The Lust War (with Tiffany Haddish) – Gay Of Thrones S8 E5 Recap

The Lust War (with Tiffany Haddish) – Gay Of Thrones S8 E5 Recap

– Oh my god Tiffany. Did you see Game of Thrones this week? – Mmmmmm Yes I did and did that Queen lose her damn mind or what? ♪ Gay of Thrones Theme ♪ – I can not even believe it’s the pen-ultimate episode of Game of Thrones, but at the very beginning we had Dr. Evil, honey. He was drafting his mean tweets when he’s interrupted by Harriet the Spy who is feeling a little bit paranoid because she had too much sativa honey. – [Girl] I think they’re watching me. – [Varys] Of course they are. That’s there job. – Just because you’re paranoid,
doesn’t mean you’re wrong. Never ever doubt a woman’s intuition. Oooo! That was Big Trouble
In Little Dragonstone! – [Tyrion] It was me. – [Varys] I hope I deserve this. – So down there at the beach, Christina Aguilera wasted no time reading Dr. Evil his
Miranda Lambert rights. – [Dany] I Daenerys, of house Targaryen First of my name sentence you to die. – But she lights his ass up like a Flat Iron finger burn Owww! (Dragon Breathing Fire) – Oh that happened to me once. One time I burned my whole cheek. – That’s your money maker. – I know, but it got me sympathy. Let me tell you somethin, that dragon was giving me
Bohemian Rhapsody Déjà vu. ♪ I’m just a dragon ♪ ♪ And I’m gonna burn you ♪ (Laughter) You owe me, uh, royalties for that. – Oh, but honey, you better guess again Christina Aguilera is not done
bringing the heat on this foin evening because she’s tryin to get a steamy with her brother’s son honey! – Mmmmmm She nasty. – [Jon] You will always be my Queen. – [Dany] Is that all I am to you? – But you know what,
he was stiff as a board and not in a good way. – Oh but she was ab-sol-ute-ly Pep-pered Don’t read those lips, read those eyes – [Dany] Alright then. – Meanwhile, we find out that Mayor Pete only knows restaurant Spanish (Speaking Foreign Language) – [Soldier] We speak the common tongue. – Honey, I think Nicholas Sparks is the
president of the writing room this season. He’s giving us high velocity melodrama. – [Tyrion] If it weren’t for you, I never would have survived my childhood. – [Jaime] You would have. – You were the only one who didn’t treat me like a monster. (emotional music) – Later, King’s Landing
fashion week starts and Jared Let Himself Go comes stomping down the runway with his fat ass with that extra, extra, EXTRA long belt. Oh, give Brother D a
hormone laden Turkey leg and a cup of mead because he is serving us some Renfair flair with that little
circle scarf hoodie honey! Honey, please do not sleep on the Wells Fargo Army with their Newsie inspired high waisted khakis – Meanwhile, the whole town is rushing about like your d*ck appointment
is 20 minutes early honey and you just walked in the door from work. You gotta clean out your litterbox honey, take a cloth to your lady parts and get yourself right so that you can just be like HEEEYYYYY there you are I’m so ready – Yeah, she ready you gotta take a quick
little ho bath, like, ah, ah – We can’t do that. See you can do that. – You can’t take a ho bath? it’s- It’s our butts. Sometimes you gotta- No. You gotta introduce her to like a half a gallon of some warm water honey see what you do is you go to the bathroom, – I’ve got the detachable shower head – Yasss so you put the little nozzle
in front of your booty hole and you just-
you just- (Clicking noise) put it right on up in there and you just.. – Shut up! – and then you take it out and just shimmy shammel
shimmy shammel Run around a little bit. I like to do a littlw roll with it. – Uhuh You know the last time I took it up the Ning na-
(Spasm Noise) It was-
Do do came out. – Oh no no no So you have to get all prepped up right So you see that’s what
we’re here to show you – Right, now, ok, tell me where do I get this nozzle from? – Oh honey, online, the pleasure chest honey, there’s all sorts of places and if you’re travelling, you can get you a little balloon. (happy music) Then of course, Jared Let Himself Go misplaced his Oakley
wrap around sunglasses which he’s desperately gonna need because Christina brought her
fire breathing dragon and his belly’s full of those UV rays. (Boats Exploding) (Wall Collapsing) – And before you know it, the timers done, pencils down, the bell is rung school is out for summer honey. – But poor Christina has flunked winning gracefully 101 – Turns out Jon Snow has deniers remorse cause he shoulda put that D in aunty Daenerys – [Jon] NOOOOOOO! Get back!
Get back! – If only her tongue was as pretty
and beautiful as yours Just cascading up out of that bottom– You just tease his, like
little nephew, little– base of it right there right on that big little, you know– and you could just like, just choke on a little Christina– (Gagging Noise) – You could do right here too. Like corn. If she would of did that,
that would’ve been a wrap – Game over, she’s- – He woulda been like, aunty who? See here go my thing,
you know what i’m sayin, once I start getting the good D Now I’m putting myself
in Christina’s shoes, ok? I’m gettin the good D, Now you telling me this
good D is related to me, Well you know what? Still keep running the D because guess what, I need D to keep me sane. You keep the D in the family. – There is a D in family – It is. Familied – And what’s going on with
Evil No Volume Carol Brady? Well, glad you asked. – [Qyburn] The scorpions
have all been destroyed. Your grace, the Iron Fleet is burning. The gates have been breached. – She’s up in her perch just sh*tting her panties But like Tom Petty she won’t back down Also like Tom Petty, she’s crushing this red velvet top. – Everyone on fire, ok. You got Donna, Lynn, Laurie, Shelley, Aaliyah, Rose, Bryant, Darren, and Ulysses. Everybody holdinn down the fort. – Huh! oh, shit, sorry. Then at Splash Mountain, Brother D and Jared Let Himself Go get into a huge fight over who gets the last fast pass
to the Queen’s chamber. – [Euron] If I win, I’ll bring your head to
Cersei so you can kiss her. So Jared Let Himself Go
may be dead on a beach but I will always remember him thanks to my Big Dog Tee. – [Euron] I’m the man who
killed Jaime Lannister. – Back at Crumble Castle Baby Kill Bill is about to go
murder some more people, when Dog The Bounty Hunter
is like, you know what? This could be a great
time for a career change. – [Clegane] You come with me you die here. – [Arya] Thank you. – And finally it’s brother vs brother. Beef3po vs Dog The Bounty Hunter The hassel in the Castle Dead meat in the Red Keep There’ll be one left
standing in King’s Landing It’s the Cleganebowl! – But first, Evil No
Volume Carol Brady is like, Oh, pardon me so sorry, just wait one second Not even the Cersei shuffle can distract two brothers that are comin at
each others throats so hard – Brothers don’t shake hands. (Screaming) Brothers gotta hug! Meanwhile, Evil No Volume Carol Brady and Brother D are reunited, and it feels so good when Brother D’s like, wait a tick. I have a safe space where we could smash Lets just run downstairs into the basement of this rapidly crumbling castle. 8 long years 8 LONG YEARS I’ve been waiting to watch
this b*tch get killed and how she get killed? Rocks! Not rocks from one of her
enemies families being thrown Not even crack rocks! It coulda been some crack rocks I woulda loved to seen this b*tch
strung out on some sh*t – Not to mention, all this war over an
unplanned incest pregnancy. You know, if Ice Pence
hadn’t gone and shut down all the Planned Parenthoods
in King’s Landing none of this would have happened. And Tiffany, at the end, Baby Kill Bill is in her finest asymetrical mime makeup but she can not get a ride no ride in sight because Lyft and Uber are both on strike. And after all this death, all this destruction, show me where the King’s
Landing Dry Bar survived because this horse, The shag and the fringe on this horse, next level honey! – I mean the bangs was like… (Blows air) I was like, give me some scissors cause i’m making a wig. – I don’t even know how we ended up here we’ve literally only one episode left of
Game of Thrones forever and I don’t even know whats gonna happen I mean is Christina, going to, cut off Jon Snows head and then f*ck his corpse I don’t know. Mayor Pete might mess around
and kill Christina, ok, and the next thing you know he the king whaaaat? – Sh*t girl, this is serving me harder than that horse was serving
at the end of the episode realness – Mmmmmmm Yeeessss I feel like a real unicorn now! (neigh) Where are – My dragons! Oh my god girl look!

Comments (100)

  1. When the now you know meme flew by I fell out!

  2. God I'm gonna be so sad when there are no more Gay of Thrones. 🙁

  3. Probably the best Gay of Thrones one.

  4. Did anyone else hope that Tyrion would make out with Jamie and join the club before he left? Just me? okay.

  5. Jonathan and Tiffany's recaps are better than the actual season 8 episodes…. FoD > GoT

  6. Tiffany Haddish is my fav so far

  7. Much like her butt I started this season excited but when it started doodoo came out

  8. Dany wouldnt mind incest. Like Joffrey, Dany's parents were brother and sister.. yeah Mad king married his sister. unlike Joffrwy though, she knows she's a product of incest and she proud as hell

  9. Not even mildly funny..

  10. Did Tyrion say Jlo?

  11. Taylor Swift’s queendom: with Tiff, Jonathan, and GOT

  12. These two are funny Haha

  13. These episodes have made some of the wack episodes of GoT so much more tolerable and for that I say THANK YOU JONATHAN + ALL his guests.

  14. OK, but what are these nozzles called?

  15. I don’t even watch GOT but these two seemed to have had a lot of fun making this video so it was funny. ?

  16. "Mayor pete only learned restaurant spanish" ….I just died there. lol

  17. This was terrible.. Jokes fall flat. Lame effects.. don't bother. Zzz

  18. This was the best one!

  19. I really need that Euron t-shirt!!

  20. The Wells Fargo army lol

  21. Entertaining recap as usual, but the segment went a step too far in bullying + fat-shaming Pilou Asbæk (Euron Greyjoy.) The running gag "Jared Lethimselfgo" was already pushing it. If y'all did the same to a female, i.e. post-puberty Sophie Turner (Sansa Stark) you would have been Thanos snapped + CANCELLED like James Charles. 😉

  22. I'm gonna miss this more than the actual show. Thank you so much for making season 8 bearable.xx

  23. Is it me or does it seem like the last two episodes are rushed – like the writers decided to stuff content for three additional episodes into one? Cersei's death was disappointing, but not as disappointing as Anck Su Namun's death in The Mummy Returns – but that's another story. I am feeling like Munch Munch right now – I believed in Danny, I thought she would be a really good queen, but unfortunately she could not escape the madness of the inbreeding genetics…it just took the death of two people and loosing some dick to get her there – but I am still disappointed in Danny. The only thing that can make me happy with the show at this point is if Danny's dragons had laid some dragon eggs back on Dragonstone before they started dropping like flies. I have a very bad feeling that Danny is going to die – and I thought she was going to drop some new Targaryen babies beforehand…smh.

  24. i just finished watching tuca and bertie and i was shook when i heard tiffany (voice of tuca) lmaooo yassss

  25. Very educational. Now I know ??

  26. I don’t even watch the actual GoT but I watch this religiously Every Week for my GoT update and some other “educational” tips?? Thank you!

  27. Since Queer Eye Jonathan has had a lot more prominent and famous guest stars.

  28. 1:27 “Mmmm, she nasty”

  29. Miranda Lambert rights ?

  30. When enema instructions are a better story than S8E5…..

  31. Lol both of u are NUTS!!

  32. Possibly the best ep of Gay of Thrones

  33. Game of Thrones is ending, but that Daenerys/Cersei/JVN portrait is forever!

  34. 'feeling paranoid cause she had too much sativa honey' absolutely fucking slayed me

  35. So…… why wasn't Tiffany Haddish in all of these?

  36. I learned a lot from this, thank you JVN

  37. Who gets the last fast pass to the queen's chamber lol

  38. This is actually the first one I've seen of this and now I feel retroactive regret at ignoring it

  39. Ok we get it you are gay

  40. This was the best out of all of them, lmao.

  41. I. Am. Cryin’!!!!!!!!! ?????

  42. The Wells Fargo army ?

  43. Im calling it right now- baby Kill Bill is killing almost everybody and sharing the throne with her brother with the powers- but I've never seen the actual show, just this series, so honestly I have no clue what's happening ???

  44. Tiffany's reaction on Cersei's death was priceless ?? for 8 LONG YEARS waiting for the bitch to get killed I was also really thinking and longing for something more glorious than just falling debris ?????

  45. Sandor should’ve gone for the head.

  46. I’m sorry but this guest wasn’t funny.

  47. Yall im CRYING this talk about up the booty hole and Cersei dying to rocks

  48. This Gay Of Thrones Sh*t Is HILARIOUS!?!?!?!?!

  49. ♥️♥️♥️♥️

  50. the pleasure chest….ahh the memories and awkwardness ????

  51. What are we going to do now? No more GoT…no more Gay of thrones?

  52. Jonathan Van Ness, darling
    … THANK YOU for making this hilarious stuff! I was heartbroken over last week's episode but even the screengrab, seeing you with Tiffany – one of my favorite ppl ever – Haddish, cheered me up and reminded me the show must go on!

    Can't wait to see this week's picks from King's Landing Fashion Week ?

  53. I'm so glad I only know GOT through gay of thrones so i didn't have to wait 8 years to be disappointed :,)

  54. That water hose thing? 100% serious, I know of a case where someone died from it. BAD way to go. He slipped and fell, on the way down he grabbed out to the knob to hold on to, turned the water up full. His wife found him a couple days later when she got back into town.

  55. Honey!!! WHERE is your grand finale episode for last night's BURN?!!!? Ohhh I can't wait, but I'm also sad that it has come to an end ?

  56. When them talking about enema has better writing.

  57. Tiffany slayed! ???

  58. 3:36 " it was doo doo came out"

  59. thank you Jonathan! It wasn't over for me till the I saw your last Gay of Thrones. Appreciated the laughs for years

  60. HAHA "you can't take a hoe bath??"

  61. “Last time I took it up the NaLyHINGNAHH. It was doo doo came out” ???

  62. The Whitney quote TOOK ME OUT ??

  63. ==Now You Know==★

  64. Why ppl got upset with GOT' s ending? Didn't the book says it?

  65. I need Jonathan to do a Ted Talk on all the booty preparations it takes to bottom!

  66. I need to be seen and heard… I'm not ready for Gay of Thrones to be over. I cannot and will not accept this until I absolutely have to.

  67. Thank you. I badly needed the laughs after this episode's horrendous episode.

  68. Tiffany Haddish is fucking hilarious! I love her!

  69. I can't find anything better on YouTube honestly. I keep just replaying this video. T_T

  70. that 5:48 dance always kills me with JVN saying "HUHH!" lol

  71. I don't know who this lady is but she just went on my need to know she rocks my world list…….also Jonathan needs to continue doing these for other shows.

  72. Restaurant Spanish lmaooo

  73. Came from seth and leslie way more happy gay hilarious

  74. the 'D' in 'family' is silent. why? cause it's incest, bitch!

  75. cleganebowl. I'm in love

  76. How calling it 'litter box' makes perfect sense. I love this Jonathan dude!

  77. I can't get enough of the booty cleaning instructional moment ?

  78. Lyft and Uber are both on strike ?


  80. "there is the D in the family"
    "it is".

  81. Christina Aguilera ??

  82. That was funny as fuck

  83. Cersi died with her younger brothers hand wrapped around her neck just like the prophecy

  84. Tiffany learning about gay sex preparations was giving me gay life lol

  85. "Miranda Lambert rights" hahahaha

  86. My two fkn faves! Love these two

  87. Wit dat extra extra EXTRA long belt

  88. Not rocking that crop top!

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