That Time the Golden Girls Were Held Up by Santa

That Time the Golden Girls Were Held Up by Santa

Hey everyone, PushingUpRoses here and today
we’re looking at another episode of the Golden Girls; to get you into the holiday
spirit, whatever that means to you, I’m covering a holiday themed episode called Twas
The Nightmare Before Christmas. There was another episode on the table called
“Have Yourself A Very Little Christmas that I also considered covering, but that one was
heartwarming. Not that there’s anything wrong with some
yuletide cheese, but this episode gets a little weird and I sometimes prefer that, so I had
to choose: heartwarming, or weird? Short haired Dorothy, or long haired Dorothy. Profound Moral, or no moral at all? I chose NO MORAL because clearly I’ve lost
the holiday spirit and just want to fuck up some shit. I’m not going to explain the premise of
the Golden Girls because I’ve gone over it a couple times in previous videos, so if
you feel inclined I recommend watching those videos as well. Though I’m not sure how you could possibly
be unfamiliar, not with all these memes goin’ around. As we begin, we see the ever insatiable Blanche
bringing home a man, as she usually does. It’s not any man, though. It’s SANTA. I think they might do more than just kissing
underneath the mistletoe that night. Is it just me or is this a poor excuse for
a Santa Claus? Where’s his white hair and spectacles? Put some effort into it man. Apparently Blanche really has a thing for
the man in red,and the entire lore of Santa Claus in red in general. Blanche: “Maybe it’s the warmth of all
that red, hot, sweaty flannel.” This seems to be a recurring theme for Blanche,
having a fondness for fantasy inspired characters. Remember her spiel about princes and codpieces
from the Henny Penny episode? Blanche: “A handsome prince with a big old
codpiece and deep, dark eyes…” Not to mention the 7 dwarves. Blanche: “Seven Lonely Men… living in
the woods, needin’ a woman…” Rose and Dorothy get home early from Christmas
shopping, and Dorothy lamets that the holidays don’t mean anything to her anymore because
they’ve gotten so commercial. Rose gets upset at Blanche for fooling around
with Old Saint Nick and promptly throws him out of the house. Rose: “The only thing that better be on
your mind is giving people what they want for Christmas!” Dorothy: “He was trying to, Rose.” I’d like to focus a minute on Dorothy’s
amazing stare – she is the queen of this particular expression, a mix of bewilderment and snark. They are even better than Sheriff Metzger’s
expressions, or Metzpressions as I like to call them, and I’d like to believe that
Tommy Lee Jones was channeling Bea Arthur’s energy with this fantastic look. Sofia also gets home from shopping; I love
that throughout the series, Sofia is shown as very active and independent. Even though she lives with Rose, Blanche,
and her daughter Dorothy, she’s never portrayed as unable to live her life in her older years. After learning how much money everyone spent
on Christmas gifts, Dorothy expresses that the materialistic nature of the holidays is
really bringing her down, and in an attempt to bring some humanity back to it, suggests
that they all return the pricey items and make gifts for each other instead. Good idea, I am a big fan of handmade presents. Unfortunately all I can make right now skulls
and spikey hearts; surely someone’s grandma likes Hellraiser, right? Pinhead: “We have such sights to show you.” Rose makes Dorothy a maple syrup spigot! I mean, that’s pretty impressive! Granted I’ve never seen one, or used one. Unless you count Stardew Valley, I was definitely
using at least 5 at a time in that game, but still! Rose widdled it for hours! I was a little disappointed to see that they
only featured Rose and Blanches homemade presents, I was pretty curious about Dorothy’s artistic
skills, but Blanche’s is the only one that matters. Rose: “The men of Blanche’s boudoir!” She makes them a NAUGHTY CALENDAR featuring
her male suitors. I love how much effort went into this; I’ve
never thought of making anyone a calendar of ANY theme before, so I am impressed! It has hardback binding, and a snazzy cover
with Blanche’s photo on it, titled with a nice font… I appreciate the effort. Sharing is caring. If I were going to make a calendar, it’d
probably be the sexiest photos of Robert Smith, then a quote from a Cure song next to it,
in like… the Curlz font. After talking about what the holidays are
like in their hometowns and expressing happiness that they all leave in the morning to see
their families, they turn in. Rose reminds them that she has work, and will
need to be picked up before they head to the airport. The next morning we see Rose at work, which
is a rare occurrence. I think it’s interesting that we don’t
commonly see the women at their jobs; they talk about it when they are at home for the
evening but there’s not a lot of emphasis on it unless something important is going
on with their careers – Rose seems to be the exception, who has several jobs throughout
the series and we get a glimpse of them every now and then. In the early seasons, Rose works at a crisis
center, helping those with various issues. It should be noted that not everything involving
mental health is in good taste on The Golden Girls – the show is still a net positive in
how progressive it was, especially at the time, but they definitely miss some marks. Sofia: “…And she may have noticeable trouble
digesting raw vegetables, but one thing she’s not, is mental.” However, Rose IS non-judgemental, and always
willing to help the patients to the best of her ability. She is also the queen of rocking flannel dresses. Blanche: “Hot, sweaty flannel!” Just as they are about to leave, Santa strolls
on in. Blanche sees him, and because she finds men
in Santa costumes totally arousing, she stops for some festive flirtation. Much to everyone’s surprise, he whips out
what appears to be a gun and holds them up. Dorothy, terrified, shoves her purse at him
and says he can have all of her money, but he doesn’t want that. He wants to force them to spend Christmas
with him because he was lonely. Playing Santa Claus is Terry Kiser, who was
on another episode of The Golden Girls as a Beatles Impersonator, and yes, it’s as
silly as it sounds, but you may recognize him from Carol and Company, or Weekend at
Bernies. Yep. He played Bernie. Do you remember that movie? What the hell was that? Santa tries to force them to open gifts and
Rose just about loses it. She’s normally very kind to people in need,
but she will not stand by someone trying to ruin Christmas for her. He explains that nobody ever gives him presents
or visits him around the holidays, so his idea of getting what he wants is to force
people to give it to him; what an entitled D-bag. He also mentions he chose the crisis center
because when he quote, “had problems before” this place always helped him. So yeah, he fell out of therapy and into his
old crappy ways, and instead of getting help for them, he chose to dress up as Santa and
harass people into opening presents. Sofia, who was waiting in the car, wanders
on in and asks what is taking so long. She notices Santa has a gun and nonchalantly
yoinks it from his hand. *hard jab sound effect* Sofia: “Dorothy, you call yourself an Italian? You can’t tell the difference between a
toy and a REAL PIECE?” *jab* Santa opens up and starts talking to Rose
about his desperation and loneliness, and actually ends up staying at the crisis center
to talk to one of the therapists. Good for him; never break your therapy routine
just because you’re feelin’ better. Shout out to my therapist. Now the ladies can make it to the airport
to get home and see their families. They get there within 5 minutes of their flights
taking off, start to board their planes, and then…Announcer: “All trips from Miami
have been canceled.” The weather decides to rebel and the ladies
find themselves stuck in Miami; on the way home their car breaks down, and they end up
at a roadside dinner on Christmas Eve. Albert, the man working there gives them free
cheesecake, and even though cheesecake is the food of the gods, Blanche is depressed
about not being able to see her family. She decides to tell everyone a riveting story
to cheer herself up; as she regales everyone with her sordid tales, the owner drops by
and asks them how it feels to be able to spend the evening with family, implying that he
believes they are related. They say they aren’t, and Albert is bewildered. He also tells them that he wishes he could
be home with his family, but he needs to stay and watch the diner. Albert is played by Teddy Wilson, who was
known for his role in Good Times and his prolific acting career up through the 70s and 80s. The ladies realize that yes, they are indeed
family. It’s a little too obvious and blunt for
my tastes, but I do like a “you can choose your family” or “your friends can become
your family” type of scenario. They’ve been living together for a couple
years at this point so you’d think they’d already consider each other family, but sure! Christmas is a good time to figure it out
I suppose. I mention that this episode doesn’t really
have a moral and I think that’s still true; they weren’t really learning about good
versus bad behavior, just coming to appreciate each other as a family in a less than ideal
situation. Since they have each other, they decide to
watch the diner for just a little while so that Albert can spend some of Christmas Eve
with his family. After he leaves, Sofia notices it snowing
outside, and they all go over to the window to observe. Rose decides to put on some holiday music
and ends up pushing the wrong button on the jukebox, and the episode wraps up to a rousing
rendition of Surfing Safari. Music: “Let’s go surfin’ now, everybody’s
learnin’ how, come on a safari with meeee…” Rose: “I think I pressed the wrong button.” We’re all sick of Christmas music anyway,
even though there is one song, the BEST song, I love around the holidays. Step Into Christmas by Elton John. If anyone from the Lite FM in Chicago is listening,
this song needs WAY more radio play, and Marshmallow World needs way, way, way less. I’m going to be honest, I don’t often
watch The Golden Girls Christmas specials – there are a few I revisit EVERY year from
other shows I like; in particular the ones from Hey Arnold, The Monkees, and I enjoy
my fair of TV specials: A Muppet Family Christmas and A Garfield Christmas. I don’t even like Garfield but I watch this
damn thing every year. This episode of the Golden Girls, though fitting
for the season, is a little lacking for me. I think it’s because this show was still
finding its groove in season 2 and there was just a lot of weird shenanigans that I found
kind of distracting, but there are some fantastic lines from Dorothy in this episode, and I
love seeing Rose lay into people. I also like that even though the girls had
each other at the end of the day, nothing really went right for them. Typically in a Christmas special, everything
works out somehow, and people get to be with their family. Characters ALWAYS make it home for Christmas
even under bizarre circumstances – that’s the premise of every Hallmark holiday special. That wasn’t the case here; they went through
a lot of sitcom BS and didn’t meet their end goal, but it was still a happy ending. It’s definitely fun enough for me to want
to put on alongside other holiday specials, but when I go holiday, I go hard. Yeah. That’s right. I watch The Mistle-Tones and MURDER, SHE BAKED,
a Plum Pudding Mystery. Like I mentioned earlier, the Golden Girls
did have another Christmas episode in season 5 called “Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas”,
and it’s a little more serious and grounded in reality. Plus Dorothy’s hair got a lot more fabulous
and that makes my heart happy. If you have an episode of the Golden Girls
you’d like to see me cover, then leave a suggestion in the comments. Every now and then I read one, point at it,
and say “Yes. THAT is the one.” I hope you all have a wonderful holiday, or
just a wonderful day no matter what you’re doing, and until then, thank you for being
a friend. Hey everyone, thanks for watching my video
on The Golden Girls – if you liked this one, I have a couple more, but first: If you’re
feeling the holiday spirit a little more than usual and you want to donate to this show,
consider becoming a patron on my Patreon campaign. And if not, it’s cool. It’s the holidays so I don’t expect people
to throw money at me, but if you could be so kind, a like, comment, and share would
be a rather wonderful gesture. If you aren’t sure if you want to subscribe
and you need more content to base your decision on, may I suggest a couple of my other videos? On the left we have another Golden Girls breakdown,
and on the right we have a video about Murder, She Wrote. I hope you consider giving them a view. As always, I’ll see you in the next one.

Comments (10)

  1. I absolutely loved this video! Dorothy's stare is the best. Next time you gotta do the cheeseman xDff

  2. No moral?! Horse pucky! There are plenty of morals in this episode…
    The moral is…. nothing turns on a trampy georgian woman like sweaty red felt!
    The moral is…. Never trust rose with anything….
    The moral is….When in doubt, just let sophia take down the crazed lunatic…
    The moral is….. Like everything between 1930 and 2010…. when white people in trouble there will always be a mysterious magical negro to save the day! (thank you key and peele!)

  3. Too pink, Too stink

  4. Where can i order your handmade Robert Smith calendar? The teenager in me needs one for style tips.

  5. I was recently at a performance of The Golden Gays of New York and they indeed included the gift exchange during the show. That spigot got some… attention, if you get my meaning. Let's just say Blanche really treasured that gift.
    PS I love your cenobite hearts.

  6. Santa's taking them ho-ho-ho-stage.

  7. Wait, they had jobs?! I never knew that! I thought they were all 4 retired! Isn’t that what senior citizens live in Florida to do?

  8. You should do Angela Lansbury’s positive moves… yes… that one.

  9. Ok. Could we please get a review or something about That Plum Pudding Murder Mystery Movie? That sounds amazing!

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