Oh shit! [Narrator] This season
on the sidemen show… [Screams] – Aargh!
– Oh! Aargh! [Nicole] I’ve been kidnapped
by my evil twin sister. [Whitehall] We’re gonna
be doing a race. Is your name actually Bear? Oh my god! [Bear] You can run,
but you can’t hide, Sidemen! – Oh my god!
– Help! We need to get out of here now! [Alarm pulses] – Yeah, dudes.
– Oh my god, it’s Steve-O! I’ve been followin’ you
on YouTube and I’m impressed with
what you’ve accomplished. But now it’s time for you
to step off the sidelines and kick some serious ass. I need you to join me here
in Morocco for a crash course in becoming a totally
dominating action hero. Hop on that jet, boys.
I’ll see you in three hours. – Yeah!
– Let’s go, then! Let’s get to the jet! – Josh, pick up my passport.
– Get your own passport! I got my shirt. Why do I have to get
the passports for? I’ll close the door as well,
shall I? Yep, sure, fine. – No, what are you doing?
– Get in! [J.J.] Jesus,
how long does it take? [Narrator]
Since the dawn of time, there have always been sidemen, just as there have always been
plankton in the oceans, worms in the earth,
gnats in the sky. Over the years, kings,
queens, pharaohs and presidents have all challenged
sidemen to rise up, to be all they can be, to leave the shelter
and step to the front. That forward leap
has never transpired. Until now. We bring you
seven extraordinary sidemen of our own time, who are men of action,
destiny and courage. Men who dare
to step into the light. They will raced, chased,
blown up, battered and bedraggled,
through deserts and oceans, over mountains
and cities with one aim: to move to the front,
to take center-stage. This is The Sidemen Show. [Harry] Go on, boys! [Simon] Oh my god, Harry, why?
Harry, why? [Ethan] He’s literally right
at the top of the stairs. [Harry] It’s Steve-O. Hello. Come on, boys, let’s move. – Come on, Ethan.
– I’ve got short legs! Gentlemen, welcome to Morocco. I am, of course, Steve-O, known for breaking bones
and shoving things up my butt. So who better to help you guys
become true action heroes? – The Rock, probably.
– [Raucous laughter] Alright, fair play! But you’re on a quest
to become action heroes, and I’m gonna make you
look badass doing it. I’ve devised three
unique challenges to help you test
your action hero skills. All action heroes
are stealthy as [Bleep]. So for challenge one, you guys
are gonna need to learn how to blend in,
to disappear. So, head on into the market and find yourselves
some disguises. I’ll be giving you instructions
the whole time while I watch from up here.
I may even follow you. – Like a pedo.
– You bet. [Laughter] [Steve-O] Watch out! Here’s some money,
500 dirhams. Now, get outta here, men. – No, Harry, Harry!
– Jesus! [Bleep]! Not that way, you idiot. [Harry] It’s a short cut! I can land on my feet.
I’m an action hero, trust me. Merci, merci beaucoup. Speaking French, you know.
You practice it, practice it. Splitting up, I like that. – That’s not charmed, is it?
– Snake… – [Ethan] The cobra was…
– [Josh] It was dancing. I don’t really know what
I’m looking for right here. What would you wear
to disguise yourself? I say we just cover you
in meat. [Simon] How’s that
gonna help anyone? That’s gonna make
more people look at me. Nah. You’ll blend in.
You’ll look like a cow. [Vik] Now this is what
I’m talkin’ about. This could be like
an invisibility cloak. – [Josh] Oh my goodness.
– [Ethan] Now that works. [Vik] Do you see
how casual that was? [Josh] You could pass
as an old lady now. Excuse me.
How much for this? 100 dirhams. You know what, I do like it
very much, so… There we go, that’s for you. Remember, boys, to be an action hero
you gotta have a catchphrase. You gotta be sexy…
and a bunch of other stuff. – Wanna hear my catchphrase?
– Alright, hit me. [Tobi] I don’t think I do. Hide your wife,
I’ve got a knife! [J.J.] Okay, uh… – Come on, boys.
– Let’s not go with that. [J.J.] I think
I’ve got something. Alright, one down,
two to go. – You did well.
– What do we get? I don’t know, just anything
that helps you blend. Just embrace the culture. I’m not gonna lie, I saw
a Burberry scarf back there and I was tempted. Oh boys, these are me.
Look at these. [J.J.] No way. Nice shop. All I’m sayin’, Harry… Oh jeez, yes.
That’s it, yeah. [Shopkeeper]
You know what is mean that? That one, we mean,
like that, it’s happy. Oh, it’s like the pubes! The left side is angry. [J.J.] I guess it makes
communicating a lot easier. [Shopkeeper] Are you happy? Can I get the slippers down,
please? Merci beaucoup. – This is goatskin.
– Goatskin? [J.J.] They don’t look
that comfortable. [Harry] It’s like
stepping on a goat! Yeah, I love ’em.
How much for the goat creps? – They’re like 300 dirhams.
– Whoa! – [Simon] What about this?
– That one, give me 150. Oi, oi, oi, you’re not
gonna believe this. – [J.J.] What?
– [Harry] Found a girlfriend? Oh! Oi, is that
knock-off Sidemen? So how much in total for both
of these and the goat creps? – 500 for all.
– 500? 70… – More, more.
– More? – Yeah.
– Give him that
and we’ll take that back. – Ah… Yeah, yeah.
– How about that? We’ve just outdone ourselves. [Harry] We’ve got everything. I think we’ve really
done well. I’m happy, look. [Harry] Oi, J.J.,
try the catchphrase. Hey, show me your penis! – [Harry] No, let’s go.
– Okay, let’s go. We’re in a bad place. We do not look like
action heroes at all. – I do.
– I don’t think actually you do. You look like
a budget action hero. Oh wait, where have I gone? I like it, Vik,
you’re the ultimate chameleon. Just blending right in. [Vik] Now you see me,
now you don’t. – Great work!
– Steve-O, I’m nailing it, okay? [Steve-o] Harry,
the goat loafers are hot, but you need more. J.J., take this
to another level. I think we need
to buy a carpet. [Harry] That’s a carpet
right there. Oh wow…
How convenient! – [Harry] Can I try it on?
– [J.J.] Oh my god. Where did Harry go?
No, we can see you. – I like it, let’s take it.
– Yeah, we’ll take it. – I offer you 20 things.
– [J.J.] It’s not gonna work. Yeah? Nice! Nice! – Wow.
– Alright, happy days. – Let’s go.
– Oh my god. [Harry] Simon, why can I
smell your mum? [J.J.] Oh, cos there’s
a lot of fish. Alright, guys, looking good. Guys! Guys, guys, guys… Oh that? Oh Jesus.
What the hell is that? I’m a farmer now. [Vik] Can you just explain
where you got it? [Ethan] It’s too long a story. Did you pay for it? Too long a story, Vik! – Ethan!
– [Vik] Quick, run! Go, go, run, run! Ethan, what have you done?
Why are we running? [Ethan] Cos there’s
a crazy man chasing us! [Shouting] [Steve-O] Great work, boys. The Rock doesn’t have
shit on you. Guys, to make this a success,
I need you to run in slow motion and make it look cool. And don’t forget to break
a bunch of crap. [Josh] Run, like
a normal human! Run! [Simon] You know how we were
saying we need to blend in? [Harry] I’ll tell you
how we can blend in. – [Simon] How?
– I’ll become carpet man! [J.J.] Just stop. A carpet?
Really, a carpet? [Harry] What do you mean?
This is a great disguise. – What’s this?
– I’m carpet man. – Donkey?
– [Laughter] Man just called you
a donkey, fam! He does look like
a bit of an ass. Go, go, go, go, go! Ethan, idiot!
Did you pay for that goat? [Ethan] It’s a long story! Give him back
his bloody goat! – Guys, I’m hungry.
– Really? – Let’s check this place out.
– Seriously? Stinks of shit over there, dude. Well, it’s food.
Ah… snails. Simon, check these out. [Harry] Oh! Jesus! – Simon, you cretin!
– [J.J.] Oh my…! The snails! Guys, I said the idea
is to blend in, dudes. – What are you doing?
– He threw snails at me. – Run, Run ! Boys, gotta go!
See you at the main market. Okay, Sidemen,
you gave it your best. Now meet me in the market
for your next challenge. Steve-O said go, get
to the market. Go, go, go! [J.J.] What did you guys do? Sidemen, before
we get started here, who came up with
“Show me your penis”? Excellent work! That is an action hero
catchphrase if I ever did hear one. Now for challenge two,
becoming an action hero requires playing games
of chance and skill in colorful surroundings. So, gentlemen,
welcome to slipper tagine. – Is this actually a thing?
– Yeah. It’s tagine, not vagine,
you [Bleep] hounds! Alright,
this is how you play. Yeah,
you stand behind here, flick the slipper
toward the tagines. Like this. Ah! Hopefully you can do
better than I did. Alright. Land in the tagines
and you’re safe. Miss, you’re royally screwed. Whoever wins is gonna get
a sick set of wheels. The two of you who don’t win
will not. It’s gonna be a bad day
for the loser. [Harry] Watch Vik
be good at it. [J.J.] It’s in his blood. I do wear slippers
all the time. – [Simon] He does, actually.
– [All] Whoa! [J.J.] Oh Jesus! Can I use these
or do I have to use these? – They’re too big!
– No! No! It’s got a bigger surface area. No looker. [Steve-O] That was dog shit,
Harry. Not lookin’ good for you. – [Ethan] I’m scared!
– Let’s go, Ethan, you got this. You got a bit of a step, mate. He can’t get it off his sock. Why’s he so far back? Oh no! – What was that?
– Awful! My heart is racing,
what the hell? Go on, Tobi. [Bleep] it up. – [Simon] He’s gonna get it now.
– [J.J.] Oh my god, yes. [Ethan] Oh the wind.
– Yeah he got it in the wind. – Oh my god.
– Oh my god. Oh! Not bad. That’s hard.
I’ve not played this before. Just get it
to land in the tagines. Oh! Everybody but Harry
and Ethan are on target. Alright, J.J.,
if you land in the tagines, these two guys get screwed. If you don’t land
in the tagines, it’s a sudden death
for who goes out. Let’s go. Oh my god, that is the most
intense slipper throw of a lifetime. Guys, stop stressing me! [Screaming] – That’s not in!
– It’s not in. That’s not in. – Yes! Yes!
– [Steve-O] Total fail. Which means sudden death. Next round, final round, each of you will flick
one slipper. The closest to the center wins. [Simon] Come on, Harry. [All] Ooh. [All] Ooh… He’s out, he’s out. J.J., you’re gonna have to
perform pretty badly to not win. Oh no. I don’t wanna
be with Ethan! [All] Oh… Yes! Surely, surely…
Oh hang on. It’s in. [Simon] He’s the judge.
Let him decide. Steve-O, I love “Jackass”. I don’t wanna be with Ethan.
I watch all your movies. That one’s in! [Screaming and cheering] Oh my god! Oh my god!
Oh my Jesus… No! Alright, Sidemen,
for the final challenge, action heroes need to be able
to drive any type of vehicle. So we’re goin’ into the desert. Winners,
you’ll be drivin’ Range Rovers with air conditioning. Let’s go! [Steve-O] You two sadly will
have no air conditioning riding a junk truck. It goes very slow. Now, let’s hit the desert! Our next challenge
is at Camel Ridge. I’m so happy
we’re all together. – It’s over for them.
– See you later, guys. – [Ethan] Stop celebrating.
– [J.J.] Hate my life. – Oh my… Fam!
– What? There’s like nothing in here! What do you mean,
there’s nothing in here? Shut up and
get in the car, man. All jokes aside, this hurts. Does the window even open? Everything comes apart.
What the hell is going on? I have an idea that
the window just doesn’t open. Oh no. Oh no. [Ethan laughs] Oh my god, no! No! There we go. The handbrake’s down.
What is this? – Why is this in our car?
– [Ethan laughs] [Engine splutters] – Ah…
– Hee-hee! Ha-ha-ha! You just gotta smile. – What are you looking at?
– [Ethan] Sorry! I’m sorry! [J.J.] Give me your bicycle!
Give me your bicycle! This is actually like one
of the worst things ever. – That’s not healthy, is it?
– [Engine stutters] – [J.J.] [Bleep], man!
– This is so bad! [J.J.] God’s sake! [Steve-o] I sure hope
those boys are making do in that junk truck. I think they’re having
the worst time, cos we’re sitting here,
air conditioned. Oh I forgot about
the air conditioning! They’ll be sweatin’
their tits off. And they’re gonna be
even more aggie. When they get there,
it’s gonna be a fireball of just anger. What’s funny is that there’s
plenty of room for them in here. Fam no, wait, wait… You’re gonna kill me, fam, huh?
Come on, man. No, drive, drive, drive!
Don’t park. [Horns blaring] [Ethan] Go! Oh my god, this guy on
the bike keeps following me. – What’s going on?
– Yo fam, I’d rather be on a
camel. [Tobi] It’s a bit hot, you know. Put that air con on,
cos we livin’ in luxury, boys! [Simon] The thing is,
you put Ethan and J.J. in a truck together. In literally a heated
environment, quite literally. That is, yeah! There’s
no chance of them not arguing. [Ethan] ♪ We’re in Marrakesh,
Marrakesh ♪ We’re in Marrakesh… ♪ Ha-ha!
You can’t just do that. At least put the hazards on! Can’t be assed! – I’m not… no…
– ♪ We’re in Marrakesh… – Stop!
– ♪ We’re in Marrakesh! ♪ La, la, la, la, la… ♪ We’re in Marrakesh,
Marrakesh, we’re in Marra… ♪ I’m not wearing that thing while you’re singing
that stupid song. This is the worst day
of my life. What’s the most action hero
thing you’ve ever done? One time I jumped out
of an airplane with no parachute
into the ocean. – That was pretty action hero.
– That’s something, I guess. Yeah. Another action hero trait
I possess is I’m also able to staple my
bollocks to just about anything. – And that is amazing.
– Yeah… [Steve-O] Right through
the old ball bag. And what things have your balls
been stapled to over time? Mostly just other parts
of my body. – What?
– Yeah. [Bleep], man. I was actually just thinking,
this is kind of worrying. You realize we’ve never met
Steve-O before, and he is leading us
into a desert. I kinda wish
I was J.J. or Ethan now. Do you? [Horn blares] Move! – [Ethan] The locals hate you.
– Move that vehicle! [Ethan]
You just [Bleep] up his day. Look at my day, fam.
Look at my [Bleep] day! That doesn’t mean you have
to ruin everyone else’s. I’m not gonna lie,
I’ve got a fart so… – [J.J.] No, I beg, please.
– Oh it already smells! Ha-ha! Fam, no, no. No, no! No, fam, are you serious?
Oh I’m gonna be sick. [Ethan] No, it’s gone.
It’s gone. Fam, it’s gone. Oh fam, it’s still there!
It’s lingering! I hate you. I know, I need a poo. Ha-ha!
I need a poo quite desperately. [Steve-O] Action heroes
drive like maniacs, so maybe do a little
erratic driving. Ah! Okay, alright, waaah! Oh [Bleep] hell!
We nearly took out a local! Wait, it’s coming
the other way! Stop tryin’ to kill people,
Harry! You’re an action hero, that doesn’t mean you have
a license to kill, Harry! Oh my god.
Harry nearly ran someone over. Whoever’s driving
nearly ran someone over. [Vik] Bloody hell. See, you’ve got driving like an
asshole perfectly under control, so I’m gonna go ahead
and get out. What? I’m not that bad. And your challenge is, action heroes love
a good car chase, so head off the road to just
be a reckless son of a bitch, and race the other boys
in the Range Rover. – Can I not get out with you?
– No. I didn’t think my driving
was that bad. It was alright. [Steve-O] It’s not that good.
Ha-ha! Alright, I’m gonna check
on the other guys. – I’ll see you at Camel Ridge.
– [Josh] See you, Steve. [Harry] [Bleep] you,
my driving’s fine! Harry, honk if you’re horny. – [Horn blares]
– [Laughter] – [Harry] I’m a horny driver.
– That was too quick. So, Steve-O got out
of our car and he told us that he wants us to do
a kick-ass driving sequence. Okay, so what you thinking,
a race? Something real simple like
we just go three kilometers, whoever gets to the end
of three kilometers first wins. [Simon] I guess. I mean
we’re winning already, so… Three, two, one, go! Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we’re winning! – [Josh] Slower!
– What do you mean… Aargh! You’re breaking the wheel. – [J.J.] My horn doesn’t work.
– [Beeping] – Oh we’re back, we’re back.
– [Ethan laughs] [J.J.] I’m now officially
a Moroccan again. [Harry] Wait, hang on,
I’m doing a left. – Over the hill.
– No, no, no. What do you mean, no, no, no?
It’s fine. It’s a short cut. [Josh] Oh my god! Why are they going up there? Oh my god. Oh my god! – Slow down, slow down!
– No it’s fine, it’s fine… Oh Jesus. We can definitely
make it. If we head down. How are you possibly gonna go
down there? Look, they’re going. [Harry] What? [Josh] Ok, you know what,
I’m driving from now on. I’m driving. I’m gonna
take the normal route. [Vik] Peace out, boys! Whoo! You trash action hero
pieces of shit! Keep comin’, keep it comin’. – Keep it comin’.
– Are you sure? – Keep it comin’.
– Hang on… Boys, we’re the best
action heroes, well done. [Harry] I think we’re good now
to head down. We’re good?
Well, get in then. – Come on.
– [Harry] Let’s go. Drive, drive, you filthy boy!
Go, go! [Ethan] ♪ We’re on the road,
on the road… ♪ I just farted. Ha-ha! – Oh fam!
– Yeah, fully smells. – Fully smells.
– No! Oh my god! ♪ We’re the winners,
da, da, da, da, da… ♪ Actually, you know
how confident I am we’ve won? I think that, even if Vik was
driving right now, we’ve won. You’re a madman,
you’re a madman. – No, let’s test it.
– [Tobi] What, pull up here? I do these kind of roads.
This is my natural habitat. [Tobi] Show me what you got.
Get in, get in. It’s still a bit of a race. Get my seat positioned. Are you guys ready
for a bit of Moroccan roll? Vik, just go.
We’re still racing, Vik! We go right.
I think it’s a short cut. My spidey senses are tingling. – Likin’ the pace you’re goin’.
– Where are they? You see ’em? No, I can’t see shit. [Chassis squeaking] Oh they’re there!
Go, go, go! Vik, they’re there! – Eyes on the road !
[Indistinct shouting] Alright,
now we’re in a real race. There is no easy.
There is only hard! Oh my days! I am actually shitting myself. – Go!
– I’m tryin’! I feel we could have this. I don’t want Steve-O
shovin’ anything up my ass! – Vik, there’s a dip, slow!
– There’s a river. They’ve put a river in my road. Go, go, go!
[Bleep] them! [Bleep] you! Yes! Yes! [Simon] Go watch it,
they’re overtaking! – Why are you looking?
– How have you made us lose? [Screaming] Yes! Oh my god. – I told you I could do this.
– Josh, I love you! Come back, come back!
Boys, come back here, boys! – [Tobi] This is Vik’s fault.
– [Harry] Alright, bitches? You lost!
We took the short cut! Now you’re gonna get stuffed
up your ass by Steve-O. Ha! [Steve-O]
Driving time’s up, Sidemen. Meet met at Camel Ridge
in half an hour. If you can make it
in one piece. [Ethan] There’s one thing
we haven’t done and it’s name my goat.
What’s a name for a goat? – [J.J.] I don’t know. Prick?
– [Ethan] No, that’s horrible. Seeing as we’re in Morocco,
how about Abdullah? – [J.J.] I don’t care anymore.
– It works! Is that a petrol station?
It’s in the middle of nowhere. Pull in, pull in, pull in. – Oh, right.
– Well… [Ethan] Seeing as you’ve driven, I’ll do the courtesy
of filling up. – [J.J.] Thank you very much.
– [Ethan] I’m stuck. [J.J.] Just relax, relax, relax. – [Bleep] door.
– [Ethan] Come on. There we go. Sick. Thank you. Right,
you get snacks or whatever. – Alright.
– Abdullah, sit tight. Do you speak English? The thing’s gonna fall apart. [Steve-O]
There are certain things every action hero needs to do. So it’s time for these boys to run in slow motion
from an explosion. Can I have food… for free? Well, my man’s given me
free food. – Really?
– Safe, bro. We probably should pay
for the petrol, though. Sweets? Me sweets. Alright, what’s wrong
with this dude?
He doesn’t.. Are you on drugs? [Steve-O] My brothers,
let’s see how you handle this. Oh, yeah. Oh, my god.
I need to save Abdullah. [J.J.] No. No! J.J., it’s gonna blow!
Oh my god, run! [J.J.] Oh, shit! [Steve-O] Nice, slow-mo run. Yeah, dudes. Ah, can this day
get any worse? How we gonna get
to Camel Ridge now? I got no [Bleep] clue.
I blame Abdullah. – This is all Abdullah’s fault.
– You can’t blame Abdullah now. Guys! Guys! I just got a message
from Steve-O. We gotta meet him
at Camel Ridge, which is ten minutes
down this road. Get your assholes spread,
cheeks wide, and bring out the lube. [Tobi] Harry is
the worst person to lose to. [Simon] He really is. Does
putting stuff up your butt hurt? Not if you use enough lube…
I don’t think. [Simon] That’s why I asked him. – [Ethan] Please stop, stop.
– Please. Stop for us, stop for us. – Yes.
– Stop for us. – Can we… can we have a lift?
– [Ethan] Can we get in? – Take us to Camel Ridge?
– [J.J.] We can go in? Hello, this is Abdullah. – [J.J.] What’s up, guys?
– I’m not used to this. – [J.J.] Well, this is a thing.
– [Ethan] Oh, goodness. [J.J.] I don’t know what’s
worse, the goat or you. – [Simon] Is this it?
– [Harry] This is Camel Ridge. [Josh] No sign of J.J.
and Ethan, though. [Harry] Oh, nice of your mum
to show up, Simon. You guys are like 100%
getting stuff up your bum. – [Simon] No, Vik is.
– [Tobi] Yeah, we said Vik’s
gonna be the one.. We decided it’s his fault, so he’s gonna take three times
it. That’s not cool. Hello. [Tobi] Erm,
why is he on the roof? Congratulations
on the win, boys, but don’t worry about
any punishment for the losers. [Josh] Speaking of losers. Hey, the boys! So there’s only
two losers today. Don’t talk to me. Guys, it’s time for me
to get totally rad, and I wanna prove that
I’m the ultimate action hero. You see, how many light bulbs has The
Rock broken with his testicles? I am about to jump off
of this roof sideways and spread-eagled… …at hopefully
the perfect trajectory to match a row of 36
light bulbs with my balls. – Why 36?
– Yeah! Because. And with that, wish me
and my balls a lot of luck. [All] Oh, no. Oh, no. – [Ethan] Good luck!
– [Tobi] He hasn’t got to do it,
it’s fine. Harry made him jealous
of The Rock. Harry, you’ve permanently
scarred a man. One. Two. Three. [Offscreen] Oh, my god!
Oh, my god! – [Steve-O] Oh, my balls.
– [J.J.] Bro, you alright? You know what? I don’t want
anything to do with this. I’m leavin’ boys, I’m leavin’. Let’s bounce.
It wasn’t us, it was you! To the vehicles! [Groans] Yo, dudes!
I think I’m good. [Ethan] Gettin’ in.
Seatbelts on! Bro this guy needs to get out of
the way. Let’s go. That was sweet, right?
Dudes? [Ethan] Oh, my goodness! You guys got lucky
with these, didn’t you? Wow! Man, how am I supposed
to get home? [Narrator] Sidemen, a true action hero never
leaves a man in the field. Back to the shadows you go. [Steve Aoki]
Sidemen, I challenge you to join me in the mountains in a series of events against me and my elite
team of alpine experts. Oh no, it’s us against them? [Harry]
This is completely unfair. Yeah! Oh, Jesus! Oh! [Splutters] That was a bad idea! Aargh! I’m literally shitting bricks! Aargh! I’m skiing! Who crashed?