The ‘Golden Girls’ When Santa Held Them Hostage At Gunpoint

The ‘Golden Girls’ When Santa Held Them Hostage At Gunpoint

(gentle music) – [Narrator] Blanche checks for roomies. Coast is clear to bang Santa. Blanche a freak! Dorothy’s complainalouging to Rose that Christmas is too commercial, but gets interrupted by a bearded Blanche. Santa is a freak, too. Blanche picked up this random at the mall, and brought him home on his
break to deck the walls. Rose sends his back to
his kids-on-the-lap job, harder than final level Tetris. Blanche explains Santas
make her extremely horny, then graphically details how
much she wants to bone down with every fat bearded
man wearing that red suit. Sophia stole Dorothy’s
credit card to buy gifts. Casual elderly theft:
the only perk of old age, and because of Sophia’s jack move, everyone’s getting the
expensive shit they want. – Oh, it’s gonna be the
best Christmas ever! – [Narrator] Dorothy whines. Christmas is about love. Boo! Rose suggests they gift
each other meaningful, homemade garbage before going home to be with their respective families. Sophia says nuts to that. Catch me at the mall, bitch. Blanche made everyone calendars, featuring a man a month she’s knocked nasties with this year. – I’m surprised you were
able to walk in October. – [Narrator] Merry Christmas,
from these old ladies, ogling gargantuan dongs. Rose is helping sad,
mentally unstable dudes at the Crisis Center on Christmas Eve. Dorothy and Blanche say, we
gotta get to the airport. Captain Save-a-Bro needs more time. Dorothy says, enough is enough. Sophia’s waiting, and they’re
gonna miss their flights. But Blanche, forever horny
for Santa, gets dickstracted. Yo, Santa is strapped. They hand over cash, but
their money’s no good here. Santa is lonely, and just
wants to spend Christmas with people, any people,
by any means necessary. See, he loves Christmas,
but nobody ever invites him to play in any reindeer games. Gee, wonder why. He seems so chill and reasonable. The gals need a plan. Blanche volunteers to
bend over, all sexy like, and while Santa’s ogling her caboose, Dorothy and Rose will karate chop him. Santa breaks up the plan
party to say, years ago, when he had a problem that’s
clearly all better now, he spent a lot of time in
this center, good times, now he’s back for more. Rose has had it. She is not shocked she
spends Christmas by himself. He sucks. People don’t like hanging
with people who suck unless you’re related, in which case, you still don’t like it,
you just kind of have to. Sophia’s been waiting. What gives? Uh, Sophia, gun. Sophia, the OGG, Original
Gangster Grandma, says that’s a toy, and adds,
Dorothy should be ashamed to call herself Italian
and not be able to tell a firearm from a plaything. Sophia runs these streets like a marathon. Santa hits a new low. He can’t even hold hostages right. Rose says that stuff from
before, how he’s a bad person? She didn’t mean it. He’s not bad; just a loser, a nominal bump up the list
of shit you don’t wanna be. Bye! The gals barely make it when
due to a Christmas Eve storm, all flights are canceled. A man offers Sophia a flower. He picked the wrong one on the wrong day. She yells him and his flower
the fuck up out of there. Blanche is telling one of her many tales about a time she blew a
stranger, but on Christmas. The waiter makes casual,
light conversation that he wishes he could
be with his family, but no one else is available
to feed old ladies cake. They can’t be with their families, either, then have an a-ha moment
that wait a second, they’re kinda like a family, a realization that should
not be so surprising as 50% of them are blood relatives. They wish each other all
a very merry Christmas. Sophia’s not tolerating
this sappy bullshit. They have an idea to help. How ’bout he goes home,
and entrusts this business to four women he’s never met? – Can you cook?
– Are you black? – [Narrator] He leaves before Sophia has any followup questions. It’s snowing in Miami,
a Christmas miracle, unless you’re talking about cocaine. So what did we learn today? Christmas can be lonely, but
that doesn’t give you the right to hold up folks at gunpoint
to keep you company, but if you must go that
route, use a real gun because you’ll be alone again as soon as murder’s off the table, and there are people out there
who just wanna bang Santa. They exist, they freaks, and seriously, don’t travel on Christmas Eve. Who does that? And a family’s just a group
of people you share meals and traumatic experiences with. See you next time on A
Very Special Episode.

Comments (100)

  1. Here it is, folks. The penultimate A Very Special Episode of 2018.

  2. how about The "Webster" when a chemistry sets burns down his apartment?

  3. 'Dickstracted' better become a thing!

  4. Dude you are FUCKING FUNNY I'm watching so much of your videos and omg I'm FUCKING DYING

  5. This was posted on my birthday :’) I wish I was here for it

  6. I've seen this episode

  7. Hilarious commentary ?

  8. "Casual Elderly Theft" I know right

  9. when you realize this same storyline happened on glee

  10. Am I the only one who thinks they just took the money and left afterwards?

  11. What kind of Italian can't recognise a fake fun? LMAO

  12. Sexism and racism in three words. That's why this show is great

  13. Damn LMAO. I'll never watch Golden Girls the same again.

  14. So Blanche gave everyone a book of dicks, lol what??? That’s almost inappropriate, I hope she told those men what she was going to do with their dick pics.

  15. Sofia is ALL TIME!!!! What kind of an Italian are you?? ???

  16. I love watching these videos. The narrator is sometimes hilarious.

  17. The commentary is great.

  18. "Snow in Miami??? Only if its cocaine"…this guy is epic

  19. Sophia is probably blind as a bat and her question wasn't rhetorical.

  20. Original Gangster Grandma ?

  21. i realize ive watched all of these dammit. Still searching for more.

    Ish I like mf crack

  22. Ever since I was little I was sure that bea Arthur was a male. ??‍♂️I still think so. She looks like tony Curtis in some like it hot but no one is hot!

  23. Theyyy FREAKS XD

  24. Sophia is best gurl

  25. Sophia is the original badass

  26. "Nuts to that, catch me at the mall, bitch"

  27. “Are you black?”

  28. It's like the Twlight Zone "Night of the Meek" but the "A man in Florida" twist. Brilliant!

  29. I know how she feels I love mall Santa nothing like a nice fat man in red woof

  30. There is way too much going on with this episode ???

  31. I learned that mob bosses are sometimes are grandmothers

  32. " he's not bad … Just a loser "

  33. I hate those episodes when they have to travel on Christmas eve and everybody else is so happy at their workplace missing out….????

  34. How is Santa tried to steal Christmas.
    :Kowalski analysis

  35. What if Santa didn't clean up right and then a kid gets stuck on his lap?

  36. Sophia is a gangsta

  37. I LOVE every one of these!

  38. OMG Santa is the Weekend at Bernie's guy

  39. lol i always loves sophia, she was sooo badass. can you cook?? are you black??? omg that had me and my fiance rolling. my fiance loves the golden girls. she said omg i cant believe i never seen that episode.
    everyday, theres like a golden girls marathon on, and her being her she has to watch it, and me loving her like i do i watch it with her lol

  40. Can you cook? Is Zack Morris trash?


  42. He leaves before Sofia had any follow up questions.

  43. Why patio furniture in the living room? Was that really a thing in the ‘80’s?

  44. Sophia says 'Nuts to that; catch me at the mall bitch!' ??‍♀️?

  45. "It's snowing in Miami, a Christmas miracle unless your talking about cocaine" ???

  46. OGG

    Original Gangsta Grandma

    Accurate description

  47. I hate when I get dickstracted.

  48. More golden girls

  49. Who is the narrator? Is it John Mulaney?

  50. 2:31 the way he says "bye" really gets me lmao

  51. Blanch is telling one of her many tales of how she blew a stranger.?

  52. Sofia is a sassy bitch

  53. “Sophia stole Dorothy’s Credit card to buy Gifts”

    I don’t know why I laughed so hard

  54. Old people do steal all the time Lmao

  55. You should do all in the family, edith almost gets raped. Probably the realest 48 minutes in television and the worst use of a laugh track EVER.

  56. A family is just a group of people you share meals and traumatic experiences with

  57. "So what did we learn today?"
    Sophia was the main reason anyone watched this show. Followed up with Betty White being amazing at anything she does. Sliced bread is the best thing since Betty White!

  58. Jesse's dad sure fell on hard times…

  59. “Harder than final level Tetris” ?‍♂️ dead. ??

  60. Oh Sophia… You give precisely 0 fucks.

  61. I fucking love Sofia in these things.

  62. #SophiaBest(Golden)Girl

  63. "Blanch's a freak!"

  64. Sophia was straight SAVAGE

  65. You just reminded me of the movie, bad Santa
    Plus there was a sequel as well : bad Santa part 2

  66. You also reminded me of that old humourous song, Santa got run over by a reindeer

  67. Good god, why has this series not been recommended until today?!

  68. The owner of the diner was the same actor who played the man they met at the homeless shelter in that one episode. They did that with the actor who played Miles, too.

  69. The Golden Girls spend x-mas with Bernie Lomax!

  70. Sofia was always my favorite! She was a G!

  71. Please, Please do “A different World” #2019

  72. 2:15 – if you doubt her OGG cred , watch the film "Stop or My Mom will Shoot" (seriously. Estelle Getty stars in this movie).

  73. can you cook?

    are you black?


  74. Sofia is a bad ass bitch

  75. Can you cook?

    Are you black?

  76. tbh sofia is the one who made that show for me the rest are funny too but sofia’s character was the best imo

  77. Is that a cameo from Monroe? (Jim J. Bullock) From television's 'Too Close For Comfort'?

  78. Golden Girls is so awesome, I'd probably enjoy Dashiell retelling every single episode!

  79. "Sophia runs these streets like a marathon!"

  80. Sophia is a reall O.G.G
    original gangster grandma

  81. Your videos are amazingly narrated

  82. There's also a Golden Girls episode where it talks about Rose's pill addiction and the other girls keep literally telling her to go to rehab, sounds like the perfect candidate for this show

  83. Do more of the Golden Girls. These are hilarious!!

  84. I've never watched Golden Girls but I already know Sophia is my favorite character

  85. “Christmas is about love.”


  86. I just love that it is Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's!!

  87. Lol I'm not black I'm Brown so these bitches can't cook

  88. That santa looks like a white bill cosby

  89. seeing this video for Pushing up roses

  90. “Christmas is about love” BOOOOOOOOOOOO ?

  91. Sofia was so gangsta…

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