Rise of the Dead Teens (Ep. 3) | Fantasy High

Rise of the Dead Teens (Ep. 3) | Fantasy High

(intense music) – You fucking brained this old lady– – With her own ladle! – [Brennan] With her own ladle! – I am sorry! – Don’t trust the faculty. (death rattle) You rip Riz out of there– – [Ally] Hell yeah! – And a slimy piece of parchment falls out of his hand, covered in strange runes. – I’m gonna try to shoot
it out of her hand. (explosive noises) – Nat one! Gorgug’s dead! – Oh no! – Oh my God! – Did I die? – Full dead, yeah. – Yeah, full dead. Okay. – A life for a life, eh, Mr Gibbons? Principle Aguefort takes out a gun and shoots Mr Gibbons in the head. (laughing) Bam! And shoots himself in the head. Gorgug and Kristen, you come back to life. – What the fuck! (rewinding tape) (ambient electronic music) (owl screeches) (intense march music) – Last we left off our
intrepid adventurers, were in a real spot. But you know what? We’re gonna take a little dip away from Elmville for a second. (mysterious choral music) Through the mists. Kristen, you approach yellow gates of corn and wheat and waving grasses. An endless expanse of heavenly
heights unfolds before you. Angels in polo shirts
and nice quaffed hair, wave merrily at you as they fly by and the celestial choirs
sing with heavenly joy. You approach the gates, having
passed from this mortal world and you hear a warm voice beside you. (sighs) “Oh, my sweet girl. “To behold the heavenly heights.” And a warm hand rests on your shoulder, and you see Arthur Aguefort
standing next to you. He smiles. He looks at you in his little purple coat, and he says, “Well, it
seems that you had lived “a very holy life and arrived
at your final resting place. “But, I am afraid your work is not done. “I’m going to crawl into your backpack, “and if you can just go ahead
and walk through the gates, “they’re going to
straighten all this out.” – What? You’re going to– – He unzips your backpack (chuckles), and just starts to crawl in. – Hey! – It’s all good. Just walk in– – What? It’s all good? – It’s all good! You see his face peering
out from the backpack as he zips it closed. It’s all good. Just walk in there and we’re good. – How big is he? Is he like– – He’s a full human sized man. – Is he tiny like Voldemort? Okay. – No, he’s a full human sized dude. He just gets in there. – Okay. And you just want me to
walk through the gates? – Just walk in there and then everything will sort itself out. Just go ahead and go in there. As you walk through the gates, you see that the figure of Helio himself, a bag of corn kernels at his
side, long, flowing beard. He looks at you. Wow! Kristen, it’s so good to see you. – Whoa! – I’ve known you your whole life, but now you get to see me face to face. This is great! – Whoa! – You see he gives you the big hug. It’s the warmest hug you’ve ever felt. (sighs) As he’s hugging you, you feel
your backpack jiggling around. You see he’s clearly got
his eyes closed in the hug. You feel Arthur slip out of the backpack now that he is past the
threshold of heaven. (chuckles) (shushing) Don’t tell anybody! And winks and sprints into
heaven as fast as he can. (laughter) – He was so fast! – (laughing) You see Helio. He looks up and says, “What?” – Hm? – [Brennan] What are you talking about? – Oh, I was, mentally saying goodbye to
a friend I was remembering. – Here’s the thing, Kristen. We checked. It’s not your time. You have more work to do. – Oh my God! – I know you’re gonna do a great job, and I care about you. And what’s more, I know that
you care about your new friends and I think that’s cool as hell. – [Ally] Thanks. – Hey. – [Ally] Hm? – Go knock em out down there. – (laughing) I will. Hey, can I ask you something? – Yeah! – Why is, why is there so much
suffering in the world? – Later (laughter)! And you hear him. (air hissing) (laughter) Disappear! You are vanished, and (gasping) snap into your blood covered body
on the floor of the cafeteria. – It’s so weird that you lied to Helio. You lied to your God. – I don’t, I finessed the truth (laughter). Plus, I don’t know if Helio is as smart. I need another God, maybe (laughter). – Now we’re going to go to
another place real quick. (mysterious music) Gorgug, you snap into not wakefulness, but some strange, pale consciousness. You behold a dim forest
stretching out around you. – Oh no (laughs)! – The leaves fall with
a shriek and a whimper, and the blood runs from the
bog of this strange forest. – I try to catch a leaf. – It slices your hand! – Ow! (laughter) – You look through your hand
to see the ground beneath it. – What? (whimpers) – You hear a voice next
to you as the leaves part and the spectral figure
of Mr Gibbons stands up. Oh, wow! There’s some really
powerful feelings here. – What happened? – Well, I don’t– – Why are you here? – I, last thing I saw, my boss murdered me. (laughing) And there’s a lot of
powerful feelings there. His eyes start to glow a little red. Yeah. Yeah, I think it’s gonna take me a while to process these feelings. Yeah. Yeah, I think I have
some unfinished business. – What? – Yeah, yeah! – [Zac] You’re looking awful! – I think we need to have
a little talk, Gorgug! – I start running. – You snap awake in your
body on the cafeteria floor. (sobbing) – Oh my God, he’s gonna haunt you forever! (laughs) – You are looking at a Fabian
that is completely covered in boiling, steaming corn. Riz, who is likewise covered in, not as steaming corn,
but corn nonetheless, and some like partially
formed corn gremlins, and he’s got a smoking arquebus. Fig, you come up from the floor, covered in tuna surprise,
blood coming out of your nose, the sound of your father’s
distant motorcycle far away. – Daddy! (engines rev) – And you see that Adaine
is the only one covered in someone else’s blood, the
sleeves of her coat shorn off, holding a bent ladle with a chunk of tooth and gore hanging off of her jaw line. And you guys are in the cafeteria. So, what do you do? – Wait, what? – Okay. – What is going on? Where is Doreen? She’ll save us all! Is she safe? – I died! (stutters) – Yeah, let’s get Doreen. (stutters) – I mean, she was hurt pretty bad, right? – It was a murder-suicide situation. – I died! – [Brian] Doreen is dead. – What? – [Brian] You died. – Where’s Doreen? – You died and you also died. – I know. I met God. – They came in and they had a sort of a rising phoenix
situation with some sort of egg that came open, and yeah. The big guy shot little guy. Shot himself dead, brought you guys back. – That’s so cool! I’m so pissed I missed it. (laughter) – [Zac] Mr Gibbons? – Caleb, that’s awesome! – I killed Doreen, but I didn’t mean to! She was attacking me,
and then she came back to herself right at the
end and gave a really, really intense speech
about how it’s my fault and I’m gonna be haunted by
it for the rest of my life! – Oh, I did hear some of that. – And she said something
about how the faculty was in on this somehow. – [Siobhan] Yes! – So, we got to talk to the cops before another teacher sees, because
if another teacher sees this, they might be in on this. – And that might put this on. We need to hide, I think,
and get cleaned up. – You guys– – Whoa, I don’t know if we should hide. – You guys, this is exactly what teenagers have suspected all along! Adults are the bad ones. – Yeah, we can’t go to the cops! What if the cops are in on it as well? – Yeah! – The cops are not in on it. My mom’s a cop, and she’s cool. – Your mom’s a cop? – Yeah, how old is she? Is she 19 or under? – No! – Then I don’t trust her! – Okay. Can, I kind of look around and see how, is there any sign that the
phoenix thing happened? Like, is the egg still there? Is anything there? – Everything that would
have helped to explain your situation has largely
disappeared or vanished. – Where’s Doreen’s body? – Yeah, Doreen’s body is there. – The dead bodies are there. So, here’s what’s there. Doreen’s body is there. A lot of corn, creamed corn, everywhere. There’s some smashed barrels, both are, some in the pantry, some
back in the kitchen. There’s a lot of corncobs
that are freakishly large, but no longer animated. And also, Arthur Aguefort’s gun is there. There is no phoenix egg. – Can I pick up the gun? – No! Don’t touch the gun! – Nobody touch anything, all right? – Don’t touch anything! – Are the bodies of Aguefort and– – I’m just saying, it’s so
rock and roll to have a gun. – Don’t touch the gun! I have a gun. I’ll let you hold my gun later. Please don’t touch this– – I saw Mr Gibbons. – I saw, I think I smuggled Mr
Aguefort into heaven. – Oh my God. – My fingerprints are all
over this murder weapon! – Obviously, I’m pro-coyote,
so I was happy to smuggle, yeah, I met God and it
was really disappointing. – I went, I think I went to hell and, or just whatever we call that. – Mr Gibbons went to hell? – Yeah, and he became, he was sort of turning into, like, I cut, well it’s fine
now, but I cut my hand and I could see, Mr Gibbons was like a, he said he had unfinished business and then he became like a demon! – Wait, demons are a cool thing! Right? – Wait, everyone, what do we have? I am not going to stand here over these two men’s dead bodies. All right? I’m going to get that
dragon man, all right? He, (stutters) he seems fine. – Well, what if he’s– – What if he’s in on it? – Yeah, what if he’s in on it? – We can’t trust any adults! – The only one we could trust was Doreen. – My parents are gonna kill me! – Speaking of which, I need
to remember Doreen the way that I know she would
want to be remembered. So, I take her hairnet
and I make some sick, what do you call those fucking tights? – Nobody fucking cares, all right? – I make some sick fishnet tights. Doreen, I’ll never forget you. – For like, one leg? – You gotta not touch the body! – It’s not a bit of fun. – She burned your face! – Go ahead and give me a, we’ll call this a crafts,
like an intelligence check. – Oh, okay, okay! – Are we all just standing
there watching her sew? – That’s gonna be a 17! – It looks fucking dope (laughter). – They look really good. You did a great job. – Honestly, agree. They look fantastic, but that
is not important right now! – Wait, is there anything left of that little rune paper that I shot? (puffs air) Fucking fuck. – Okay. If not, if we don’t go
to his mom, where do we– – [Emily] I know one adult. – What about– – To see what I would
think if I was like a cop? Like, just survey the scene? – Go ahead and make an investigate check. – Cool. (ominous music) (buzzes lips) 12. – You look around the space. You see that there is the big corn ooze. What you think of, what about this, as basics for a cop, is Arthur Aguefort’s wound
looks self administered. Right? – Mm-hm. – And the, wound of Mr Gibbons will be traceable to Arthur Aguefort’s gun. Something confusing happened here, but it doesn’t look like six
kids did this whole thing. – Great. – You also discover what
you think is like the source of where the corn ooze came from. There is one, barrel. Not in the pantry, where
it was headed towards, but in the back of the kitchen, there is one barrel that it
looked like it crawled out of. – Oh, can I go investigate
what’s in there? – Yeah. If you want to go and
investigate, absolutely. – I want to go and I’m
gonna use Thaumaturgy to like open it, so I’m like, I don’t have to be near it. – It’s actually already open. The barrel was, it looked like the barrel
that Doreen was serving out of earlier. – Oh, can we– – Can I cast detect magic on that barrel? – [Brennan] Yeah, go for it. – I cast detect magic on the barrel. (whooshing sound effect) – (hisses air) Adaine’s
eyes glow brilliant blue. You detect a little trace
of a Mage Hand spell, and the Mage Hand spell comes
from a young Elven caster who is you. This was the barrel you
lifted Kristen’s book out of at lunch earlier today. – Fuck! – So, that jerk– – [Siobhan] I’m in so much trouble! This, how is it possible that the only spell that’s been on this is my spell? – I will say, that’s the
first thing you detect. Looking further at it, you
see any wizard is gonna be able to see all kinds of
insane shadow slash infernal demonic magic that occurred here. Right? So, while the physical
evidence of the ooze is gone, clearly some powerful dark
magic has some residue. However, that will fade
over the next hour or two. – So there are, oh, okay. So, we can’t like scoop a little. – So, it might have been
a cursed thing of corn and then that jerk threw my bible into it and that aggravated it. – Or maybe there was
something in your bible that aggravated it. – [Emily] Oh my gosh! – Maybe. – Or maybe the jock threw something in– – Your bible has all
this stuff about corn. – True. (playful music) – I think we should
set your bible on fire. – I– – I think that we need to
get a teacher very quickly. – I don’t think we should get a teacher. – I am with this one. I am going to go get a teacher. – Why would you get a teacher? She said that the faculty– – I’m going to get a teacher, all right? No! All right? – We need someone, no, we need someone who
is cool, not a teacher, not affiliated with this school. – My mom is cool. – I have an in with an adult. I have an in with an adult
that I think I can manipulate. – Who? – Vice Principle Goldenrod. – Fantastic. Let’s go get him. – Let’s just, I really don’t think we’re gonna agree. – Why don’t we just call the cops? – No! – We have an hour! We don’t have the time! – We do only have an hour. All right, I’m with the cop mama here. – Let’s just go home and
talk about it tomorrow. Pretend like nothing happened. – No. – [Emily] No! – We need to be more proactive than that. – This is the worst idea. I’ve heard some bad ones, and I’ll agree, but that is a bad idea. Yes. – Oh man (laughing). – Wait, can we study any
of this stuff ourselves? – I mean, we’ve figured out everything. – Can you guys take a look? – I think that we should
get the vice principal. – Guys, there are– – Guys, I don’t think it’s him. I don’t think he’s the bad guy. – There are girls
disappearing from this school. My mom has been investigating it. – But not very well! You guys haven’t solved a thing
about those disappearances. – Let’s vote. Fine. – Let’s vote. I vote that we go somewhere
else to talk about this so we’re away from the crime scene. – We don’t have time! We have an hour before all of
these spells will disappear! – I switch teams to the
vice principle idea. – Vice principle. – Your mom. (laughter) – [Emily] Vice principle. – No time for yo mama jokes. – I walk out of there to wherever I best believe the vice principle may be. – [Emily] Okay, I’m coming with you. – Fabian strides out of the cafeteria. You walk out, covered head to toe in corn. – Hell yes. – And as you go on, you see, you pass, like sort of a gentle breeze. There are some birds singing. You see that Vice Principle
Goldenhorn is out under a statue of Arthur Aguefort, talking to
a bunch of young adventurers. He sees you. He goes, “Well, well! “That’s marvelous! “A group of young freshmen forming “their own first adventuring party. “(chuckling) I remember my
first adventuring party.” – Mr Goldenhorn, would you kindly follow me to the cafeteria? – Mr Seacaster, you’re covered– – I start walking back to the cafeteria. – All right. One moment. – Hey, Goldenrod. – Why are you not in, you should be in detention. And you! You actually have twice
as many detentions. – We can explain everything
to you once you finish– – Oh, well, there’s certainly
some explaining to do! – All right, fantastic. – He strides along with you, looking very officious and pompous. And he comes into the cafeteria. (melancholy music) He looks into the room. He sees Arthur and sees
Mr Gibbons and Doreen, and he goes. (gags) You see fire crackling
in his mouth, and he, oh, oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. All right. What happened? What happened? Are we in danger? Is whoever did this still loose? – We don’t know what happened, but there was a scream and
then the lunch lady went crazy and there was something in her eyes that was demonic in some way. She was possessed, I think. – It all started with one
barrel of creamed corn, and it’s right here. – There’s runes in the corn barrel and some monster came out of
it and possessed the lunch lady who attacked us along with the monster. – And we both died,
and then Arthur killed. – He was the last phoenix– – The rising phoenix. He had a phoenix egg. – The what? He had a phoenix egg? – He had a phoenix egg, and then he shot– – There’s only one of the, phoenixes famously don’t lay eggs. They die, turn into ash, and that’s like the number
one thing about phoenixes! – I don’t fucking know what
you want us to tell you! All right? We just told you– – I’m, I’m scrambling to figure it out! This is, (stutters). – Well, they were dead. They were killed by the– – [Zac] We died. – We died. – You two students died– – I got Arthur into heaven. – What? – I– – Hey man– – I got Arthur into heaven. – You’re kind of freaking
out, so maybe do you want– – I am not. I’m a disciplinarian. You obviously have been
through something traumatic. We are going to get Mr Gibbons. He is going to– – Mr Gibbons is dead. – Why? What happened? Oh no! – Arthur shot him and then
Arthur shot himself to save us. – Principle Aguefort shot the
guidance counselor in the head? (giggling) – Yeah! – [Siobhan] And then himself! – And then I think Mr
Gibbons became a monster. – You don’t need to tell him about the– – I have to be clear! – Can I pull Riz aside? Riz, I’m sorry. I think I did this wrong. You should go get your mom. – Yes! He’s just gonna be a middle man! – Yeah, this is bad. – Okay, okay. Well, listen. There is a protocol for these things. We are going to call the police. – [Ally] Hooray. – No! – [Brennan] Let us call the police. – Thank you. Yes. – You, all of you, you see that he yells out of the door– – Well, don’t call just any police! – What do you mean don’t call any? I don’t have their individual numbers. – We have his mom’s number! – We could have called my mom. – Oh, don’t be spiteful! – Yeah, please don’t be spiteful! – Please don’t be spiteful right now. – Well, it feels like you
shouldn’t be spiteful. (laughter) – Could everybody stop yelling? – But I still feel like you should– – That’s enough from everyone! This is a tragedy. You see he says, “I need
some faculty in here “for these children!” – No! – No! No, no, no! – So the lunch lady, while she was trying to kill us, as she died,
she said that somebody on the faculty was involved. You see he says, “Involved with? “This is enough. “All of you, you come with me right now! “You, the six of you,
come with me right now! “You come here!” And he strides down the hallway. You see that a couple other
members of the faculty approach. You see that there’s a huge,
rocky looking barbarian. This guy’s– – Can I just try to hide to make sure that the faculty doesn’t try
to clear up the crime scene? – Yeah, go ahead. – I’m gonna try to hide as
I’m walking with the thing. 14. Stealth. – Okay. So, you hide in the cafeteria. – Mm-hm. – You see. He looks at them too, and
you see he says, “Very well.” You see he says, “Porter, Jace, “you will stay in there. “Make sure no students go in.” And the big rock guy
with the war hammer says, “Yeah, it’s all right. “I’ll take it up.” And you see the half elf, sort
of sorcery looking guy says, “Okay. “Is there a problem? “Is something kind of going that doesn’t,” and he looks in and sees the bodies, and goes, “(gasping) Oh my God!” Screams. They rush in. – What was the reaction of the other guy? – [Ally] The rock guy? – Make an insight check. (tense music) – Oh baby, this is gonna be so good. (giggling) That’s gonna be a 20. Not nat, but (chuckling) as
close to it as you can get. – The Earth Genasi, the barbarian, a kind of rocky looking guy, doesn’t look surprised. (exhales) You see they both walk in there. You see Goldenhorn says,
“You with me, right now!” And he walks to a small
classroom that’s empty because the school has been let out. Opens it up, walks in,
closes the door behind him, and he goes, “(sighs)
All right, all right. “Mr Gibbons is dead. (heartfelt music) “Listen. “Are you all right? “You did the right thing by, “well, in the future, feel
free to call the police, “but you did the right thing,
going and finding an adult. “Did you defeat the monster? “Is that why you died? “You died in combat?” – Yes, all of us did. We were all alive the whole time and we all contributed to the battle. – I was killed by a piece
of corn that came to life. – I was eaten by a piece of corn. I was swallowed by a corn monster. – I did lots of moves
and spells and stuff. – You died. You passed out immediately. – Nah, I didn’t– – [Ally] You actually never fully died. – Yeah, I don’t remember this. – You see he says,
“Well, I want you to know “that I’m very sorry
that this has happened. “This is a traumatizing event. “I want you to know that
you are in good company. “I remember the first time I died “and was brought back to life.” – What? – Where did you go? – Where did I go? – [Zac] When you were dead, what did you– – [Emily] What was it like? – I saw a vision of an
endless plain of gold, and I was swimming in
it like it was water. – That is very different
from what I experienced. – And the platinum dragon,
Buhammed, soared overhead and he said, “You’ve
been good, Goldenhorn! “You have as many coins as you want!” And my mom. – All you want is coins? (sobbing) – You went to hell, okay? – You clearly went– – [Brennan] It’s not, gold is a very spiritual
thing for my people. – I’m sorry. – [Brennan] It’s not an empty thing. – I saw a horrible place
and Mr Gibbons was there, and it’s– – Mr Gibbons was in hell? – You don’t need to air his
dirty laundry like that. – I guess he’s– – Going to hell is honestly
the most embarrassing thing, and you’re embarrassing– – Hey, leave him alone! If I went somewhere and there
was a bunch of skeletons, I’d make a party of it. – I just don’t like that kind of stuff. – What did she say? – I don’t know. – Like, if I went
somewhere that was scary. It wouldn’t necessarily be hell. – Mr Goldenhorn, please don’t tell my dad. – I mean, you know for sure
I have to tell your dad. – Well, I. – You spin me a situation where it’s okay that I don’t tell your dad. – She was really heroic. You could tell him that she– – She killed a lunch lady (laughs). – He just won’t get it. He already thinks that the
Adventuring Academy is stupid. – My understanding is you’ll, you see he stops himself and says, (dramatic music) “I understand why you don’t
want me to say anything. “What I will tell your father
is that you very heroically, “ended the life of–” – Oh, God. – “A woman who, “lived a long life.” – That’s, no, don’t tell him that (laughter)! – Yeah, maybe just be like– – I worked with Doreen! I’m processing grief as well! – Oh. Maybe you recognize this. I show him my legs (laughter) – You see he goes, (sobs) “Why?” I’m amazed that it fits to
the contour of your leg. It’s for a head. It’s a completely different shape. – It’s what D would have wanted. – D? – [Emily] I think you know. – You gave her a nickname already? – Yeah. – Posthumous nicknames not withstanding, I want you to know that
this is a traumatizing event and you are in good company. – Here, here. – All who adventure, you can’t drink here! It’s a school! He see he snatches it out
of your hand and goes, “Look. “You are all within your right to ask “to be transferred from this school. “Nobody would fault you for not wanting “to continue your education here.” – This is so weird, because
I originally didn’t want to go to this school, but now
that I know something’s afoot, I’m gonna come here. – I think I wanna stay, too. That was, I don’t know, I’m
starting to have questions about my religion. All the evil stuff was
corn and it happened because my bible went into the thing, and then God was like a frat boy. (laughs) God was wearing those sandals that have the beer bottle opener at
the bottom of the sandal, like you wanna put the bottom of your shoe on top of something you’re gonna drink. – There’s a world where
that’s really chill and cool. – Hm? – That’s better than leaves
that cut open your hands. – Hell. Just call it hell, all right? – I don’t know that it’s hell. – Guys, that sounds so metal! What if it’s metal heaven that he went to? – I just can’t go to Mumple. I mean, I have to stay here because– – I’m not going to Mumple either! I don’t think any of us
want to go to Mumple. – Goldenhorn says,
“Mumple is a fine school.” – No, we are not. You don’t have to be nice
around us, all right? Let’s be real. – Let’s be honest. What we need from you right
now is honesty and directness. – All right, all right. I’m going to go call your parents. We’re gonna cancel your detention early. – Hell yeah. – Nice. – Obviously you. (laughter) – Come on, man. – [Ally] Yeah, at least we
got something out of this. (laughter) – No, I’m traumatized from battle! There was a brief moment in
which I forgot (laughter). Oh, sorry, yes. – No, I’m not even talking about that. (laughter) – Okay. No, I just got to, you think I forgot
everything that happens. Now it’s all rushing back. Christ, I’m so sorry. – So wait, can we never
say “hell yeah” now? – No, I was– – Are we gonna get all hot
and bothered every time– – Guys, I was saying exact, I think the exact opposite. – All right. I’m going to go to the office. I’m going to call your parents. You see he says, “We’re gonna
take care of this, all right?” You see he walks out. – Bye. – He walks out. (giggling) – Oh God. – After a little while,
Coach Daybreak comes in. You see that coach Daybreak looks over and looks at you, especially, Kristen. He goes, “Gosh, kiddo, I’m so sorry. “I’m so sorry, guys.” He’s got a big stack of Owlbear
sweatpants and sweatshirts, and he’s like– – Are we all on the team now? – No. Your shit is covered in blood! – Oh. – Sorry, your stuff is covered– – That’s okay. We’re, I’m on my way out. – I jumped to a really weird conclusion. – He says, “If you wanna hit the showers “and get cleaned up before
your folks get here, “here’s some towels. “Here’s some clothes. “You can go for it, all right?” – Can I sense motive on this guy? – Do an insight check, yeah. – (snorts) Six. – This is a good and decent man. – I could have told you that. I was grown up with him. – I’m gonna do an insight check as well. – [Brennan] Yeah, go for it. (laughter) – [Zac] It’s a nat one. – Nat one? This guy, it’s weird, because you are a half orc. This guy could be your dad. (laughter) (ethereal music) – Dad? (laughter) – That’s exactly what a
nat one gets all of this. This could be your dad (laughter). Insight check about everything! (laughter) – And you see Coach Daybreak, Coach Daybreak looks at
you and goes, “What?” – Are you my dad? – No, ’cause he’s a half
orc and you’re a half orc– – I’m a human. – Oh. – I’m a full human. – Coach, he went to hell today. You know, it’s a whole thing. – You see he says, “God, kiddo. “You gotta go– – I’m gonna go take a shower. – Go take a shower. Go get yourself cleaned up. – We’re all gonna go take showers. – I’m not going to. I’m gonna rub a little
more blood on myself. – I also am not interested
in taking a shower. (laughter) – I’m gonna scrub myself so hot. – I’m gonna definitely take a shower. There is corn in my red hair. – One by one, your guys’ parents
come to pick you guys up. You see that Goldenhorn walks in, and looks at the six of you and says, “Well, your parents are here. “I have told them some of what happened, “but I didn’t want to
go into detail because, “my responsibility is not solely to them, “but also to you. “They know that there was combat. “They know that some of you passed away. “They know that, “well, they know that you
killed who you killed.” – And you told them that
we all had an equal part in the fight, right? – I don’t know that I
thought to mention that. (laughter) Specifically. – You didn’t tell them that I killed her with a ladle, right? Because that’s worse
than not doing anything. – Your mother asked a question
about what spell you used and I think my silence spoke volumes. – [Siobhan] (groaning) That’s worse! – Well, adieu. Everyone have a good night. And you guys wander off. – Bye! – [Brennan] Mm-hm? – Am I, was I with them? – Oh, sorry. You were in the cafeteria the whole time. You’re there with Jace and
Porter in the cafeteria. (chuckling) Actually, hold on a second. You see at the moment
that Goldenhorn says– – [Emily] Porter’s the– – I hope you all have
a good night’s sleep. Where is that goblin? Where is that guy? – Oh, the Ball? – Oh, he’s, yeah, the Ball. – Oh, he’s probably in the shower. – [Ally] Yeah, he just
liked to take a shower. – He takes really long showers. – If a teacher is your dad,
they have to tell you, right? (laughter) – What? – There’s gotta be a rule
about that somewhere. – If a teacher is your dad– – Are you thinking of a cop? If they’re a cop, they have to tell you? – They have to tell, if a teacher, no, I think I heard that. If a teacher is your dad
(chuckling), they have to tell you! – You couldn’t even get
through that (laughter)! – You see he says, “I, “first of all, there’s some
sort of epistemological question “hanging in the air, which is, “they may not know that they are your dad. “Right? “So that’s a possibility.” – Okay, nevermind. – Also, we probably shouldn’t, it’s probably not your dad. The odds seem low. – I think that your dad
is gonna come to visit you in like a vision at some point, ’cause that’s what happened with me. – [Zac] Yeah? – That might be true, but
that’s an irresponsible thing to tell an adopted child. – I think that. – I just gotta knock
myself out (laughter). – No. Don’t listen to Fig. – All right! Everyone go home! All go home (laughter)! We’re gonna come back to in the cafeteria. Riz, you are concealed, from sight. You see– – Looks like a ball. (laughs) – I’m trying not to be a ball,
but I’m a ball (laughter). – You’re trying to be a stick. – You see that Jace walks in, who is the sorcery teacher here. Sorcery, they tell you
in your first day here, you heard Jace teaching some classes. Sorcery is in innate ability
of people to cast magic, so a sorcery teacher is kind of just like, an older adult friend to hang out and talk shop for the most part. But you see he goes like, (exhales) “Arthur dead on the first day. “Mr Gibbons gone. “Doreen. “(scoffs) Wild.” And you see the barbarian says, “Yeah. “Seems things are getting started “a little earlier this year than normal.” You see that Jace casts a
sort of divination spell, starts looking around. You see he goes, “My God!” He’s like, “Some kind of
conjuration happened here. “Looks like divine in nature. “Yeah, some demonic
entity, maybe fallen angels “from the Helionic faith,
something like that.” You see he goes, “That’s bizarre.” He’s like, “What happened to the ward? “You shouldn’t be able to summon creatures “on school grounds.” And you see that Porter
looks over and says, “Well, “wards are like walls, you know? “If you’re strong enough, you
can break ’em, I suppose.” You see Jace says, “Everything you say “sounds fucking creepy, man. “I gotta be straight with you about that. “I don’t know why you talk that way. “I’m trying to make a
bridge between you and me. “We’re coworkers. “I’d like to get along, you know? “You’re not required to be my friend, “but, like, a little cordiality, man. “Like, spoonful of sugar. “Help me out, man. “I’m here trying to
make something happen.” (giggling) You see that Porter says, “I’m
gonna go check on those kids. “It doesn’t seem right
that they’re all alone.” You see that Jace says, “Well, hey man. “They’re not alone. “They have each other.” And they kind of do have each other, because they’ve missed the window to form an adventuring
party, so they’re kind of de facto one, unless they leave school. There’s a couple options open. All right, well, I’m
gonna go log this stuff in the sort of arcane register. You have a good one, man. And you see that Jace leaves
and Porter just sort of guards the door for the rest of
the time that you’re there. – Cool. I just wait (chuckles), I guess. – About 15 minutes after
that, cops show up. – Okay. – [Brennan] And your mom is there. – Okay. – Yeah. They come in. They start to sort of put the tape up. You see that there’s an old looking gnome who’s, like, got a bit of
a paunch and a trench coat, and you see that he’s got
these sort of glowing blue eyes from like a permanent detect
magic situation going. He pulls the stub of a
cigar out of his mouth and he’s like, “Looky,
looky what we’ve got here. “Little old murder-suicide, huh? “Yeah, tell you what, man. “I ain’t seen a phoenix
egg since way back in 1112. “You know what I’m talking about? “All right. “Look at this poor son of a bitch.” (giggling) You see that your mom
walks up next to him. She says, “Dusty, what are we looking “at here in terms of arcane?” He’s like, “Arcane (scoffing)? “I’ll tell you this, Glenda. “He wishes it was arcane. “This is pure divine magic. “Thing got summoned up, some kind of dark, “I don’t know, antithesis, right?” He says, “You ever hear that theory “about the higher planes
and the lower planes? “You know, you got angels,
you got fiends, right? “But they say the most powerful
fiends used to be angels. “You know what I’m talking about? “So you got someone
like Asmodeus who’s the, “you know, the boss of the Nine Hells, “all the way to the bottom. “They got like a reverse hierarchy there. “He used to be up in
the celestial heights, “running around, doing good,
that kind of stuff like that.” (giggling) What are you gonna do? – I will, I’m gonna wait for a
moment when, like, the, maybe the other guy is
turned around or something to kind of let my mom
know I’m there (chuckles). – Cool. Make a sleight of hand check
to get your mom’s attention. – Sure. Pretty good, 21. – Awesome! You see that your mom, her
eyes go over to you hiding and you see that she’s sort of writing things in a notebook. She looks over at you and goes, “No. “No. “No. “Come on, no. “Riz!” – I wanted to call you! – Why didn’t you? – I made friends! – You made friends? Oh sweetheart, that’s great! – They didn’t trust cops! – Why are you in the murder scene? – I was here. – You were here, present? – I was one of the kids, yeah! – God! Go! Sneak out the window. Meet me in the parking lot. – Okay. Sneak out. – Cool. Give me a stealth check. – Oh, hell yeah, dude! 27! – Oh yeah! – [Emily] Woo! – So slick, dude! Out of there, dude! (drumming) You guys get picked up by your parents. – Quickly, can we like exchange numbers in the parking lot or something so we can start like a text chain? – A group text? – Let’s just talk tomorrow (laughter). – That sounds good to me, again. – Okay, yeah, that’s fine. – Are you guys online? – I gotta go. – I’m also going to leave. I’m sorry. – Hey, real quick, before we go, like, I just want to tell you guys, like, I know that I don’t really
wear my heart on my sleeve, so you guys might not tell this, but like, I trust you guys. I think you’re cool. Like, you’re cool with me. – Yeah, that’s what I’m saying too! Like, we just went through a lot together. Are you at least online? You guys can find me by my name and then we can all just, like, chat. – Yeah. Yeah. – You all have my business card. – I am, but my parents monitor everything and I feel like I’m– – Let’s just meet here tomorrow. Why don’t we meet in the
parking lot tomorrow morning? – We’ll meet tomorrow morning. – Okay, but I do, once a week, I, it’s not a bible study. – Okay (laughter)! – No! No! – You guys all head out– – There’s snacks! – You see, Gorgug, you get into, you squeeze into the back of
a tiny little gnomish car, (chuckling) and you see that your mom and dad have both clearly
been crying so hard, and you see they look
back there and they go, “Hey bud, how was your
first day at school?” – It was bad (giggling). – Oh, buddy! And they both clamber back
and give you a big hug. – I died (laughter)! (groans) – Oh bud, we’re so sorry! We’re so sorry! – Have you ever died? – (sighing) You know, it’s not that I’ve died,
but you’re not alone. So, I don’t wanna ever
say that I haven’t gone through something you’ve gone through. – [Ally] (giggling) What? – I just roll down the window and just put my whole head out (laughter). – You see that slowly your
parents are just like, both of your parents just stare ahead with this look of like, we
can’t understand our son! And just drive off together. (wails) Kristen, your parents pull
up in the station wagon. You see your three little
brothers are all in the back. You see that your dad
looks at you and goes, “(scoffing) Wow! “What happened, kiddo? “Are you okay?” – Yeah, I think I’m okay. – Mom and dad give you a big hug. – Yeah. It was, really scary. I think, I went to heaven and I met Helio. – (gasping) Oh, we gotta
tell Pastor Amelia! – Yeah. – [Brennan] We gotta tell her you met– – I have actually a lot of
questions after meeting Helio. Do you think we could stop at
the bookstore on the way home? – The book? Wait, do you mean the church? – Yeah. Well, no, the church bookstore. I need to get some books that
explain other religions also. (giggling) – Get in the back of the– – Okay, okay, okay (giggling)! – Get in the back of the car! You guys take off. (engine growls) Fig, (laughter) you see
that a giant griffon lands in the lawn and your mom
stands up and gets off of it. (sighs) Sweetie, are you okay? – Yeah, I fought valiantly. (giggling) I was part of the fight (puffs). – Baby, I believe you. And she kisses you on the head. – Thanks, mom. – Hop on. Let’s get out of here. – By the way, I know that
dad drove a motorcycle. – She blanches completely
white in the face. – And I just wanna say,
in terms of choosing men, that’s pretty metal (giggling). – She smiles a little sort
of half embarrassed smile. You guys get on the griffon, take off. Riz, you meet your mom
out in the parking lot. You see she looks at you and says, “Sweetie, what the hell is going on?” – Well, the, well, I’m sure you saw the crime scene, but they resurrected two of our friends. We were attacked by some
kind of corn monster, but the lunch lady,
while she was possessed, or rather, after she was possessed, said that one of the faculty was involved. So, I hid under the table to make sure that they didn’t mess
with the crime scene. – One of the faculty was involved? – That’s what the lunch
lady said before she died. – Okay. And the lunch lady, you trust her? She’s someone that is credible? – I don’t see why she would
lie right before she died. – Okay. – I mean, it was worth looking into. I wasn’t just gonna trust that
two random faculty members that I didn’t know yet were
gonna not do something. – She looks at you and says,
“That was extremely reckless “to hide in there, ’cause
even if they were criminals, “then you’d be in there alone
with two adult criminals, “kiddo. “Okay?” – I know. – I’d rather have you
safe than crack the case. You understand? – Okay. – Okay. Get in the car. Let’s get home. Adaine, you see that your
mother and father show up. – I’m standing so stiff. (laughter) – You see that your father pulls up. Your mother gets out
of the passenger seat. Your father does not get out. Your mother walks up to you briskly, kind of has like a hand up
over the side of her face. You see she says, “Your father would “like you to get into the car. “He doesn’t want to step
out and be seen here.” – I don’t have to have step
out for me to get into the car. I’m not an idiot. – He wanted to let you know that he wasn’t going to step out. – Oh, really? Oh, really? How very mature. – I don’t think that this is a proper time for you to be chastising your mother. You are, first of all, sleeveless. (giggling) And second of all, I understand
that you defended yourself through your martial prowess. – I say nothing to them
for the rest of the night. (giggling) – You get into the car with them. As you’re driving along, you see that your father doesn’t say anything. Your mother doesn’t say
anything until you’re right about to get home, and your father says, (inhales sharply) “I never thought I would have a daughter, “that would receive detention.” And he just gets out of the
car and walks into the house. – And internally, I’m like,
that’s the thing he’s mad about? (laughter) I killed a woman with a ladle and he’s mad that I got detention. My parents suck so much! – I know. I kinda wanna fuck up your parents. – I really do too (laughter). (laughing) – Fabian. You see that, a huge, it’s like a long hot rod (engine revving), it’s like multiple engines. You can hear the elementals
screaming in the engines. (hissing) Pulls up. It’s just like red and gilded. It has like a figurehead of
a woman holding a trident on the front of it. – Oh! – So dope! – That’s awesome. – It rolls up and you see
your father steps out of it. He goes, “Ha! “There’s the boy. “Now, tell me true, lad. “Did you fight with honor?” – It was, I did, papa. I did. Can we get– – Fighting with honor? That’ll be 40 lashes! You fight to win, boy (cackling)! – Papa! Can we go home? – He sweeps you up in a hug and he says, “My boy! “You did violence your
first day at school! “I love ya more than
words can say, my boy.” – Papa, can we please go home? I just want to go home. – You want to go? You don’t want to go downtown? We could go down there. We could tell people about your exploits. – No, papa. I just want to go home. – You see he looks at you and he goes, “Well, all right. “A little confusing. “That’s all right. “Let’s hop in!” He opens the door for you,
gets into the car with you. – Papa, do you remember the first time you watched someone die? – The first time I watched
someone die it was me father. He was lying in his
deathbed, and I had a dagger up under his ribs in his heart (giggling), and I looked in his eyes and I said, “You’ll never speak to me out “of the side of your mouth again.” And then, mama took me
back to first grade. (giggling) – Right. In that case– – Is that relatable to your experience? (stuttering) We’re the same, you and I! – We are, yes we are, papa. (laughter) – (laughing) But don’t you try
to put a dagger in my heart! It’ll be the last thing you ever do! – Of course, papa. – I’ll put you in the ground
before I’ll let you kill me. – I never would. I never would. (stuttering) – I just love ya with all me heart, boy. All me heart. – And I you. – Let’s go get this lad a drink! – Okay. – You guys head off in the car. Wonderful! Full rests. You guys, you know, you guys were already at full hit points but all conditions are removed. You guys are second level now. – Yay! – Yeah, bitch! Hell yeah! – I don’t know if this is
possible in this world, but is there a way for
everyone when they wake up to get an alert of some
kind that I’ve added them to a system called
Prayer Chain (laughter)? – I’m gonna say that that
falls under the auspice of your Thaumaturgy. – Okay, yeah, cool. So they all get a little
vision that appears and it’s like, (buzzing noise), you’ve been added to Prayer
Chain by Kristen Applebees. – [Emily] Oh my God! – And it just says, “Hi guys! “We can communicate on here. “There are three other old women “who are using this
for their real prayers, “but they’re not gonna understand “anything we’re talking
about, so speak freely.” (chirps) – Can I use my Thaumaturgy to make Prayer Chain erupt
in flames (laughter)? – You see that it doesn’t
overwhelm the whole channel, but there is basically just a GIF of that. Gif? Jif? – Yeah. – GIF. – I hate jif. – GIF for graphics, right? – [Siobhan] Yeah (giggling). – You see (imitates flames roaring), some fire appears in the prayer chain. You see an old, there’s a string of Halfling. I don’t know if any of you understand, which basically just seems like– – Oh, I do. – You see that there
is an old woman saying, “What is this? “Have I done something wrong?” (laughter) – Oh God. – The rest of you guys are all
on the Prayer Chain together, and you arrive at school. School begins with an outdoor assembly. You see Principle
Goldenhorn up at a lectern. He’s got a long black coat on. There’s no longer a suit, so
he’s got a black overcoat on. And there’s kind of like a
funereal thing going on here. You see that there are
little flower wreathes for Principle Aguefort, Mr
Gibbons, and lunch lady Doreen. He stands up as people assemble. You see he says, (grave orchestral music) “Students of the Aguefort
Adventuring Academy, “I’m not going to lie. “Yesterday was not a
great day for the school.” – Here, here! (giggling) – Get, get the drink! Get the drink! Who’s at the front desk
that’s letting this happen? (giggling) You see that, (laughing) you see that one
of the faculty comes over and says, “Can I take that? “Can I get the glass?” – Yeah, you want some? I pour a little bit. – Okay, I’m going to need
to take that (laughter). – Okay, okay. Fair, I’ve got more. That’s cool. I get it. – You see that Goldenhorn says, (sighs) (grave orchestral music) “Risk is inevitable in the
lives of those that would seek “to do great works upon
the face of the world. “Danger, “combat, “and even death. “These are the things we
risk to make a difference. “And while we’ve never had
three on the first day, “for sure, people have died here before. “It’s an adventuring school. “People die. “It’s frankly insane that we’re open.” (laughter) “I’ll be for real. “It doesn’t fully make sense
that we are accredited. “We are a publicly funded school. “We get money from the government, “and we’ve had, “again, never three
faculty in the same year, “let alone the first day.” – This isn’t a great eulogy. – It’s crazy that we’re back
at school the second day. (laughter) There’s not a day off (laughter). – Yeah, you think there would
be like a day of remembrance. – Yeah. – Also, what is this weird
thing about the government? God! (laughter) – So. – He’s sweating! – He’s sweating a lot. – Did you guys get my Prayer Chain– – Yes, shut up and please stop. It’s very invasive. – Basically, I just wanted to say to you that you are safe here, but, you know, (grave orchestral music) don’t be an idiot. You know, stay on your
toes, because it’s gonna, come up again. – How many people do you
think are gonna die today? – Yeah, I feel like– – Can I try and get the
applause started and end this? (laughter) – Make a, make it just a flat charisma check. – Great. 15. – You lean back with
your cool kid attitude and get a clap going, and
everyone just starts clapping and Goldenhorn looks
relieved to have an out. (applause) – Great. – Yes, that’s for Principle
Aguefort (laughter), lunch lady Doreen, and Mr Gibbons. (grave orchestral music) I’ll never forget Principle Aguefort. The school bears his name. And it will be hard to live up to that. Well, moving on. Some quick announcements. – [Emily] Whoa. – Wow! I mean, talk about a hard transition. – A hard pivot from
eulogy to announcements. – I know, obviously, you see the murmuring of the crowd starts. He says, “Obviously hard. “Obviously this is not taking away “from the grief that we
are all moving through. “If anybody has grief to process, “you can talk to Mr Gib, “no. “You can talk to, I guess, “I guess me! “I guess it’s me you talk to. “Come and talk to me.” – Can I start a Goldenrod
chant (laughter)? – His name is Golden– – Go ahead and make a flat. – His name is Goldenhorn! (giggling) – [Brennan] Make a flat. – Make a what? – A charisma check. Just a flat charisma check. – That’s gonna be a 19 plus six. 25 (giggling). – Goldenrod! Goldenrod! Goldenrod! Goldenrod! – Goldenrod! Goldenrod! Goldenrod! Goldenrod! – Okay! It’s different than my name and I guess that’s funny to children (laughter). – Why did we do that? – It just feels weird. It was kind of funny at the beginning but then it got weird. – Quick announcements! The vote came in. We’re bringing prom king
and queen back this year, so that’s fun! A light note. – Maybe it can be Doreen and Aguefort. Whoa. – Okay, it’s gonna be, okay, students, but again, this is not really a back and forth. This is more of an announcement
situation (laughter). You see he says, “We are looking
for some new kitchen staff “and a guidance counselor,
so if you know any adults– – Is this really, I would think you would post this in a newspaper or something (chuckling). – You’re asking me if
I know any (laughter)? – Can I get that applause started again? (laughter) – It’s effortless. No roll needed. Another applause starts. He says, “Okay! “Okay.” – Goldenrod is falling apart. – You see he says (chuckling), “We will also be introducing a new system “for safety purposes. “Please give a warm
round of applause for one “of our very own seniors and
the head of the A.V. Club, “Mr Biz Glitterdew!” (applause) (screeching mic) You see that a senior, he’s this very chubby little pixie. He’s about like a foot tall. He’s got like a little
tee shirt that has some like eight bit pixel thing
on it and butterfly wings. He’s got like little, sort of thick glasses
and little spike of hair, long sideburns. He has little Chuck Taylor,
kind of Converse-y sneakers. Flies up. (mic screeches) And he goes, “Hey guys! “Wow! “Super excited to be
addressing the school. “A.V. Club spends a lot
of time behind the scenes, “so you can imagine how excited I am “to come up here and shoot the breeze “with the number one
student body in Elmville!” – Woo! – You see he looks at you. He looks at you and says,
“Yeah, this guy gets it!” He makes genuine eye contact with you and immediately is like, I like this guy. You see he goes like, “Yeah, all right!” – Come on, don’t
encourage this (laughter). – You see he goes, “So basically, “we’re gonna be taking
a lot of dream crystals “and we’re gonna be putting
them up over the school. “These are just basically gonna
be recording clairaudience “and clairvoyance information,
so just sound and picture.” – What? – It’s basically just a security system so we’re gonna be able to see
what’s going on at the school so that this kind of stuff
doesn’t happen again. – Boo! (laughter) – Wow Riz, you really turned on him. – Yeah, come on, the Ball. Pick a side. – There’s a drow kid in the very back, like a junior or something,
and he goes like, “Police state! “Fucking police state!” – Panopticon! – You see that he (chuckling), the drow goes like, “That! “Fuck yeah!” – Yeah, dude! – You see that Biz goes, “It’s okay! “I see that we’re having
some negative reactions. “That’s understandable. “Actually, guys, it’s super cool “and if you’re interested
in learning how it works–” – Applause? – (chuckling) Go ahead and
make the charisma check. – Great. 10. – You clap a little bit and
you see that other people turn to look for you, because they’re confused if you like this or not. (giggling) (stuttering) (laughter) – I have a question. – [Brennan] Yeah, a question! – Is it true that these crystals can be magically manipulated? – Oh! Dream crystals are
extremely complicated pieces of arcana tech, but they are, a very, skilled or proficient technician– – So, perhaps a member of the faculty? – Huh? – Whoa. – Why is that– – Why don’t we have this
conversation with him later? – Yeah. – Yeah. – All right. This seems more complicated
than I was ready for and I’m not prepared, so
I’m gonna leave it there. Let’s go Owlbears! Hoot! – Growl! – [Brennan] Hoot! – Growl! – Hoot! – [Players] Growl! – He looks so psyched that
that worked (laughter). – It’s weird that we say growl rather than actually growling. – And (trills), flies out of there. – Growl (giggling). – You see that he dips out
of there and classes begin. What do you guys do
during your first break? – Okay, I would like to go
to find the lost and found, and I’m gonna take some
of like the old clothing in the lost and found,
and I’m gonna throw it over these crystals. (laughing) – Oh, awesome. Go ahead. Are you gonna try to do it stealthily, or just, you are just like, fuck it! – Stealthily. – Oh, go ahead and give
me a stealth check. – Nine. – You throw a jacket
from the lost and found, like a hoodie from the
lost and found on it. Goldenhorn walks right around the corner, looks at you and goes, (giggling) “What’s the deal, Fig? “Huh?” – I don’t know. I should be asking you that. – Goddammit! Look, I’m gonna level with you, all right? You know, I actually
took a class on managing, you know, students that are, you know– – You’re attracted to. (laughter) – All right, bye! Bye! And he just runs down the hallway, and then he turns around
from far away and says, “You stop that! “I am, “you stop it!” And he goes. After a couple of minutes you see that a, woman walks over to you who looks like a member of the faculty. You see that she’s got a
sword coming up over her back. She’s got like a shield on her left arm. Kind of like Seven League boots. She looks like, not in the vibe of this, but she looks like she’s been coming out from like ranging for a long time. She comes over and says, “Fig! “How’s it going, pal?” – What’s your name? – You can call me Miss Jones. – Miss Jones. It’s good, yeah. I’ve got a really
productive thing I’m doing. – Okay, but we can’t allow
that to happen, right? ‘Cause the school has kind
of decided on this, so. – The school has, but
where do you weigh in? – Well, I’m a member of the faculty, so I do what the school does. – I’m not asking what the school thinks or what a member of the faculty thinks. I’m asking what you, Miss Jones, thinks. – I like it and it’s a good idea. (scoffs) – All right. – Cool. Do you have a class to be in? – Probably. – It’s day two. I know you had a wild day yesterday, but do we think maybe there is some chance that you would, like, attend a class? – Actually, what does Porter teach? – He’s a barbarian, so– – The Earth Genasi. – [Brennan] Yeah. He teaches– – Could I audit a barbarian class with him to see if I want to be a barbarian? – Yeah, we don’t wanna tell
you guys how to live your life. If you want to multi-class, that’s fine. You can do that. – Okay. I’m gonna audit one of his classes today. – Cool. You head over to Porter’s class. I imagine Gorgug is there, right? – I’m in that class (chuckles). – Sh! I’m here to spy on Porter. – You just walked in the
middle of the class (laughter)! – I didn’t say it loud. I said it really quietly. – All right, all right,
everyone settle in. We’re talking today about rage, yeah? Now, what does rage mean to you? – I don’t, you weren’t asking specifically
me, but I don’t know. – Well, you’ve elected
to start talking, so– – I know. I heard myself from
outside myself (laughter). I don’t know. That’s, what’s everyone else? (laughter) – Everyone just give him a
minute, just give him a minute. I’m just ready to be, I don’t know. I don’t know what. It confuses me everyday. – Okay. It confuses you, yeah? So, what’s confusion, then, right? What does that feel like? – Like when you, it’s when your brain just doesn’t understand what’s happening. – Yeah, it’s like there’s
a wall there, isn’t it? – Yeah. – Now, what you feel like when there’s
a wall that’s stopping you from getting where you want to go, how does that start to make you feel? – It’s just like, not good. Like, it’s bad. – Okay, not good, but yeah, bad. When you, right, so you come against that and there’s a bad feeling, right? And you can’t get what you want. Right? And there’s something in your way. What do you do? – Well, my mom and dad would
say to sing a song at it. – Let’s see what everyone
else in the class (laughter), what do other people, what do
other people kind of think? Like young lady, what
do you think about rage? – What do I think about rage? – [Brennan] What do you think about it? (sighs) – Well, I kind of think it’s inevitable, ’cause, I mean, like, people really let
you down left and right. – Yeah! – So you’re always gonna feel rage. It’s just a matter of whether or not you use it productively or just whether or not you control it or it controls you. – A small tear forms in
the corner of his eye. That’s exactly right. That is exactly right. That is amazing. – Thank you. – Please don’t! Get out of my way! (laughter) That’s like a song my
mom or my dad would sing. – [Ally] Please don’t? – Fig feels bad for him so she tries to play along with him a little bit. – Please, stop. (groovy music) Get out of my way. – [Ally] Don’t, don’t, don’t. – Is it get out of your way
or don’t get out of my way? – It depends on if how
much they’re in your way. – Even in you’re song you, you don’t want the obstacles
to remove themselves. – Yeah. I’m sorry, I just was trying to, her answer was so right. I wanted to piggyback
off of it (laughter). – All right. Well, you know what? We need to take a break. Here’s a little tip. Generally speaking, barbarians don’t use words like piggyback. – Can I just secretly give
him some bardic inspiration? – Yeah! – [Emily] ‘Cause I feel bad for him. – Go for it. – Okay, you got some bardic inspiration. (bell chimes) – The strum of the bass guitar kind of fills you with a little bit of purpose, and it’s nice having Fig around. At least there’s someone here
who gets you a little bit. (thrumming bass) (giggling) – What’s everybody else doing? – I think I’d like to track
down the A.V. Club guy. – Cool. You go over to the A.V. club. You walk into the A.V. room. There are like crazy copper wires and these like weird
crystal screens glowing. (buzzing) There’s like a weird,
golden gun camera thing. It’s all glowing and
humming with arcane energy. You see that Biz is here in his tee shirt. There’s also a very lanky Aarakocra. It’s like a bird person. It’s got like wings and a long face. And you see that there is what looks just like an anthropomorphic turtle. Just like a turtle person. – [Brian] Okay. – Turtle person is kind
of at a little thing, tinkering at something at a table. And you see the bird guy
is kind of moving wires from one part to another of
this weird brass cooling engine for some kind of crystal technology. – Right. – You see Biz turns around and says, “Hey! (stuttering) “Dude, hold on one second!” He starts looking in a bag for something and he takes out a business
card and hands it to you. – Well (chuckling), boy, do
I have something for you! – What the heck? Give me a break, dude! (laughter) – Oh God! – What’s up, man? – Riz quietly wonders if this
is what he’s like (laughter). So, the, I mean, the A.V. Club seems really cool. Like, who let you, what faculty member was like,
giving you all this stuff? Letting you do this? – What faculty member? – Yeah! Like, you guys got like, who’s the head of the A.V. Club? – Oh, I’m the head of the A.V. Club. We had to file for the club. We had to go to approach
Principle Aguefort and Vice Principle Goldenhorn. And then, Coach Daybreak checks in
on us from time to time, but just because we record
games and stuff like that. – Right. Who’s idea was the camera? The crystals that watch everyone? – Oh, that was like the police and Vice Principle Goldenhorn were talking about that that might be a good idea. – Okay. Interesting. Cool. Very cool! – Do you want to join, dude? (grunting) – Yep, I do! I do. – Dude! – I think this is really good for me. – Dude! Give me that! – What’s up, man? Yep! – [Brennan] Yeah! That’s awesome! – This is awesome. – Cool. Well, orientation. Why don’t you just, we’re kind of working
on some stuff right now, but orientation’s gonna
happen like tomorrow, ’cause we might have some
other students just drop by because we have some interest. People have been. You see that the Aarakocra
turns around and goes like, “It’s been crazy here (giggling). “People have been coming
in left and right. “It’s been nuts.” (laughter) – If I had met you guys
yesterday I’d be so pumped. (laughter) – You see Biz says, “Dude! “Man, where are my manners, dude? “This are my two boys (chuckles). “This is Skrank Douglas,” and
you see the bird person says, “Skrank!” (laughter) – How are you doing? – Skrank! – I carry a briefcase. That’s my thing. Here is a business card. – He takes it. – [Brian] Yep. – And he says, “And this is Shellford. “He’s kind of the bad boy.” You see that Shellford
turns to you and goes. – [Brian] He’s a turtle! – What’s up? – Hey, Shellford. – Yeah, whatever. – Oh man! – You see he’s, don’t worry about him. He’s got a little bit of a, shell! (laughter) Emotionally. – That’s really good! – Yeah, dude! (laughter) Dude, sick, man! Sick! – Do you have, do you guys have one of
those crystals like outside, could you see if like, you know, if somebody was hanging
out outside the school or anything like that? – Sure! We have some front
facing cameras, for sure. – Can I see? – You see he says, he looks around and he starts
dipping through some screens, kind of adjusting them with sort of like a cantrip or something like that. You see the different images come up of like around the school. Basically, it’s just like
a security cam, you know? Just CCTV kind of thing. – I’m looking to see if Johnny Spells is there creeping on anybody. – Go ahead and make a
perception check for me. – Okay. Hm, 14. – You see that, out by the parking lot,
even though it’s like sort of entering between periods right now, out by the parking lot where you
saw Johnny Spells yesterday, you see Penelope Everpetal by herself, standing sort of under a tree
and checking a little watch. Make an insight check for me. (clucks) – 10. – She looks worried, generally worried. She’s checking a watch, looking
around, rubbing her legs. Looks like something’s wrong. Okay. Well, it was great meeting you guys and I’ll be back for all
the meetings and such. – Oh, awesome, dude! Dude, do you like any games? Do you do, like, gaming at
all or anything like that? – A little bit. I do mystery games and such. – Oh, awesome! Very cool, dude. Mystery games, yeah, man! You kind of have like a Sherlock vibe. Dude, that could be, like, your nickname! – I need to go right now (laughter), but this is really fun, you guys. – All right, man! You do it, man! – I’ll see ya, buddy. I bolt out. – Awesome! Awesome! – And I’d like to try to
find one of these guys or see if anybody’s out here. – I’m gonna say that you guys actually, there’s a free period and
you guys all find each other. – Okay. I just need to real quick make sure that you guys know that I think
something’s up with Porter. He wasn’t surprised when
he saw the crime scene. – I stayed in the cafeteria yesterday and he didn’t do anything
while they were there. – But he wasn’t surprised. – But, more pressing, there’s
a dude named Johnny Spells and he’s rad as hell,
and he rides a motorcycle and he’s a Tiefling, and he’s got– – Sorry, what? – (chuckling) He rides, he’s rad, he rides a motorcycle,
he’s got these magic powers and he drives around on his motorcycle– – So he looked, like, virile? – Yeah, he definitely fucks. – What? – He definitely fucks. He rules. He rules, but I think he’s, I think he’s like a guy! Okay, look. – Sounds terrible. He hangs around– – Look, okay? There is, one of the popular girls
is out there waiting in a parking lot, and I
think something might happen to her if somebody doesn’t get there soon. – Should we all go to the parking lot? – Well, I’m going to go to the library and I’m gonna find out about the faculty, because I don’t trust these people. – I’m telling you, Porter! – I’m gonna go to the library too, ’cause I’m gonna get some books– – I’ll roll with the Ball. – I’ll come out to the
parking lot with you. – [Brian] All right. – I kind of (sighs), I don’t want to go to the library but I don’t want to do the other thing, so I might just sit here (laughter). – Where is Penelope? Where is Penelope? – [Brian] She’s in the parking lot. – Just feels like– – Is she like sitting
on a bench or anything? – She’s standing there
waiting for something, so– – All right, I’ll go outside (chuckling). – How do you want to
handle this, the Ball? (laughter) – I’ve got an idea. I’ll go. Well, do we want to kind of try and– – We want to see what’s going on. If you want to pretend to
be her friend or something and just see what’s going on with her– – I got, I can do you one better. Well– – What’s that, what’s that? – Are you gonna become Johnny Spells? – No, I wasn’t gonna do that. I was gonna pretend to be
blind and stand next to her. – Whoa. – Oh, brother. Oh, brother. – You’re a cool girl, she’s a cool girl. Just go talk to her like a person! – I don’t know if I can
go back into that life. – From yesterday (chuckling)? – No, I’m saying, like, that life of, she’s a different type of– – Okay, she might be kidnapped right now, so I’m gonna go. – Okay, I’m coming,
I’m coming, I’m coming. I’m coming. – Cool. Who is going out to the parking lot? One, two, three. And then we have, oh, and four are going to the parking lot. You two go to the library. Adaine and Kristen, you guys
head to the library together. You arrive at the library. You open the doors and once again you see the restricted
section over in the one corner and then big towering columns of books. Ancient grimoires of magic,
tomes of forgotten lore, (haunting music) and you see there’s a
small librarian woman who is walking around and stacking books. – Excuse me, are there any books on, maybe the history of the school and also current faculty members? – The history of the school
and current faculty members? – Files, or, anything that we might be able to read? We’re just new to the school
and we want to find out about– – Mm-hm. – We love this school so much. – Yeah. The more you know. – You see she says, “And any
other books while we’re at it?” – Yeah, there was a big, deathly tsunami on the island of Fallenoe. – Oh no! – And I just want to
read about the history of that, and I’m just kind of obsessed with why bad things happen to good people, because I never really, I got to meet God and he just refused to answer that question. So, I’m just gonna do a
little reading on my own. – All right. Okay. – Aguefort was in my backpack
but I was cool about it. – Oh, and if you have anything on the, are there any news
reports on what happened to the Elven oracle who’s ship collided– – Newspaper and periodicals? – Yes. – This is a school library,
but if you want to have– – You don’t have a newspaper
at the school library? – Well, we have a school newspaper but we wouldn’t have any
information about shipwrecks. You’re welcome to, I can write a pass for
you to go to City Hall and requisition a microfiche. – Maybe later. – Maybe later. – [Siobhan] Just the other books for now. – She goes off to look for some books. You see that the librarian
has a couple books. She says, “These are the
books I was able to find. “This has some about the
founding of the school. “The Eons of Solace, which is
a tome referencing the history “of the nation of Solace. “I couldn’t find anything
about the full faculty, “but the only book I could
find that sort of fit “that was an autobiography
of Arthur Aguefort, “Abra Kedabra: Look at Me
Now, My Life in Magic.” And you see that there’s a book
with a glossy Arthur Aguefort on the cover that looks like
a kind of tell-all memoir. – [Siobhan] Woo hoo! – This is from the restricted section, but not because it has dark magic. It’s just pretty spicy. (laughter) You see she hands it to you and she says, and this is a people’s
history of Fallenoe. It’s a basically a history
of the Elven continent, written from the perspective
of dispossessed peoples and the marginalized, so it’s sort of a, a contrasting point of view to some of the more documented histories. There’s a lot of information about, kind of grain and economy. – [Ally] Hm. – It’s pretty dense. A lot of people hit that,
sort of first year of college. – This will help in my
search for deep answers. – Yes, it should! If you really crack in
there, you’ll find some, you’ll find it. Hopefully that was helpful. Thank you. And she goes back to stacking books. We’ll dip out to the parking lot. – I think maybe I should hide
in one of your backpacks, because I’m the Ball and I
don’t think this cool girl– – Yeah, hide in my backpack. I’m gonna go over to her with my flask. – I like that. – [Brian] I love that idea. – I’m gonna cast Friends. – Can I hide in her backpack? – Can I cast friends on
the liquor in my flask? So that anyone who drinks from it will have Friends cast on them? – That’s for sure not
how the spell is used but I’m gonna allow it,
’cause it’s cool (laughter). Awesome. – I’m gonna just stay kind of by the edge of the parking lot, ’cause I can see very, I have good perception. – Cool. You guys approach Penelope. Go ahead and make a stealth check. – You can get in my backpack. Get in my backpack, the Ball. (laughter) – 16. – Fabian, don’t drink from this. – Why are you saying don’t drink? I’m not gonna drink from that. – You walk up to her. She looks over at you. – Cutting class? – You she says, “I’m sorry?” – Are you cutting class? – Yeah, I guess. – We are as well. – Yeah. Oh, I’m sorry, I was being rude. You want some? – Make a persuasion check,
if you’d be so kind. – (sighing) Gladly. That’s gonna be a 20. Not nat. – Not nat. You see she goes, “You
brought alcohol to school?” – Yeah. Are you worried it’s
gonna make you seem cooler and make it more likely
that you become prom queen? (chuckling) – Yeah! – You see she looks at you and says, “I’m sorry, you’re a little
freak and I love it.” (laughter) Can I get some of that? – [Emily] Yeah, absolutely. – She takes a hit of it. She says, “(slurping) Oh my God! “That is so good.” – Yeah, it’s peppermint schnapps. – Minty! I like that. – [Emily] Yeah. – You see that she hands it back to you. She says, “Well, what’s up? “Are you guys, like, hanging
out in the parking lot too? “You’re trying to cut class?” – Yeah. – It’s like, Aguefort’s not here. Like, what’s even the deal? – [Emily] Yeah. – We’re actually, you know, we’re actually
here waiting for somebody. – Wait a minute! You’re that kid who, like, sliced it up on the
field yesterday, right? – (chortling) Guilty as charged! – Can I just say, like,
I think it’s bullshit that you’re not on the team. That’s crazy! – You are too sweet. – Your dad is Bill Seacaster, right? – (chuckling) Again, guilty as charged! (laughter) – Well, that’s rad. I mean, I’m sure you guys are like– – I’m just biting him from
inside his backpack (laughter). – [Brennan] You see he’s like– – (laughing) Stop! – You see she goes like, “And this is like a freaky question, “’cause I’m like so much
older than you guys. “You probably have, like,
your own parties and stuff. “But like, I have a birthday coming up. “If we were ever to have, like, a party “and like, we couldn’t have it
at my place for some reason, “you think your dad’s place
would be like an option?” – (chuckling) Guilty as charged! – Oh my God, that doesn’t apply there. (laughter) – I mean– – It doesn’t grammatically
fit to what I said. – No, but I would, I mean, I was just, I was saying, of course. – When is your birthday? – [Lou] Yeah, when is it? – My birthday? – [Emily] Yeah. – It’s May 15th. – Oh, so you don’t have a birthday party coming up right now. – That’s like at the end
of the year (giggles). – Okay. I thought you were saying– – Like, later. – You know, it doesn’t matter. Of course! My parents are always away and traveling, so, like, we could
totally hook something up. Like, it was– – Sure! – [Lou] Of course! – Well, that’s awesome. I would love that. That would be awesome. – What are you doing out here? – Make an insight check, both of you. – Can I make one too? – You get one at disadvantage
because you’re in a backpack. (chuckling) – [Brian] Okay. – [Zac] Can I make a perception
check from this point? – [Brennan] Yes, you can. – [Lou] Eight. – I only got five. – Oh! – Nat one. – I got a 16 from far away. – 16 from far away (laughter)! So you’re across the parking lot. She looks, you cannot hear what they’re saying, but you see a facial expression that looks like deep hurt and worry. (giggling) – I should have gone
over there (laughter). – You see that she says, “So, “I don’t know. “I’m waiting. “My friend Sam Nightingale
is being really weird “and she’s hanging around
this guy Johnny Spells. – Mm. Oh, is he the Tiefling
who rides a motorcycle? – [Brennan] Yeah. – Isn’t he, like, old enough
to be one of our dads? – The other kids said a
dad thing the other day. Do you guys all have, like, dad stuff? Or what’s the deal? – No, no, absolutely not. – My father’s Bill Seacaster. – Sure, but like, you
might still have dad stuff. (stuttering) (laughter) – I don’t have dad stuff. – I mean, if we’re speaking candidly, who doesn’t have dad stuff (laughter)? – I don’t have dad stuff. – What is he doing right? – I mean, he just raised me and was like, he was very loving and attentive. I don’t know, he was like a solid parent. – All right, I stand corrected. – But anyway, so is Sam, is Sam coming, or is she– – Yeah, Sam Nightingale. – You see she says, “It’s just weird, ’cause like, “she didn’t show up to school today, (ominous music) “and she like always does, so, “I’m not super sure, like.” – So you’re just kind of like, playing the friend part,
being like, are you coming? – Well, I like, shot a
little message to her crystal and it was like, I didn’t
get a response back and it’s been like 10 minutes, so it’s like, what’s going on? Like, it takes two seconds
to send a text message. – Totally. – Weird! Where does she live? – Yeah, where does she live? (giggling) Also, do you know where Johnny lives? – Johnny doesn’t live anywhere. He hangs out at the fucking
gas station by the highway. – Like, often? Like, if we went there in the
evening, would he be there? – Sam and he having been,
like, sort of going steady for basically the whole summer. – [Lou] Mm-hm. – And he for real is like, I’ve never even seen him lie down. Like, I don’t know that if he has a home or if he even sleeps or whatever. – [Lou] Mm-hm. – But like, he like, obviously is around town a lot. He hangs out with a group of dudes that are all, like, sketchy. You know what I mean? Like– – Of course. No, totally. – They sound cool. – But like, I know that they’re like, he has a souped up car and like, it’s a super fast car, and he
has his motorcycle and stuff and there’s a garage over by the highway. But like, it’s a really
seedy part of town. Like, only fucking losers live over there. – Sorry, I’m just, I’m wondering, are you
saying that you’re worried? Do you trust Johnny? Or, what are you worried about with Sam? – Make another persuasion
check with advantage this time. – Can I make a perception check? (Brennan laughs) – Well, that will be a 24. – 13 on mine. – It’s gonna be 24. – 24. You see she looks at you and says, “Do you, “remember a girl named Penny Lugstone?” – Riz throws up in your backpack. (laughter) – I see the vomit dripping
from your backpack. – Did your backpack just make a fucking, it stinks in here! – Dude, did your Tupperware spill? – Yeah, of course! My Tupperware spilled! – What kind of gross fucking lunch does your dad pack you that you fucking– – He’s generally, it’s just a lot of citrus and raw meat, so I’m gonna go clean this out. But hey, hit me up if you ever
need that party, all right? All right! Actually, do you mind if
I leave my backpack here? I’m gonna go grab– – I would rather you
stay and the backpack go! (laughter) – Okay, you know what, actually? I just chuck my backpack (laughter). I like, throw it. I aim for him. – I’m gonna do an athletics
check and try to– – I try to throw it to him. – [Brennan] Okay, you hurl it– – And I just rolled it and I got a, I got a 10. – You got a 10 (laughing)! You make an athletics check. You have to get a 15 to get it to where– – [Lou] Great. Oh, nope. Nine. (laughing) – So you go leap forward, Gorgug. (laughter) I’m gonna say that you, Riz,
take six points of damage as you are hurled skyward
and slam into a car. Bam! Glass shatters! (alarm sounds) Beep beep beep, (imitates siren)! – He just smashed, I’ll just grab the backpack
and run (laughter). You see Penelope looks
over and says (laughing), you see Penelope looks over and says, I think that freak loser
just stole your backpack out of that car you hit! (laughter) – Oh, what a fucking loser! Oh, that– – Drop that bag, you fucking freak! What’s your deal? You’re like a creep! This kid’s a fucking creep! – No, no, no! It’s okay. I’ll take care of it! And then I pretend to throw fire at him but it’s just Thaumaturgy. Am I allowed to do that? – Yeah, for sure. – So, I’m like, I’ll take care of it. (blasts air) But it’s not, it doesn’t actually, it’s not fire. – You see she goes, Jesus Christ! You are a fucking insane
bitch, and I fucking love it! (giggling) – [Lou] Yes, yes. – I just run around the corner. (laughter) (screaming) – Oh no. Oh no. – Oh, and there’s no
clothing left in the lost and found for you to
change into (laughing)! – Can I have some of your shirt? I’m small. – No! – You can have, like, a crop top. I just start biting his
shirt (tearing noises). (screams) I just make a crop top so
I can wear it like a toga. – Fabian and Fig. – Yeah. – You see that Penelope says, “It’s pointless. “She’s probably not gonna show up. “Like, sometimes she gets
a ride here with Johnny, “but like, it’s just so weird. “Their relationship is so
fucking weird, honestly.” – Yeah, especially since he’s old enough to be someone’s dad. – I don’t think he’s old
enough to be someone’s, I mean, he could be someone’s dad. – Okay. – But he’s, like, honestly
very weird about that stuff. Like, Sam honestly gets pissed at him because they, like, haven’t, like, done it. – What? – He’s, like, extremely weird about it. – Everything I’ve heard about
this guy is that he fucks. – No! Like, straight up– – [Emily] I did hear that he fucks! – We both heard he fucks. – Yeah! – No, I know that everyone
hears that he fucks but I’m telling you, like– – It’s like, yeah. – He doesn’t. That’s the thing. – [Emily] That’s so weird. – Yeah, of course. – It’s like, honest to God. You guys are, like, young. You guys are like 15. – No, I’m 16, actually. – Oh cool, okay. I’m 17. I’m turning 18 and I’m bad. – Of course. Party at my house. – That’s awesome! – I’m 15 but I started
partying pretty early. – Yeah, I fucking believe it! (laughter) Oh my God! – You know, actually, Penelope, I’m gonna go get my bag, but
it was so good to meet you– – [Emily] Yeah. – And you totally have
my vote for prom queen. – [Emily] Let’s totally party! Let’s all party. I heard a lot of people are trying to get. (splutters) – Did you fucking cast
a Friends spell on me? – No! – Yes, you fucking did! – Are you kidding me? I used up all my spells. – Yeah, it was probably that freak kid! – Friends is a fucking cantrip! Do you not go to school here? – I don’t have Friends. Like, I don’t have that spell. – Yeah, you’re not gonna have friends when I’m done with you. She turns around and walks away. – Penelope! Can I chase after her? – Can I cast Friends on
her again (laughing)? – You can go for it if you like. If you look at Friends (chuckling). – I know, I know. – It lets people know that
you cast it at the end of it. – It wasn’t me! It was that freak! – You see she turns around. Make a, persuasion check with disadvantage. – Disadvantage. Okay. I got a 10. – A 10? She turns around and
says, “The creep did it?” – Yeah. Maybe! – Penelope, I know that creep. That’s like, so– – Go ahead and make a persuasion check. – Oh God. 15. That’s totally his game! – Honestly, I’m so sorry I freaked out! I’m just like in this place
where my best friend is like– – No, of course! – With this fucking guy who
hangs out a gas station! I’m gonna make sure that
that kid dies, okay? – Dies? – [Lou] What? – [Brennan] No, but like, socially. – No, of course, yeah. – Socially! Oh my God. It’s so hard at an adventuring school, ’cause you wanna use hyperbole– – [Lou] No, of course. – I’m gonna make a perception
check from around the corner. – (chuckling) Yeah. – I get, what, a 14. – 14, yeah, you hear that. (laughter) – Penelope, we’re gonna go,
but will you totally hit us up if there’s like any– – Yeah, just let us
know if there’s a party or anything like that. – Yeah, we’re honestly
worried about Sam as well, so if you could just let
us know if she’s okay and if you hear anything. That would be so dope. – Honestly, girl, I’m just gonna say it. The thing I’m most interested in is this Johnny Spells guy
and how he doesn’t fuck. – Like, honestly, spread the word. – Yeah! – It’s so fucking weird. He’s got the jacket and everything, and it’s like, fucking! – If there’s a party, just invite me so I can be like, what’s up with you? You don’t fuck. – Yeah, 100%. – Totally see you later. Later, Penelope. – [Emily] Bye! – All right, Fabian, Fig, later! – Bye! – Hey Riz, what the fuck was that? (gasping) What the fuck was that? – I am so sorry! – Why’d you throw up
in my goddamn backpack? You know what? Fuck you, dude! What’d you throw up in
my fucking backpack– – That’s my babysitter! My babysitter is missing! – Oh my God, shut the fuck up! – Oh my God! – He hangs out at the Akron, at the Arkon gas station and garage. He has a car there. – We don’t know anything about Penny because you threw up in the bag and we had to do damage control! – Yeah, you fucking idiot! – And speaking of damage control, Gorgug, we kind of– – I need another shirt. My shirt is halved. – Adaine and Kristen walk out with your books at this moment. – Oh dear. – [Ally] Hey, how’d it go? – Oh, fine. – Good in some ways. – Like, we had it. – Can you use mend? – Can I cast mend on their clothes? (laughter) – Absolutely! – Thank you! We are already not very popular. I just joined the A.V. Club. He– – You joined the A.V. Club? – I had to. – We socially murdered you. – We socially murdered you. – Why? – And I’m really sorry! – Why? – But it was good, because
now we’re in with her. – But that’s not good for me! – I mean, you weren’t, like you weren’t gonna fucking climb very high in the first place. – Yeah, let’s be honest. – All right, all right. Gorgug and I will play the nerds if it means we can solve the mystery. – Okay, play the nerds, sure. – Okay, but– – We might have to act
like we’re unpopular, but– – Can I join the A.V. Club, I guess? – Yeah! – Oh, if you guys are looking for a club, I actually run the Fellowship
of Heloic Athletes. – I found some books. – I drink my own flask and I’m like, oh shit, why did I do that? – What kind of books? – What books did you find? – There’s a book about
the history of the school and then there’s Professor
Aguefort’s autobiography, which apparently is a little spicy. – Yeah, it was in the restricted section. – I bet he, fucks. – I bet he fucks. – I bet he fucks. – Speaking of people who fuck,
Johnny Spells doesn’t fuck. – Yeah, that was actually crazy! – Johnny Spells doesn’t fuck? – Johnny Spells does not fuck, supposedly. – That’s, that’s what you found out? This guy– – Maybe he’s saving himself for marriage. – Well, if these people are disappearing and if he has something
to do with it, maybe, where is he? – I’m saying, a man who– – Maybe he thinks that if
he waits, then that night. (laughter) – Oh my God. All right, I say we– – Then you’ve waited so long. – Kristen, your pants are
bunching up in the weirdest way. – Stop, Kristen, all right? Guys, meet at Krom’s Diner after school. – Okay. – Okay. – [Brian] Okay. – Does anybody want to, just like, figure out how
to go over there together? – Yeah, I could use a ride. – [Siobhan] I’ll come with you. – Oh wait, I can’t be
seen with you around! – Can we talk to one
person before we leave? – Yeah, who? – There’s this, dwarf who went on a little spy mission for me yesterday, much
like you guys just did. It’s sort of a pattern of behavior for me. – You’re not the boss of this group. – Yeah. – Yeah, I’m agreed. You don’t get to– – Don’t we want to know where
these disappearing people are? – Yeah, but you can’t slip
into a de facto leader role. All right? – I’m not saying– – That’s so weird. – You seem to be saying– – I was outvoted last
time, and I was right. – Here, how about you go
talk to your dwarf girl and we’ll go do whatever the fuck we want. – I think we were, I think talking to Goldenrod worked out. – It was great. – I agree. – Well, you wanna go? All right. – I just want to find out what happened– – By yourself, or you wanna
bring the new A.V. Club member? – I said anybody can come. – [Zac] I’ll go. – Why don’t we see if we can find her? – Cool. You go to look for her. You, go ahead and make an investigate check. – Sure. Bad. Nine. – It’s okay, because
it’s the easiest thing in the world to find her. It was an easy five check. – [Brian] Great. – You see this Dwarven girl who is laid up in the nurses’ office. (tense music) She’s on a bed. She’s got her fists
balled up and is drooling. One of her eyes is kind of like (groans). And you see that the school
nurse is tending to her and that her father, this sort of like, out of work, kind of shabby looking dwarf, kind of like, he’s got like, almost a
Carhartt jacket and big boots. He’s sitting next to her. The nurse comes over. You recognize the school nurse. Her name is Fatima. She walks over and says,
“Hey, are you guys all sick? “Anything from yesterday?” – We were just checking on our friend. Is she okay? What happened to her? – You know Ostentatia? – Yes. – You see that, she takes you in. You see that Ostentatia,
again, is covered in jewels. You see her dad is, again, this very working class looking dwarf. You see he’s holding her hand. He’s like, “Anything for my baby. “Anything. “I’ll give you anything, sweetheart. “Yeah. “I’d get anything for you.” You see he looks up at you guys and goes, “Riz? “Riz? “One of you is Riz?” – The Ball, yeah. (chuckling) – My name is Ball. What’s up with Riz? – He reaches into her hand,
takes out a crumpled piece of paper, and first of all,
it’s written in Dwarven. – Okay. I do not speak Dwarven. – I have Comprehend Languages. – [Brian] Sweet. – And you can ritual cast
that, so that’s no sweat. (blasting sound effect) (eerie music) In that case, I’m going
to hand this to Siobhan, who is the only one who can read it. – [Brian] Sweet. – There you go. You see he says, “She just, “she got knocked out. “Last night, she–” – At school or after school? – No! She came home, made a cup of tea, and then, you know, went to her room. I came in and she had fallen down. She was whispering and acting crazy. It was like she had hit
her head on her desk. She had fallen, but she
wrote out a note real quick and she said “Riz” a couple times. – So somebody cast a spell on her? – You see he says, “No.” You see that the nurse says, “No. “It’s some form of poison, we think.” Which is unusual. Very powerful poison to
affect a dwarf the all. – Huh. – This says– – We should go. – That– – We should go. – Yeah, let’s go. Let’s go somewhere else. – Let’s get flowers for Ostentatia. – [Brennan] That’s fine. – That’s a great idea. – Let’s go get some flowers
for our friend, Ostentatia. – I have a flower. – Oh, let’s go get more of them, though! – [Emily] Yeah. – Yeah, we don’t need– – Can I just give her
this flower right now? – No, that’s fine. I cast glow on the flower. – You see the father says,
“Ah, she’ll love that. “Thanks, kid. “I appreciate that. “Here, here you go.” You see he tucks the
flower in the little corner of one of her necklaces
and he pats her head. And she looks up at him like, (groans). – Is she gonna be okay? I ask the nurse. – Sweetie, you wanna ask me
that right in front of her dad? – I didn’t– – Why don’t you guys go
get some flowers, huh? – All right. – [Brennan] Take a little vacay. – Okay. – [Brennan] Yeah, I’ll see you guys later. – What does it say? – Okay, so, I mean, I think her
spelling is pretty bad, or maybe it’s just my
Dwarven isn’t good enough, but it says, “Penny”, but spelled P-E-N-Y, and then “Johnny”, I think, but J-H-N-Y, and then “Crystal”, but
Crystal is spelled– – (stuttering) Don’t spell it! What does it say? – [Siobhan] Penny, Johnny,
Chrystal, Palympsis. Do you know what a Palympsis is? I know a palimpsest is a
grave without a body in it. – How is it spelled? – But it’s not spelled like this. P-A-L-Y-M-P-S-I-S. – P-A-L-M-Y. It couldn’t be Penelope, could it? – I don’t think so. It says Palympsis. Cristal. Penny, Johnny, Crystal, Palympsis. – Was, Crystal the name of the other? No, no, no. – I think crystals are– – Crystals are your phone. – Right. – It might also be a name. – It looks like a name, but all of the other spelling is
so bad that I don’t know. – I’m just gonna say, if
you look at the first, if Penny and Johnny, the words– – Can we see if there’s
any crystals around us? – The words are missing are N and O. – [Brennan] Yeah, you
guys are being watched by crystal right now. – Cool. Let’s get out of the school. – Can we go to the library and
look up what a Palympsis is? – Let’s, (stuttering) I mean, let’s split up. – I’ll go back to the library with you and then we’ll meet you guys. – You guys head back to the library. Go ahead and make an arcana check for me. – Both of us or just her? – [Brennan] You can make
an arcana check as well, if you would like. – 24. – Ooh, hell yeah! You race through the library, Adaine. (flutters) You mage
hand a book off a shelf into your hand, open it up,
and you find the definition of a Palympsis, which has a
couple of different definitions. First of all, it is spelled incorrectly. Looking at the script of the
hand here in the library, like under better light
and better conditions, you see that it is, not only is the spelling wrong, the letters are shoddily written, right? So, it’s, everything looks bad about this, right? – Oh, okay. – A palimpsest, in addition to
being a grave without a body, is also a sheet from old books
prior to printing presses. (gasps) That has been scrubbed
clean to re-record over. So, a palimpsest can be a thing of like, here’s a thing, here’s
a page full of script or illumination, we sheer the page, with old sheepskin pages,
for example, sheered clean when we want to rewrite a book or make changes or amendments
or do other such things. So, both the definition of the grave and in this first
definition of palimpsest, it is a thing that was full that has been wiped and made empty. – Can I cast Identify
on this piece of paper to see if anything– – [Brennan] Cool. – [Siobhan] Any other things pop up on it? – You cast Identify. No reaction from the paper. It looks like just a
scrawled piece of parchment. – [Ally] Okay. And is crystal spelled like the phone? – It’s spelled C-R-I-S-T-A-L. – Is that the name– – Technically, it’s not
spelled C-R-I-S-T-A-L because it’s written
out in Dwarven Futhark, so it’s misspelled in the Dwarven runes. – It’s misspelled in Dwarven. – Okay. Cool. – But I don’t know whether that’s just because she’s an idiot. – And Crystal’s not a name, is it, that we would know from
the missing people? – Not a name of a missing person. – We also could ask Penelope. – Well, we know it says Johnny, so maybe we should still follow that. Just, maybe we don’t know
the answer right now. – Should we meet at the, we run and meet them
at the thing and talk? – I’m just gonna point out, yeah, yeah, I think we should leave school and talk about this. – All right, let’s go. – Before I leave school, can I go talk to the sorcery teacher? – Yeah (laughter). You go. You find Jace on your
way out of the school. – Great. Hey, Jace! – Yeah! – [Lou] Hi! – Hey, what’s up? – I’m Fabian. – [Brennan] Awesome! – I’m one of the new students. – Awesome! – Hey, can we speak candidly for a second? – Yeah. – You know, I’m one of the students who was impacted by yesterday’s events. – Yeah. – And it was just really hard for me. – [Brennan] Sure. Sure. – And you know, there’s part
of me that just really wants to see justice served, so
I was wondering if like, I don’t know, if you ever hear anything about what’s going on with
regard to that investigation, I just would love to kind of, I don’t know. I know that you’re not supposed to tell students everything, but– – Make a persuasion check for me. – Yeah. 15. – You see he looks at you and says, “What you’re asking for is, “very out of order, and guess what? “Out of order is what we
look for at this school. “Okay?” – Jace, I just, dude– – If you were interested
in the proper channels, you wouldn’t be at Aguefort, man. And the fact that you get
it this early is huge. – Thank you. And I really appreciate it. I mean, truly, just from the bottom, like from a very real place,
it just means a lot to me. I don’t know. It was just very hard. Yesterday was very hard. – Yeah. – And today, you’re making it much easier. – I bet. Hey, I bet. And you know what? You know? This world is magic. Life is magic– – [Lou] Uh-huh. – [Brennan] And I’ll be real. – Great. – I see magic potential in you. – Hey, Jace? Jace, dog– – [Brennan] Are we done? – Yeah, I just– – Okay, we’re done here. Cool, man. – Later, dude. – Take it easy. You head out of there. You guys– – I’m gonna pop my head
in and wave goodbye to Porter, the barbarian that
I just audited the class in. – Cool. He grabs you as your leaving and says, “Fig, I just want to say, “you know, I know you’ve got the guitar.” – [Emily] Yeah. – Come by class anytime, you know? – Thanks. – ‘Cause obviously, I’m sure you, “you know, check out the
bard classes, of course. – I know. I really should get to that. – Have you not done it yet? – [Emily] No. – You might not be a bard! Maybe you’re a barbarian. – I definitely, you know, everything you were saying
I was really relating to, and so I definitely think I
will be stopping in again. – You have a lot of potential,
and I don’t say that lightly. – Thank you. – I’m sorry I sang earlier (laughter). (giggling) It just, it came out of me. – You were there too? – I’ve been quietly
standing here for a minute. – Gorgug also has total potential. – Is this a friend of yours from bard– – I was in your, do you, I was– – He was in the class. – You sang, that’s right, yeah. – I’m actually in your class. – Actually in the class, right. Well, keep at it! You know. You got. – Potential? Were you gonna say I have
potential (laughter)? Was the rest of the sentence– – Come by sometime. Gorgug, hey, keep at it, and, I’ll see you. I’ll see you next time. And you see that he walks away. (giggling) – That’s so heartbreaking. – I think he just is, I think he just is like– – He was trying to think
of the word potential. – The word. He forgot the word potential, I think. Yeah. – I wanna write a little
note to these guys or find a corner that, is it pretty safe to assume that there’s kind of crystals everywhere– – Yeah, for sure. – I’d like to write
these guys a little note. I write five full notes. (laughing) Very verbose. Basically just asking,
should we consider going into the A.V. Club and
trying to erase the footage of us talking about this stuff? – Do we have a sense of if it’s like, it’s like CCTV? Like, it’s not recording every
conversation people have, it’s just people just– – Did I get any sense of
that while I was in there? – You did not. You don’t know how it works. And not only do you not know how it works, you don’t know if you would
know how to even erase it. You could, like, smash
the machines around. – I mean, worst case
scenario, we pay all of them, but, I mean I don’t
think there’s any point. – I think paying them
would be admitting fault. – You guys head off to the diner. – Cool. – Fabian, you order a car for the gang. You guys pile in, travel
down past the highway to Krom’s Diner, a glowing neon form, like a temple to comfort
food, 24 hour a day service. (jazzy music) You guys walk into the front door past the little gumball machine with those little sweet candies all throughout, with taking, you know, copper
pieces instead of quarters, and you guys walk up to a booth. Red lined. You guys gather all around. You look out the window to
see the Tieflings gather around their motorcycles
in front of the garage. Yandi, the Halfling waitress,
a little bit older in years, moves from table to table,
offering krullers and caniches and Dwarven stew of some variety. You guys take a seat and
order a bunch of milkshakes, which you are all happily enjoying as you survey Johnny Spells and his gang. – Okay. – I’ve likely never had a milkshake before and I’m not telling any of them that this is a major thing for me. We don’t have sugar in
my house (laughter). – Okay, so, the Ball, any thoughts? – I mean, should we check out the garage? – I’m saying, I feel like I’m a Tiefling. They’re Tieflings. – Agreed. – I can kind of casually, I can distract them and
you could go sneak in. – You guys hear from out there, you hear a guy say, “(chuckling)
Hey, that’s enough, Tony. “Come on! “Lay off of him.” And you see Johnny goes, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. “All right, knuckleheads. “Break is over. “Let’s get back to work.” They walk into the garage, open a door, and you guys see that
deeper in the garage, you see that there is a full dance studio with a mirrored wall and
like a bar up against it, and you see the Tieflings start taking their jackets off and
stretching, and then one of them closes the door behind them. – Okay, so– – What? – I need to know more now! – I am fascinated. – I mean, yes. There’s reasons outside of– – I thought it was a chop shop. – Yeah. – But. – I don’t know. I do agree, Fig, that you will blend in with these people better
than any of the rest of us. – Okay, okay. Choose your words carefully. – (stuttering) There’s nothing overt. – I actually see, I find that I can fit in with anyone. – Who’s a good dancer? – I mean, I play music. – I’m an acrobat. I mean, I’m very flexible. – I do a dance with a
scarf that represents how the world can taint you. – I’m speechless after what you just said. – As am I, yeah. – You haven’t even seen it yet! Let me just– – Well, here’s the thing. – Kristen, Kristen, Kristen! – Actually, you know what? I wanna use Thaumaturgy. Is the door locked or unlocked? – It’s too far. This is all the way across the street. – [Emily] Oh, okay. – So, they’re now inside. You can’t see them anymore. They’re inside. – I think we should just go spy. – Can we talk to the
people that work here? – [Brennan] Sure, you
can talk to Yandi, yeah. – [Emily] Yeah, that’s a good idea. – You can stop dancing. – Please stop dancing. – What? Wait, it only has two color splotches on it from greed and sloth. (laughter) – Excuse me. – Yep? – Can you tell us, please, about the garage that’s across the way? – Oh, the garage! Yeah! Well, those boys hang out over there. – Those boys? – What do they do there? – They’re, they’re a little rough
and tumble, you know? – You see, maybe we were mistaken, but we thought that perhaps
we saw them dancing in there. – (gasps) That’s right! You know, when they rumble,
they do a whole dance before. – When they rumble? When they fight? – Yeah, they do it to fight. They come out. I seen them, a bunch of sort
of half-orc bruisers came by one time and they said, “Hey! “You know, this is our turf!” And they just started going, (scats)! And they started doing
this incredible dance! – They are the Jets. – What? – They are the Jets. – What are you talking about? I don’t catch that reference. – So, they danced and
then they beat them up? – They’re a dangerous gang! They do a dance! – I heard that, and that was the fighting? There was no fighting after that? – Was there any– – They’re bards. They’re– – What’s that? No, they do a dangerous dance. It’s scary! – Is it magic? Is the dance magic? – [Brennan] What’s that? – Do they kick– – It is magic! I was transported! – Was it actual magic? Because surely, Fig,
demonstrate a magic musical– – Okay, I use Thaumaturgy
and I play my guitar, (bass thrumming) and I make
a tremor happen in the diner. – [Ally] And I instantly
pull out my scarf. – Stop! – Okay, so was it like this or like this? – You see that, Adaine, the
milkshake you’re drinking from, pow! Gets hit by that tasty chord. There’s a little thing of liquor, a little airplane liquor
bottle in the top of it now. You see she goes, “Wow! “That’s pure rock and roll!” – Thank you. – Yeah! It’s like that! – Okay. All right. Thank you very much. – Okay. So, they have some kind of thing tonight. They have a fight tonight. That’s what this means. – Oh, good call. – I wanna see this so bad. – So, if we stay, if we stay, first off, we should try and spy on them. – What do you mean, they
have a fight tonight? – Oh– – No, they rehearse all the time. – Can I get another kruller? – You think you can just (laughter), you think, you want another kruller? – (laughing) Could we just
get a round of krullers? – [Zac] Yeah, can I get three krullers? – A round of krullers for the whole gang! (laughing) – I want just three krullers. – But yeah, I was gonna
say, you think you can just jump into a dance extemporaneously? No! You have to rehearse a lot! – [Brian] Okay, yeah! – Sorry. – If you’re going to do
a threatening gang dance, you gotta put the work in! – Yeah, sorry. That kruller (laughing)? – There’s no need to be rude, but please, go get our krullers. – All right, six more krullers. She walks away. – And fresh ones! Please don’t come back (laughing). – I don’t think it’s actually rock and roll to be rude to wait staff. – I’m not being rude (laughter)! And I wasn’t trying to be rock and roll. I was trying to, she was eavesdropping! – Also, let’s be honest. They’re wait staff (titters). – Well, come on, now. – Okay, well, no. – I don’t know. I mean, they’re wait staff. – Everyone make a perception check. – [Emily] We’re not on the same page here. – [Brian] Okay. I feel like we’re being watched. – I got a 21. – I got a nat 20, baby! – 20. – Three. – [Emily] Which turns into– – You hear a voice coming from the garage that whispers to you through
your vibrating guitar that you just played, and
the strings whisper to you, “Save me.” – Guys, we gotta go. – Go where? – What? – We gotta go to the garage. – [Lou] Why? – Someone needs to be saved. – What? – Yes! We need to go to the garage. – A whisper just came through my guitar. I don’t know if you guys
heard, but it said save me. – Was it like a Halfling
voice in the guitar whisper? – Do I know? Do I have any kind of idea? – No idea. A voice said, save me. – I’m not sure. – It was just a general guitar whisper? – Okay, fine. Then, how are we going to go about this? All right? That’s the real question, right? ‘Cause all six of us
running up on this garage. I mean, these boys look scary. – Wait, you guys! Listen to me! Can I do inspiring speech. – Absolutely. Go ahead and take it away. – All right. (inspiring music) We’re probably gonna have to go in there and encounter what we
already did, which is– – Corn cuties? – Corn cuties. I worship the corn, and yesterday, I had to see it’s perverted, upside down– – It’s gonna get inspiring. – Yeah, I know. And she’s standing on the table, so– – It’s really hard and
it was very confronting. Yeah, sure, my whole thing is
praising Helio, who is a corn. Yeah, sure, yesterday,
maybe because my bible went into the corn, the corn
went evil and at us, okay? I have a lot of questions,
not a lot of answers, but I think that if we go in there, we can save that person,
maybe not through Helio, but through some sort of good
in this world that I worship. I’m getting more into a like, one love place in my life. Like, maybe it’s not just Helio. Maybe there’s like a lot of gods, or maybe there’s just like the glint of good in everyone’s
eye, and we all can decide to follow that or not. I have a lot of reading to do,
but anyway, something has– – This has been a good, inspiring– – Yeah, something– – Hey, don’t worry. I’m ready to clap at any moment. – Something has been
giving me a lot of power. You guys all witnessed it, right? You made jokes that you were
gonna be religious soon. – Yeah, we did. – I witnessed it. – Just know that I have been
praying for you each night, each of you individually. – So, one night. One night. It’s been one night since you’ve met us. – I, (chuckling) yeah. Well, honestly, before I even met you, I prayed for the friends and the company that I would keep when
I entered this school. – (gasping) That’s actually really nice. – I want the best for you,
and I’ll always heal you. – (chuckling) You will. – I will. And yeah, so, if you
would just take my hand and let’s close this out. Let’s pray. (ethereal music) Dear really big god,
maybe not Helio anymore, ’cause you were kind
of, you kind of looked like you’ve date raped. (groaning) Anyway, something better than who I
met as a god, please be with us as we go in there, and thank you for, this day, and thank you for this food. Thank you for– – Amen! – [Ally] Oh, okay. – You all gain five temporary hit points! – Yay! (clapping) – Now, was it the prayer
or was it the krullers? (laughter) – Ow! What do you guys do? – Can I, can I recover any of the hit points from– – Yes, you can. That’s a short rest. – If he does that, I might do, how much do you need? – Song of rest, that’s plus one D6, and you can use that as
many times as you want. – I can? – I think so, right? Maybe I’m wrong. – Woo! – I get a D8 hit dice back and I’m, I’ve lost six hit points. I don’t know if it’s worth it. – I don’t think we’re gonna
take another short rest. – Yeah, yeah, that’s true. – [Brennan] Go for it, yeah. – Yeah, do it. – Okay. Okay, so we have five and
then what did you give me? – You get a D6. Roll another D6. – Sweet, so I’m at full and then, great. – [Emily] All right, everyone full? – Full plus five. – And then the plus five? Great. – We have a plus five temporary. – Dang, bitch! – You guys– – I’m a healthy Tiefling! – So, you guys exit the diner. (exhaling) You head over. Is any particular person in the lead? ‘Cause you still have your detect magic, so you can see– – I think I’m gonna be in the lead, just because I’m a Tiefling
and I can always play dumb and just pretend like I
want in if we get caught. – Do we want to maybe have you, try to talk to them. While they’re distracted,
I’ll try to sneak in. – Maybe Fabian, me, and
Riz can sneak in the back. – I think we should
maybe try to spy first. – I don’t want to split up that much. – Yeah, I don’t think we
should split up entirely, but I think we should see
if there’s any windows, try and spy in. If that goes bad, I’ll go in myself, and then if there aren’t any windows, then I can knock on the door and be like, I’m a Tiefling and I just wanna
get to know other Tieflings! – Okay, want me to, maybe I’ll do a quick
round around the back of the garage and come back to these guys. – [Brennan] Cool. Make a stealth and an investigation. – Okay. – And I will go with him. I think that makes sense. – [Brennan] Cool. – Stealth is 24. – Ooh, my stealth was seven. – Okay, no worries. – My investigation is 12. – My investigation was nine. – You stumble and fall out on your way, but these guys are dancing
up a storm in the other room. They do not notice. You can hear them being
like, “Bruno, Bruno! “When I’m here, you gotta be here! “You understand me? “I’m at this. “All right, (scats). “Kick and flip and turn. “You understand me?” Hey, don’t fucking talk to me that way! I’m trying, all right? You’re more limber than I am. You see that, peek through a window. You see something that
you wouldn’t have noticed, but it is glowing with arcane
power as you gaze at it. There is a crystal that looks
like it has been scarred up or scraped somehow,
some way, as if by magic. There’s like little
fractures all throughout it. You cannot see this. You see a figure of a young
girl made of arcane energy putting her hands up against the outside of the crystal from the inside of it. (ominous music) Next, Adaine, with your
investigation check, you notice a small crate that is open with some tea leaves in it. You also see a set of keys on the dash of that little workbench. – Tea leaves and keys. Okay. We will go. Let’s go back and talk to these guys. So, we go back to them. So, we saw what we saw. – Okay. – That girl was sick. That girl was poisoned. – Right. – With tea leaves. – But stole a tea from
the vice president– – From Aguefort! – And, or, the vice president! – [Siobhan] From the principal! – And he said it that it tasted terrible! – The principle was saying
this tasted terrible! They’re trying to– – They were trying to– – So he is good! – [Emily] If they were trying to– – If someone’s against him, he is good. – Yeah, they were trying
to poison Aguefort. – Or is Aguefort bad? – [Emily] No! – And these guys are good. – These guys have a girl
trapped in a crystal. I don’t think that they’re good. – That’s scary. – Maybe that’s the crystal
that she was talking about. – Oh yeah, yeah! – Yeah, it was scraped like it was– – Right. – But they must have
also been responsible, because the other word, palimpsest– – Yeah. – Is a… – Scraping clean. But how do those girls know about– – No, no! – I know what you’re saying. Was it that piece of paper
that was in the corn? It could have been, or it could just mean she’s in this crystal. – Yeah. – You guys are right near
the front of the open garage. There is the workbench
with the crystal on it, a set of keys, a little
skull dangling off of them, and then that thing of tea. You hear the noise of the dance rehearsal in the other room starting to wrap up. – [Emily] Okay, I’m gonna– – Should we steal those
keys and that crystal? – Yes! – You guys go steal it. I’m gonna go knock on the door and just try to distract them. – Great. – Can I use Mage Hand to grab a– – [Brian] I think it’s gonna be– – You can use Mage Hand
to grab that crystal and those keys right now. – Great, I do that. – You (roaring) get the
crystal in your hand. You grab the keys. You see that there is a
sick hot rod right there. – Well, you guys wanna go for a ride? – Yeah, absolutely. – Is there anything else? Can I look around– – Maybe, let’s get the tea– – Yeah, I know how to drive. – So that we can get an antidote. – 27. 25. – You see there’s a little
teabag right next to it, but it has a little letter drawn in a script you don’t
recognize to Johnny Spells. – Grab it. – Grab that for the police. – Yeah. – Cool. You grab it, you guys hop in that car. As you hop out, the door opens behind you. (rock music) You see Johnny at the front look out, and one of the smaller Tieflings says, “Johnny, they’re getting in your car!” – Does anybody know how to drive? – I’m trying to cover my face. – Johnny Spells goes,
“All right, gang (snaps). “Let’s rumble!” (groaning)

Comments (100)

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  2. I enjoyed this so much I don’t know what to comment

  3. Love how Fabian and Riz both say "that is a bad idea" at the same time

  4. 10:50 her dad is a devil not a demon these are very different in dnd, demons are from the abyss and often fight devils who rule over and are trapped in the nine hells


  6. Brennan pulling the word "microfiche" out when they got to the library is the best improvised line so far.

  7. I'm getting some serious Dumbledore vibes from the principle!

  8. I’m confused. Is the vice principal’s name goldenrod, goldenhorn, or goldenhoard?

  9. 1:07:58 Hermione

  10. Is Fig trying to fuck Principal Goldenrod or just make him uncomfortable?

  11. This is giving me edgy Harry Potter vibes ?

  12. Pirate Dad is best dad.

  13. Is it just me or is Porter’s voice amazing

  14. uuugh Emily suuuucks

  15. ."…. then my mother took me back to First Grade"

  16. watching these in order, just wanna say, OH SHIT THE TEA WAS POISONED HE WAS GONNA DIE NO MATTER WHAT

  17. Thank you Brennan for being the most perfect, awesome, skilled, chill DM ever.

    And also, THANKS A LOT. Now
    I’ll never be happy with my dms :’(

  18. Tiefling Side Story. Damn funny.

  19. "I'd like to attack the monster with my Fossey Jazz Hands, please?"

  20. The “G for ‘graphics’” argument isn’t sufficient. Counterexample: SCUBA is pronounced ‘skoo-buh,’ not ‘skuh-buh’ even though the U stands for ‘underwater.’

  21. i love how in character they are

  22. It's a little cliche to make the half orc an idiot, but he's at least a very endearing idiot.

  23. Anybody else keep getting the DUI psa ad thing?

    I'm watching a DnD campaign at 2 am on a friday night. Yeah I dont think you need to tell me that having fun with friends is dangerous.

  24. Meanwhile I'm like "why tf are they making fun of Johnny spells for being asexual " but then I realize teens are just like that

  25. I bet the popular girl snuck the piece of paper into her bible and she got the jock to throw it in the corn. (Or whoever picked up her bible after the goth guy knocked her over. Whoever picked it up for her is the culprit I reckon)

  26. This needs to be an official campaign with the maps and stuff available to buy. I would pay money for this

  27. "Oh, don't be SPITEful …"

    Then maybe don't be stupid.

  28. Poor Gorgug, but at least he has friends now

  29. Fig is a Bardbarian!

  30. I love the irony that the party’s bard gave an actually good answer about rage while the barbarian sang a song.

  31. Mr gibbons! A demon?! Possibly fib's father

  32. Here's the thing, in a polytheistic society, the problem of evil can be waved away. In pantheons, there tend to be either good gods and bad gods, or the gods are basically just incredibly powerful humans.

  33. I cried for the speech…

  34. This is like Breakfast Club meets Lord of the Flies! Goonies meets 16 Candles!!

  35. "you died" "i know i met god"

  36. Riz and Gorgug are my favorite. This makes me wanna play D&D! It looks fun!
    Not to mention Zac is cute. Is he single? ill be his man
    also why do i keep imagining Arthur as RuPaul in my head

  37. Kristen: “Maybe he’s saving himself for marriage.” Looks onto the distance wistfully
    Truly an underrated line.

  38. that assembly was a very good representation of high school lol

  39. 15:43 I am a firm believer in not spoiling the ending as well.

  40. This is a two hours film and I didn't even notice.

  41. I want to be Brennan's friend 🙁

  42. Jhonny Spells does not fuck

  43. how did emily have a +6 to charisma at level 2 on that flat charisma check

  44. "No, but she did ask what spell you used, and I think my silence spoke volumes." Best line of the night

  45. Hey don't say you ship the teachers with students. thats pedophilia like the vice principal and fig. Not okay.

  46. helios is a greek god of the sun
    helios is a greek god of the sun
    helios is a greek god of the sun
    helios is a greek god of the sun

  47. 1:19:11 is eternally one of my favourite bits of fantasy high

  48. Ships: Gorgug & Riz; any combination of Fig, Adaine, and Kristen

  49. This is strait up fantasy my hero academia

  50. 25:25 "you cant drink here" 5 minutes after the principle commits a murder suicide

  51. If only my DM-ing skills was as amazing as Brennan's.

  52. i can't decide whether my favorite npc is Goldenhoard or Fabian's dad.

  53. The lack of reaction from Brennan’s Multiclass pun is a crime

  54. 1:02:07 Um, actually that's a tortoise, not a turtle.

  55. 4:28 Kristen : Oh my God
    Helio : Yes, I am.

  56. Brennan is a phenomenal DM. I was instantly pulled into the story in the first episode. He is a treasure


  58. (1d12 + 1 Charisma) Reasons why

  59. Honestly I would be cool with being in heaven with the bro Helio

  60. Just noticed that at 1:17:03 Lou tried to squeeze in one more "guilty as charged!"

  61. "No we need someone whos cool, and-"

  62. zac is actually my favorite

  63. I want a D&D game that’s just internet DMs master league. Brennan, Murph, Matt Mercer, and Griffin McElroy, all DMed by (I only know 4 internet DMs)

  64. This dude does voices & storytelling so well its so immersive i truly am enjoying this series ❤

  65. Every time Goldenhorde starts talking it starts of SO great and then the tangents come

  66. Love how he becomes sir John Doe Defender of the Basic again at the very end of each epsiode.

  67. This is how that movie “Bright” should have been.


  69. it's great how you can see Brennan's original plan with aguefort dying from his tea and not committing suicide

  70. Gorgug and his family will always be my favourite. It's so cute… And Gorgug is a lil cinnimon roll while still bein hilariously sad and adorable.

    And his parents are hilarious. I just- I'm so glad I decided to watch this…

  71. The Bible was cursed.

  72. "I don't think it's rock and roll to be rude to wait staff" might be the greatest thing I have ever heard.

  73. I love Emily's accent, it's fantastic

  74. "you can talk to mr gibb-"

  75. the cross talk here is insane

  76. Man they didn’t even use that as an excuse to skip a week of school, now that’s metal

  77. Don’t get the dovahkin

  78. Generic awesome comment to increase YouTube analytics

  79. The dwarf was poisoned by the TEA meant for the PRINCIPLE, come ON NOW

  80. Mr Gibbins was great but he a demon now so well might be.

  81. " I don't want to go to the library. And I don't want to do the other thing…. so ima just sit here."


  82. “Oh I was saying goodbye to a lost friend” The DM just says “ok roll a persuasion check

  83. I want a T-shirt that says “Johnny spells DOESNT fuck”

  84. I've commented on this a few times now, but I never got to the point where Gorgug gave someone his flower, that's so sweet!

  85. 28:37 Gorgug starts looking for his dad


  87. Just gotta say, 'extemporaneously' is like an SAT level word I had to look that shit up and I applaud Brennan for using that without even thinking about it.

  88. gorgug is literal babey, he’s such a mf cinnamon roll ??

  89. The Goldenrod chant fucking killed me ??

  90. Favorite moment timestamps for personal reference:
    4:40– Why is there suffering?
    28:28– Gorgug's insight
    37:50– Gorgug's parents picking him up
    45:49– Prayer chain from Kristen
    58:15– Barbarian class
    1:00:27– "Please stop, get out of my way"
    1:14:01– "You're a little freak, and I love it!"
    1:26:49– Waiting for marriage

  91. 36:52 What's his stealth bonus? 8? How?

  92. 1:21:43 But she was gonna say something important! Before… Riz…

  93. Coming back to these episodes after having watched the whole season is honestly amazing. SO MANY THINGS MAKE SENSE

  94. This series needs to be turned into a film or tv series. No joke

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