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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES) – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES) – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)


Warning: This script contains some text in Shift-JIS encoding, which may be destroyed if edited in some text editors. The original Ninja Turtles is one of the most annoying games I’ve ever played. You first play it and think, “Well, this can’t be too bad. The control’s decent, it’s fun killing things, the sound effects are cool.” You may even think I’m trying to compare it to the sequels, which are far superior. Two-player, arcade action, beat up a bunch of Foot Soldiers. Good stuff. But, this first one, is garbage. You may be like, you know, “Come on, it’s the first of its kind, be easy on it.” But, no. It sucks. It sucks ass from a straw. And you want to know why? Well, where do I begin? That beeping sound when you’re low on energy? I mean, that’s so annoying! Now, look at that! Now, how the hell am I supposed to get up there? That’s impossible! And who is that guy with the chainsaw anyway? Remember him from Ninja Turtles? I sure don’t. The only way I can get up there is with Donatello, the turtle with the longest weapon. C’mon, get over here, you fuck nut. Alright. Okay, all that just for a pizza? Pizza shit! Okay, here’s a trick I think everybody knows. When you’re fighting Rocksteady, you jump on these crates with Donatello and you just keep hitting him with your bo. Now, what’s really weird is the timing. I mean, you have to hit him when he’s sorta ducking, not when he’s standing up, I guess that would make too much sense, so it’s obviously a game flaw. Then there’s that level where you have to save the dam. April O’Neil says, “You have my support.” Okay. What the hell did she ever do for you? Stupid banana raincoat wearing bitch. So you have to swim and deactivate all these bombs. And there’s so many things out there to kill you, and you have a time limit, so, naturally, you’re rushing to make it through as fast as you can. And all these electric plants hurt you, so you need a lot of patience. But how could you have patience when you’re in a fucking hurry? FUCK! Level 3 is like a maze; You’re in the Turtle Van going around, and there’s steamrollers coming at you from everywhere. And you know what I always thought was really weird? Why does the Turtle Van have the same energy bar as the turtle that you have selected? Like, shouldn’t it have its own since it’s, like, the vehicle and not… you know, the turtle? Never mind. So, here’s a pop quiz. Who were the target audience for this game? Kids. Kids who were fans of Ninja Turtles. Now, you think they actually would have put more Ninja Turtle characters in the game? Like, uh, Baxter Stockman, the Rat King, Krang? I mean, it’s not like Krang was like, a minor character that came in the fifth season of the show. Krang was right there from the beginning. So, like, there’s no excuse. There was no excuse not to have him there. I mean, instead, make way for, uh, the missile balloons, flying robot heads, those little butterfly things, Mr. Fire Man. And why don’t you hear the Ninja Turtles theme song anywhere in the game? What a piece of shit. And you know what I hate? The fucking jumps in the sewer. If your accuracy is slightly off, you’re going down. So you really gotta take your time and watch what’s coming up. Ughhh, you son of a fuck! And you know what pisses me off? They’re turtles, for fuck’s sake! They can’t even swim? And look at this shit right here! These spike walls come out at you like an Indiana Jones booby trap. And some game designer who’s laughing their ass off decided to put a pizza down there. Okay, w-well, what’s the point? I mean, are you going to be suicidal enough to go and try to get that pizza? I mean, who’s going to do that? It’s impossible. What a joke! Speaking of hard-to-reach pizzas, look at this! Come on! Aughhhh! You fuck rat! This is just a bunch of cock-a-dookie, this is bullfuck. Jesus Christ Almighty. Holy shit! FUCK! Oh my god. Oh, man. Why is this game so hard? It’s for kids! Have mercy! And why does this jump have to be so close to the ceiling? Fuck this game! And you know what pisses me off? Every time you fall down, you have to walk through the entire room all over again. All the enemies come back, so you have to fight everybody all over again. Now, if you get the pizza, the pizza doesn’t come back, only the bad guys. What a shitload of fuck! I mean, you can’t even develop a strategy because the enemies keep changing. It’s completely random. I can’t get over this fucking jump. If only those two extra platforms weren’t there, it wouldn’t be a problem. God! Can I get up? Can I get up? Nooooo! God-fucking-dammit, get the fuck up there! Get up there! Fuck! Whoa dude, this game’s like a total bummer. What a joke! Fuck! Wait, you can just walk over it? You can just… walk over it. You are scum. Cowabunga… Cow-a-fucking piece of dog shit! This game is diarrhea coming out of my dick! This game is as appealing as a fucking ooze-infested dirty fucking sewer rat shit! I’ve had more fun playing with dog turds! Shredder’s my ass and Splinter’s my balls, this game is an inside-out asshole regurgitated putrid anal fecal matter! I’d rather fucking yank all the hairs out of my scrotum! I’d rather drink diarrhea vomited out of a buffalo’s anus! It sucking fucks, it fucking sucks, it fucking blows, it’s a piece of shit… and I don’t like it.

Comments (100)

  1. It suckin' fucks, it fuckin' sucks, it fucking blows!

  2. Cowafucking piece of dog shit!

  3. ?????hell nawll…lmao. Ima need you to get off game?

  4. You should sing for a grindcore band

  5. Yep. This game was shit.

  6. So why were they all wearing red on the cover??

  7. You play with dog turds?

  8. It wasn’t “that” bad.

  9. You get to get laid dude!!!

  10. You need to get laid dude!

  11. jumps in the sewer are the worst thing ever…

  12. 2:02 Stupid banana rain coat wearing BITCH!!?

  13. How about stop drinking that piss ass fucking beer named rolling rock. Get something stronger if you enjoy beer or get some liquor.

  14. Level 2 SUCkED donkey balls hated it

  15. 2006..we meet again

  16. I love it, fall in the water in the sewer and you die … next level, under water deactivating bombs.

  17. Why do the Ninja Turtles in this game sound like RoboCop jumping every time they land

  18. James trying to get that half pizza and losing his shit is great

  19. Karate kid is a cakewalk compared to this game.

  20. Dude you're funny!! I was laughing hard. Yeah this game brings up so many memories ….and yes this game is known for being extremely difficult. Especially that stupid water level..lol!

  21. Old skool programmers were trolls af….

  22. Everyone says this game is hard. I don’t think so but I started playing this at 3 or 4

  23. Look at that box art tho?…..it's 2diefor……….some of the 80s & early 90s box art was crap..but alot of it was classic & sick AF

  24. "What a shit load of fuck" ??

  25. tmnt is actually a good game, like 90% of avgn’s complaints are nitpicks mostly about pizza placement, i think its better than tmnt 2 which is repetitive, but its multiplayer so people like it better

  26. And I don't like it lol

  27. Hehehe I remember this game. My friends and I loved that game and we always argue which one of us who gets to drive the turtle van, and then my friends parents got mad at us and behave ourselves or he will really smash it and flush it in down the toilet right in to the sewers where the turtles are…

  28. This game is not that hard. Lol

  29. When I was a kid I was stuck on the same "jump" forever. The solution came to me in a dream. Instantly I tried and it worked, to this day I am convinced of my psychic powers.

  30. I'm big fan of TMNT and still am lol

  31. When i see "13 years ago" under a youtube vid it makes me feel kinda old…

  32. "Get over here you f*ck nut" ??

    Ok, i have to subscribe now

  33. This brings back memories. This was one of the Nintendo games I had. I don't think I ever beat this game. Once I got the turtle van I was happy

  34. This is a great game but Turtles in Time was better ?

  35. Lol I was 7 yo and knew to walk over that jump then jump..best one in the series… just unskilled at the game. Lol.

  36. Haha great video man ridiculous but funny

  37. You live a sad existence

  38. “You can just walk over it?”

  39. ScreenWave is changing the thumbnails. James should grow a pair and part with them.

  40. He finally added a thumbnail to this.

  41. This game was fucking terrible

  42. 240p as the highest resolution + 13yrs ago = DAMN, THIS IS OLD!

  43. What the fuck is this thumbnail

  44. is it me or all of these avgn thumbnails are changing?

  45. can you upload an alternative HD version of this video?

  46. "…… stupid banana raincoat wearing bitch." ??????

  47. Hahahahahahahahaah

  48. Still the best episode

  49. It's true. It's all true. But………I can't hate this game. I just can't! I love it! It's brutal hard and savage! I only completed it ONCE as a kid! I think I was so fucking happy, I cried!

  50. What has April ever done for you? She's THIIIIIC

  51. Literally walks over the same size gap in the sewer levels , but in the infamous hard jump spot don't know how to do it 🙂

  52. I’m binge watching these again noticing he is remaking thumbnails for the old videos

  53. I remember liking this game…. but it got too hard and I just gave up. This guy hit the nail on the head!!! Lol….memories

  54. This was made a month before I was born holy shit

  55. ᶠˡᵃᵐᵉˢ ᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ᶦⁿᵗʳᵒ ??

  56. Lol everyone knows you just walk over

  57. 240p on a 4k display… what a shit load of fuck

  58. This is definitely a piece of notable Internet history.

  59. 2:31 "ROAD ROLLA DA!"

  60. Stupid banana raincoat wearin bitch

  61. Teenager Ninja turtles the game sucks ?

  62. This is 13 years old now. What in the fuck?

  63. You just walk over it!! ???

  64. Childhood nostalgia and I am not talking about the game.

  65. "Stupid banana raincoat wearing bitch!" and "It sucking fucks, it fucking sucks!" always gets me! Hehehehehe. Best lines of the Nerd!

  66. I've never gotten past the swimming part.

  67. Haha estos olds videos son los mejores del nerd

  68. 3:40 6:08 He already knew that you can walk over it.

  69. Este pinche güerejo parece mexicano hechando madres por el puto juego,????

  70. Duhhhh……………….who put the lights out ???

    Lol

  71. Lmao!! I played this game as a kid, It was impossible

  72. This video is older then 80% of the Fortnite Community

  73. god this guy is beyond funny

  74. The arcade is better.

  75. wth did u change the thumbnail ?

  76. I couldn't ever get past the dam level. Way to hard

  77. Feel bad for the guy who had to go through and redo all the thumbnails, good lord

  78. Almost 14 years later Mike decided to defend this game: https://youtu.be/IAd0r8Ic2JU

  79. 4:18 HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET THAT PIZZA?

  80. You just finished watching the retail review of this game, didn't you?

  81. Still hilariousness to this day

  82. You're so oddly chill in this. Really makes it feel like you truly, TRULY hate this game for all its worth

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