (Progress Principle). I like how Ms Robbins framed the question… What is your next chapter? ( What is your vision or life goal/purpose? / What change do you want to see in your life?)
    Self Confidence is the willingness to try, face the fear by moving one step forward each day towards your dream. Reaching your goal = 5SR ( beat your mind with 5Second Rule/5SR) + Action ( start, no matter how small the task, or short a period) . Thank you for sharing this empowering topic. 🙂 – AHA, 6/29/18

  8. Wow….this actually works…don't know how long but NOT thinking that far anymore

  9. Anxiety makes it easy to leave my body behind and stay caught up in feeling bad. She does a good job of reminding us to stay with our body and be in touch with what’s going on when those five gremlins take over. I feel her advice is empowering because she isn’t talking strictly feelings or a plan of action. It’s both!!

  10. My son expressed to me one day about his 5 second rule. Now, I get it….wonderful and life changing

  11. Loved this! Thank you!!!! ❤️

  12. Who is the guy that wants to help people get into shape and how many hours does he think each client would need to lose 50 lbs? I would like to lose 50lbs and gain more mussel in its place but my obsticle is no matter how skinny I am I can't seem to get toned in the abdomen. I guess my goal is to get toned in the abdomen. Maybe his business can help me…

  13. Pure awesomeness! Thanks so much for doing what you do. ❤

  14. I felt like shit… love the realism.. that’s me

  15. God she irritates me… She tells me exactly what I don't want to hear, and then I can't get it out if my head.

  16. I’m too pathetic. Only works when I want to do the thing lol

  17. If u sped her up to 2x she sounds like emilia fart

  18. Hii mam plz a bideo in which people who r suffering fear of dying panic attack,tnsion plZz

  19. its all such common sense ! i can apply everything she says to my life and its easy !

  20. Without this egotistical sluts monologue I might have gave woman more respect than they deserve.

  21. I needed to hear this. I just went through a divorce, relocated to another state and I recently got into a car accident where a driver ran a red light and totaled my car. I can’t afford to get a new car and I feel hopeless. I think about my situation a lot and it gets me down. This video is showing me how to not live in those thoughts

  22. I prefer not seeing anyone. I find the visual can be somewhat distracting. Initially all I am seeking are words!

  23. I can do ALL through Christ who strengthens me

  24. thank you soooo much for the 5 second rule … ….finally something that ressignated with me I am going to change my life
    I am going to brake the hesitation / self doubt rule number 9
    i have been so fearful to prospect that I need to do everyday / real estate agent / I need to meet more people the more people i know the better my business will be!

  25. Thank you, thank you, Mel. – A so-called friend said, "Here let me pay for lunch I make more money than you! " Hmmm, wake up call- she was right. I went home and the doubt closed in as Mel said, so I went and tried a few different things. They didn't work because it was "work". Then I started listening to Mel and I realized I had no confidence or regular self-control . What I wanted was a successful art career, which is my passion and gives me joy. Since I have embraced that fact, and studied other successful artists, I realized I can do this. And when my belief system changed, my new chapter started. Everything is changing quickly….it is my sign, everything is falling together. However, I must work on my confidence skills daily. I must count to 5 daily and work on my self-control. I need to work on my ADD and focus on what I want. I am listening to Mel every day to build a new habit of confidence and get rid of the doubt.

  26. For me I do the opposite of sorts. I give myself 5 seconds to talk myself out of doing something stupid and it works. I tried it for the 1st time yesterday and it really worked. I've been struggling with discipline and I'm regaining my ability to control impulsive harmful actions. Who knew 5 seconds could be so powerful in determining success or failure.

  27. Happy early birthday!!?

  28. I just used the rule☺️

  29. Why am I just seeing stars in this video? Not seeing the speaker?

  30. Just say Bismillah

  31. Mel you are amazing!! The way you speak makes me love you really ??, we need your speech!!!

  32. Her voice sounds like Ellen

  33. I need an absolute miracle
    to be completely healed
    from suicidal depression.

  34. "If you have a problem that can be solved with action, you don't have a problem"
    – Mel Robbins

  35. Mel, you are so real. I love your direct approach to live. You are bad women!

  36. Thank you Mel, btw, Tedx is now on 16M views.

  37. Listening to you has helped me tremendously……I have being going through anxiety and my blood pressure goes up..thanks for your information,,,

  38. WE HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY ? why did that make me so happy? lol

  39. Confidence is a skill and not a trait!

  40. Very motivational ! I love that you are talking from your experience. You are right about the habits we all have, and the self control we have. Thank you. Great Video!

  41. Wow. Miss Nutritionist. Please open a chain!!!

  42. I feel this in my gut. I think the company the lady left her job for was RevitalU. I'm posting this so one day, maybe I'll find out.
    Future Jackie, if you're reading this… be inspired. Right now you are at the bottom but girlfran – you are going to make it

  43. Take away… being ACCOUNTABLE ..for Your own thoughts and your actions and your being..5 4 3 2 1.

  44. you are absolutely amazing. thank you so much

  45. This lady is phenomenal, I now use the 5 second rule

  46. Needed to hear this

  47. she has put depression into perspective for me and that is into a fear- context, therefore I finally realize that depression=fear makes it possible to adress, don't you agree

  48. Y is the video not there….such a great speech but the impact is not completely created because of the missing video. Will appreciate if I can get the actual video.

  49. Mel fantastic delivery and content. Thx

  50. Thank you Mel you are so raw/honest like no one I have ever encountered listening tooo and I can't thank you enough….I am so full of self doubt….and I appreciate you soooo very very very much

  51. She is totally changing my life!!! Wish I could've watched her and not just listened! She's great to watch.

  52. I love you! So friggin awesome you are

  53. I am in tears! I needed you in my life. Thank youuuuu

  54. Going to try this for 63 days

  55. WHERE are the visuals??

  56. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ……. Just like NASA

  57. Forgiving yourself does have a positive effect on your mindset. I am coming from anxiety semi depression from being bullied. From family to kids in neighborhood to school. When i started to read more on this forgive yourself point of view it helped a lot. My confidence, clarity, and moving forward has helped me make serious strides in my life. You don’t have believe me but try doing it you will see. Be sincere and honesty look at yourself in a mirror be blessed.

  58. 12k of problems isn't motivating jack shit, the smallest amount of fucking money in the grand scheme of things it's fucking ridiculous

  59. Great stuff, enjoyed this very much. Thank you.

  60. It’s weird I’ve been teaching my kids about this 5 seconds rule all of their life without knowing . Wished I had wrote a book about it back then.
    Of course I learned it by following bible principles and common sense ???

  61. This is like the feminine version of jocko willinks message

  62. WOW!!!
    This talk is possibly the most self empowering advice I have ever heard. I feel like a new person compared to 45minutes ago.This woman is amazing !!!

  63. This is going to ruin Big Pharma :))))

  64. What legit points to follow?

    Great job.

  65. I love the direct way she is speaking to everyone. The self confidence starts with ACTION ? and it’s a skill.

    54321 and I GO ???

  66. What talk was this? I want to hear the rest of it.

  67. "I was struggling, coz I was scared"… That's the truth. U see someone angry , know that person is scared

  68. The mind is the one true tool we have to master in order to effect our outcome in life. How to trick the mind, so it does not know what you are up to in order to change.

  69. I like her. She is different, coz what she says is real and you can relate to it… Not just some "be positive, think positive, inhale, exhale" BS thrown at you. She is real! Coz she is telling all of us to ACKNOWLEDGE what you feel, coz it's normal. Coz that's magic, the moment we acknowledge what we feel, it goes away. It does not take a hold on us. How very real she is!!

  70. I love her she is awesome and so real.

  71. For some reason I constantly think that I am a bad person and I get really worried about that and I don’t know why

  72. Thank you for this vid

  73. I can relate to everything ! She is a thinker !!

  74. She’s incredible ☺️

  75. So much was taken in by this. When you sit and listen to someone that you admire and know that you will
    learn something that will change your life it’s overwhelming yet at the same time AMAZING!!! Thank you!!!

  76. I hate that Headspace shit app. Stop showing it in Mel Robbins vids.

  77. This lady has a particuler way of convincing us surely talented cs the rule of 5 sec is amazing many decision u might take it that will change your whole life am.following in for real awesome

  78. I have a problem..
    I also have a right to an opinion
    With no disrespect:

    I have a problem with the following:
    Prior to joining CNN, Robbins worked as a criminal defense attorney, launched and sold a retail and Internet technology company, according to her official Web site and hosted Cox Media Group's The Mel Robbins Show, A&E's Monster In-Laws, and Fox's Someone's Gotta Go.

    Ms. Robbins also attended Darthmouth [& law school]
    That is where my issues stem from.
    If one is deprived of a 'good' education, life doesn't progress into becoming anything.. but a worker. Majority rules.

    Just look around..

    And no amount of 'coaching' or 'oh poor me' from Rich, Successful, Well Educated people is going to change your life.

    You are what you were born into. To change your path, at any age, one must re-educate yourself. Where does one start? With FINANCE. Maybe you didn't notice that this was 'left out' of your poor education. Yep.
    We, as a First World Nation, are taught nothing.. that is, we are not taught to compete in a modern, rapidly changing global environment.

    This is the 2nd 'strike' out of 3.
    The 3rd strike is maintaining a Automatron type existence based on Consumerism & Tech. Which kills motivation, wipes out determination, and generally lulls the masses into limited thinking.

    Just look around..

    Look. I'm not selling anything. But as an aspiring author/health researcher, I learned that Americans are in trouble. That 'trouble' is a shitty education by people who not only disrespect us, but they disrespect America.

    Fight back with Education.

  79. Thanks Mel. It's awesome you're helping so many people.

  80. Mel, love your honesty and ways to connecting right to the core of within… my chapter is well in motion, right smack in uncomfortable space that feels great

  81. This is awesome. Just going thru with doubting myself, my capabilities. I know that I can but I'm afraid. Thank you so much!

  82. Mel thank yoooou ?

  83. "I am going to move so fast that I cannot talk myself out of getting up" This is the exact thought I have when I see my alarm clock go off at 2:40 in the morning to go to the gym. Sometimes, it just hits you like a rocket!

  84. She's so motivational
    Just wow
    Is she taken? "asking for a friend"

  85. I tell my kids "You can't control your feelings, but you can control your actions." When she said that I realized, I don't fully use that to its full potential.

  86. She has called this 5-second rule “stupid” so many times in this and in so many other videos that I am beginning to believe it really is a stupid rule.

  87. You really have a gift ! Thanks for the uplifting talk

  88. Mel Robbins is the absolute best speaker ive listened to on you tube. So motivational. I self teach so much on everything…mel makes these things seem easy. I've begun researching on anxiety which I suffer from every day due to lack of confidence. My new chapter begins now.

  89. What a great message! This really helped me motivate myself to live full out!

  90. I feel responsible for every bad thing that happens, I feel like a loser with no friends. I fail at everything because I don't attempt. nothing, not even a motivational speech will get me going.

  91. I can stay up all night listening to this beautiful woman speak. ??up

  92. Good one. We all want to be successful. But one thing holding us back is our confidence— we doubt ourselves, we think we are not ready yet to take on challenges. If you limit yourself, it's hard to go further. Change your mindset.

  93. I want to thankyou for your wisdom! It helps me a lot!

  94. I love listening to multiple speakers on how to fix your life etc but nobody speaks to me on the level that she does. I can relate to soooo much with her and her background. I’m committing starting now to 2 months of 5 second rule to get my life going back on track

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